are things complicated yet?

Oh! One More Thing About Maui! We Rented A Plane!

I can't believe I forgot to tell you guys about the time we rented a plane in Maui.

A very big THING in Hawaii are helicopter tours of the islands. We did one of those in Kauai, on our honeymoon, and it was very ohhhh-ahhhh. HOWEVER. There are a few things about helicopters that make me somewhat uncomfortable about doing that again.

Thing The First

A helicopter tour is pretty spendy. Helicopters cost a FORTUNE to insure (waaaaay more than a single engine aircraft) and they're not cheap to purchase in the first place. Training is also very expensive. (On the good side, they do drink the same fuel.) A complete tour of Maui runs almost $400/person. That's...a lot for an hour and a half flight.

Thing The Second

Helicopters crash with more frequency in Hawaii than in most other tourist destinations. There are probably a couple of factors that play into this: frequency (both in number of total flights per day and flights per day per helicopter versus other general aviation in the area), dramatic terrain changes what with the VOLCANOES RISING FROM THE OCEAN FLOOR, and frequent, severe, weather changes due to that terrain and the ocean (fog,rain, and a helluva big crosswind, all probably changing minute-to-minute and mile-to-mile). 

In the past 30 years there have been 60 helicopter crashes in Hawaii. 17 were fatal. That's...a lot.

Per a local blog,

There is a proposal in front of the FAA that would establish a minimum altitude of 1500 feet in order to avoid obscured mountain peaks that are frequently found in Hawaii. Hawaii operators believe that the increased altitude could result in additional crashes from reduced visibility in clouds often present at higher altitudes.

So, yeah. It's a tricky thing to fly in Hawaii, helicopter OR airplane. 

We started asking about renting a plane and circling the island ourselves. Mostly, it sounded a HELLUVA lot cheaper. Turns out, you can do that!

This is Big Beach, in Wailea. I took this picture and I am very proud of myself.

We rented a 2003 Cessna 172 SP from Maui Aviators. It's going for $164/hour these days and we probably paid close to that or the same when we did this in 2009. We had the engine on for about two hours and we circled Maui, Molokai, and Lanai. I think the total bill was about $400. If you'll notice, the above price for a helicopter tour does not include Molokai or Lanai. And? Our plane also seated FOUR people for that price. We only took two plus the instructor, but there was plenty of room for a fourth.

For the price of ONE seat on a SHORTER helicopter tour, we got THREE passenger seats and a LONGER tour. Much better value.

Oh, yes, the instructor. It's very common that a shop will require you to take an instructor until you get "checked out" in their aircraft. Only after you've been checked out can you rent solo. This is very typical with any rental operation, no matter the location. It's not exactly like renting a car: there's more cash at stake and it's easier to kill yourself. They have to be confident a pilot knows how to handle the aircraft and is familiar with the local airspace and regulations.

For example, in Hawaii you do not file a traditional flight plan, you file an Island Flight Plan. You check in over the radio at each waypoint (a physical landmark or set of coordinates) and say how long it will be until you get to the next one. If you don't make it to the next waypoint and check in on time, Flight Service will immediately begin overdue aircraft procedures. This way, they have a very good idea of where you are and where to send search and rescue, which is important because there are mountains to fly into and a big, big ocean below and it's super easy to die fast out there.

Oh, this is fun to talk about right? IT'S FUN! COME ON!

Anyway, we had to take one of their instructors with us, but that was a SUPER GREAT thing and we would have wanted him anyway. He knew all the waypoints (and how to PRONOUNCE them) and he was a great tour guide. Chris did the flying and our instructor handled the radio and provided some live narration.

The views were amazing - the high wings on a Cessna give passengers an unobstructed view and there are lots of windows. Another great thing about taking a plane up ourselves was if we want to go back and look at something? Or get a little closer? We can do that! We're not on a schedule or trying to make a razor thin margin off this flight. We're just payin' by the hour.

So, we DID do that. We were trying to see some whales off of Kapalua, and we thought we saw one, so we edged over that way and circled for a bit. We ended up seeing a few, which was really exciting to see from above.

This one is actually the Pipiwai Trail, that I mentioned in the last post. That waterfall up top is the 400-footer and you hike basically from the beach up there and back. It's AWESOME.

I also really enjoyed flying along the far side of Molokai, with the sea cliffs. These are the highest sea cliffs in the world. I had thought the cliffs on Kauai, along the Kalaulau Trail were spectacular, but these were just jaw-dropping. I wanted to double back and see them again, but the wind and weather were not in our favor. The Kalaupapa Peninsula was also interesting to me, as I'd gotten really wrapped up in Father Damien's story a few years ago and had spent an odd amount of time reading historical fiction and actual biographies about/from that era. I could see the church and the cemetery and it was just...kind of somber and unexpectedly meaningful to see from above.

So, yeah! We rented a plane in Maui and it was totally kick butt. Owning an aircraft isn't for everyone - Hell, if you don't have a far-off place to go on the regular, it doesn't make any fiscal sense. To make it worthwhile you have to actually fly the damn thing pretty often.  

There are a lot of recurrent costs to ownership that you can escape with a rental. The best scenario is to get your license and get checked out with a local group. That way, if you want to go to New Orleans for the weekend twice a year, and you enjoy flying yourself ANYWAY, you can do that for a DRAMATICALLY lower annual cost in terms of access to a quality aircraft. (And trust me, this is a WAY more quality aircraft than the one we own, it's almost 40-years newer.) And, since you're already checked out, you would be well past needing to take an instructor with you.

Then, obviously, you can also do things like this with a pilot's license - see other places from above, as you dictate the route and schedule.

***

I've been thinking A LOT about taking my first flying lessons in the next few weeks and I have to admit, I AM SO NERVOUS. I don't know why! I have spent more than a hundred hours in a tiny-ass airplane and I am pretty familiar with how it works. But, there you go, I AM NERVOUS. I'm thinking about it a lot more often than I used to though, and the idea appeals to me more every day.  I'd like to start soon, but I think it'll be more like this fall before my first flight with our instructor. I'll start working on some ground school items this summer and take my first lesson this fall, once the heat breaks. 

I hope I don't barf. That would be really embarrassing.

Maui: Where To Stay, What To Eat (ALL THE TUNA), What To Do

We are going to Maui in September for a 10-day, no-kids, fruity-drink, tuna feast. (There will also be many hours on the beach.) I've been to Hawaii about 15 times and, as evidenced by 15 trips in the ten or so years I've had disposable income, I love The Great State of Hawaii.

I have been to Maui most often (I've also been to Kauai and Oahu) and I get asked pretty frequently what to do on Maui, what restaurants are the best on Maui, where's the best place to stay on Maui, etc etc. So, instead of looking for this email every time someone asks, I figured I'd just POST this damn thing so Google will lead people where they need to go.

Where to Stay

We stay in Wailea, at Pineapple Inn, in the Cottage. It's $215/night for a two-bedroom cottage with a full kitchen and this is a SCREAMING deal. We have stayed at Pineapple five or six times and I LOVE IT. I like it more than a resort. In fact, I do not even want to stay at a resort in Wailea. I will only stay at Pineapple.

It's small: just the cottage (a guest house type building) and 4 other double-occupancy rooms. They have snorkel gear, umbrellas, beach mats, coolers, etc for the beach and the owners could not possibly be more awesome, cool, hospitable, and fantastic. There is a laundry, plenty of parking, no daily resort fees, nobody to tip, no $19 drinks. They have a saltwater pool and hot tub and since the property is so small, I can only remember ONE TIME I had to share the pool space with someone I was not related to. It feels like MY house and MY pool (in Maui!). It's so awesome and private and such a great value.

I could probably write 500 additional words about Pineapple Inn, but I will restrain myself. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

There is a Costco right by the airport and we usually fly in around lunch, hit Costco for supplies (beer, sandwichy stuff, snacks, bottled water for the beach) then go to Pineapple to check in. (A beer upon arrival is pretty much an absolute necessity after an 8-hour flight from Texas. DON'T FORGET TO BUY BEER.) They also have leis, for a good price, if you are feeling like you need one immediately upon arrival.

(AHEM.)

Restaurants

There are a LOT of fancy restaurants in Wailea, but we tend to prefer places NOT in a hotel. So, this list skews that direction.

Gannon's

This is where we got married and the food was pretty okay last time we were there (not THE BEST, but still yummy) but what I really like is the view. The view is very awesome. The ownership has changed since we got married, but it's pretty similar food. Plus, since this IS where we got married it feels like a must-visit to us for that reason alone. If you were not into doing dinner here, cocktails and appetizers would absolutely be lovely and you'd get the same view. This is a Bev Gannon restaurant.

Sarento's on the Beach

Literally ON THE BEACH and for this place you DEFINITELY want a sunset reservation. I'd call before you arrive on the island, several weeks in advance if you can. Sometimes, we can see whales from our table. Every time we leave I am so HAPPY and PLEASED with my evening. As I recall their wine list is a little pricey (goes with the territory, perhaps) but they have some nice wines by the glass. Really good food, really nice view, spectacular service. 

Sansei, Kihei location

This isn't a fine dining place, but you'd be very impressed with the bill I can rack up at a sushi joint that serves nice sake.

It's in a strip mall, so sunset reservations do not apply. BEST SUSHI EVER.  When we go to Maui I try to eat here twice.  Three times if I can talk Chris into it. I'd make a reservation for early in your stay and then if you want to go again you'll have time.  Get the panko crusted tuna special for sure (maybe TWO orders of it). Oh, wait, I found a picture!

Panko crusted ahi with arugula and spinach in a soy butter sauce! DELICIOUS!

The tea duck eggs rolls are also to die for. I could make a whole meal out of those. 

They have a very extensive cooked/hot menu for those in your party not into raw fish, plus lots of (DELICIOUS) sushi and tons of sake and Japanese beer.  It is awesome and it's always packed and you aboslutely need a reservation so you don't have to wait two hours for a table. I could eat here every single damn night and still be asking Chris if he wanted to go again at lunch.

Tommy Bahama's, Shops at Wailea

This is in a shopping center and there's no view. The food is pricey for what it is (Welcome to Maui!). I'll be super honest, this is not my favorite place because the atmosphere is pretty formulaic and the service is just kind of casual for how expensive it is. BUT. They have great cocktails. If you need a place for a big, froofy, wild cocktail with a wedge of pineapple? And you are staying at the above B&B and thusly have no hotel or pool bar? This is a pleasant place to consume such a beverage and have a snack and then go buy postcards at the ABC downstairs.

Somtimes, they have live music. If you don't have a reservation for dinner the girls up front are all snotty like they work at some AMAZING restaurant and I always want to kick them because HI YOU WORK AT A LICENSED CLOTHING RESTAURANT. Just get a reservation so you don't end up kicking a seventeen-year-old girl.

Stella Blues

This is a simple place but they make a great breakfast and the service is always so friendly. Banana Macadamia Nut Pancakes are my favorite and the coffee is good too. Here, look at this mocha. It is probably a 1,000-calorie mocha, but vacations are made for 1,000-calorie mochas, yes?

Things To Do

Pipiwai Trail

It's the on back side of the volcano in Haleakala National Park, past Hana. Very cool hike that we REALLY enjoyed to a couple of waterfalls. It's not too strenuous and it's gorgeous. There is even a bamboo forest, which is kind of fun to walk through.

The National Park Service says,

"Visitors can hike the 4-mile (round trip) Pipiwai trail following the stream which courses through the `Ohe`o Gulch and ends at the 400-ft Waimoku Falls."

Charles Lindbergh's grave is out that way too, which is neat if you are an aviation nerd like I am.

It's a big, all day drive out there, though. When we go to Hana (and we've only been once but are going back on our upcoming trip) we spend the night because really, IT IS FAR AWAY and for us it's just too much to go out there, do things and then go all the way back to Wailea in one day. It's gorgeous though. Beyond comparison to any place I've ever been.

Iao Valley

This is nice, but there are usually several tour busses. Easy enough to get to, but honestly not my favorite stop. Kind of MEH. Not a lot to see and it's fogged in pretty frequently.

The Pineapple Winery

There is a pineapple winery on the far side of the volcano and it's terrible and far away and crowded with stupid tourists that wax poetically about PINEAPPLE WINE FTLOG and....I would not go there if I were you. It's a day-killer for not much payoff.

If you ignore me and decide that you simply must experience pineapple wine before you die (?!), pack a picnic lunch. There's not a lot to eat out that way and they have some lovely grounds and picnic tables that you could spend some time at (while drinking pineapple wine baaaaaaarf).

Catamaran Sails (Sunset, Whale-Watching, Snorkeling)

I like the cats with Sailing Maui.

We have used them three times and their ships are AMAZING.  We've done both the sunset sail and day-trip snorkel sail to Kapalua. Catered lunch, big enough boat for everyone, goes fast, see turtles, sunbathe, have cocktails, etc etc. I love this activity.

The cat picks up at the beach in Kaanapali, across from Duke's. What you do is you book the sunset sail a day or so in advance (check the weather to make sure it's decent), go to Duke's and have a lava flow at the bar, watch the catamaran come in, people watch, enjoy the atmosphere, and then walk out to the beach and onto the boat. Afterwards, you can have dinner at any place in Kaanapali (I like Leilani's, Duke's and Roy's [which is a little up the highway, but good, although you CAN find them on the mainland].)

This way, if you're staying in Wailea you can make a sort of afternoon/evening out of the trip up to Kaanapali.

Lava Floooooow!

Shopping

I like to stroll the Shops at Wailea and the shops in Kaanapali at Whaler's Village. (I do not like shopping in Lahaina on Front Street. It's very trinkety-junky and I actually dislike Lahaina a lot.) Shopping is basically what I do when it's too rainy to go to the beach. It usually only rains for a morning or afternoon, then clears up and shopping for aloha dresses or postcards is an easy way to fritter some time.

Molokini

I am super MEH on Molokini. It's a sunken crater and that's all sexy sounding and everything but it's SO CROWDED out there. Easily 15 or 30 boats at a time, 10 snorkelers per. The boats are smallish, it's not fun to ride on them like a catamaran is. You have to cross a channel with a strong current (BUMPY) to get there and....MEH. There ARE a lot of fish at Molokini, but there are a lot of fish where the Sailing Maui people took us and it was just a waaaaaay nicer experience.

Haleakala National Park

This is the volcano and I LOVE the drive up there. It takes a while, but not nearly as long as the drive to Hana. It's a pretty drive, with lots of places to stop. Maybe pack a picnic lunch. There's a lavender farm half-way up and I'd like to visit it this time. Once you get to the top, it's COLD and WINDY and so alien and so very cool.

You can see all the way to the Big Island - that's Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa behind Chris. 

This is the crater - so cool right? Can you believe this is on a tropical island??

We've never done a hike on Haleakala, but there are lots of trails and we might try one this time. I have never done sunrise on the volcano but I am told it is also MEH because you drive up in the dark! And you can't see anything! And you have to leave at like 3 am! And, well, that sounds not very fun on a lot of different metrics.

The draw to this crazy idea is sometimes, as the sun comes over the horizon there is a green flash. Something about the curvature of the earth and the altitude, I think? But, only SOMETIMES. How mad would you be to go through all that effort and NO GREEN FLASH?

You can do a bike ride down the volcano, where they take you up in a van with the bikes and let you loose at the top to coast down, which sounds SO fun to me, but Chris thinks it's dangerous (I CANNOT IMAGINE WHY) so I can never talk him into it. 

Makena Beach

This is the beach we go to. In my experience, it is usually about this crowded. I have no desire to try other beaches because we have done that a few times and they just aren't as good.

There's a tiny public parking lot and you walk a little bit to the beach. It's smallish. There are a lot of turtles in the bay (I think they call it Turtle Town) and there are sometimes boats from Molokini that stop by.  I'm told that the snorkeling is good, but I've never tried it here. I love this beach. It's super close to Pineapple, super accessible, and hardly ever jammed with people.

***

So, there you go. Two thousand words of opinion about what to see and do on Maui. (I am not known for brevity on this topic.) If anyone else has favorites, pipe up in the comment box. I'm always looking for new stuff to try!

The California Adventure

It has been hot this summer. (As you know.) In Texas, it has been really and truly awful. We are on day 61 of 100-plus-degrees this year. I know that in other parts of the country and world it gets hotter or there are hurricanes or earthquakes and yes, the weather can be sucktacular in all places but what I am describing to you is less about heat and more about something like house arrest with a newborn and preschooler FOR THREE MONTHS STRAIGHT.

Just think about that for a moment. Inside, for 90-odd days, with an energetic preschooler and a newborn. Twenty-four-hours a day, seven days a week. Yeahhhhhhh. It works something like this: I can go to the pool when it's 110-degrees outside and Claire probably can too, for a little bit, but I can't take teeny Charlotte outside when it's that hot and expect her to nap peacefully in her car seat. I would basically be baking the baby.

Similarly, I can go to the playground and Claire probably can too, for a little bit, and she might have to stay off the slide so it doesn't burn her legs, but I can't take the baby out there. It's just too damn hot for a baby. She can't regulate her own body temperature but that doens't really matter as she's not a reptile in the first place and doesn't gain anything by BAKING HERSELF. Same goes for walks around the block, riding scooters and bikes, playing tag, blowing bubbles, water table, popsicles on the porch. TOO DAMN HOT.

The above items are about the limit of (free) outdoor activities in suburban north Texas during the summertime for children. We have no mountains, no National Parks, no rivers to float. We do have some lakes, but I don't have a boat and small children near a lake where I can't see the murky bottom kind of freak me out, so no lakes for us.

This is a very long and complainy way to say we were all getting very bored of looking at each other while the ceiling fan rotated above our heads. A vacation was in order. We had to leave the state. Chris initially wanted to go to Estes Park, Colorado. Mountains! Cool air! A National Park to explore! Sounds nice, yes? Then we got an invitation from my best friend to come visit her in California. She lives less than a mile from the beach, has an extra bedroom, a daughter Claire's age and, this is key, ALL THE BABY CRAP WE COULD WANT. Crib! Double stroller! Blankets! Bjorn! Boppy! Bouncy seat! Rocking chair! Washing machine and dryer! An extra pair of hands and eyes!

Hmmm. This sounded good. This sounded very good. We priced out airfare and it was just over $1,000. We could fly ourselves to Estes Park for about $400 in fuel, but then we'd have to pay for lodging and there was no stockpile of baby accessories in Estes Park and....hrmmmm. California sounds verrrrry nice, actually. But then I went to book the tickets and in the four hours since I'd last checked they doubled in price. Also, there were not two seats together on any of the seven or eight outbound flights. Shit. No California.

And then, through the absolute magic that is Twitter, Chris found a flash sale from Virgin America and we got non-stop tickets to LAX for the entire family for $650, which is a CRAZYPANTS deal. We pounced. We booked a rental car. We booked a night at a hotel near Disneyland. I started doing laundry. We were leaving in less than a week!

***

The flight was awesome. Virgin America has some lovely aircraft and very nice people working for them. Highly recommend. I did not really worry about flying with a three-month-old and almost three-year-old too much because I was going to haul them on the plane no matter what. Screaming? Get on the plane. We are going where it is cool outside come hell or high water. It's less than three hours. I can put up with anything for less than three hours.

Turns out they were both dreamboats. Charlotte slept in my arms for almost the whole flight and Claire was sufficiently entertained with an iPhone for most of the trip.

Our first stop was Disneyland. This is the borrowed stroller, a Phil and Teds. I was grateful for ANY transportation that would haul them both around but this stroller kind of kicked ass. Chris got a lot of comments and looks while he was pushing it around. It was pretty perfect for us. Claire could easily jump in and out up front and Charlotte was fairly comfy in the back. She fell asleep in it often and with a hat and blankets we thought we kept her well-shaded. (FORESHADOWING.)

We had no agenda, plans or expectations with taking the girls to Disneyland. We just figured that we were in the neighborhood so we should go and make an event of it. Her favorite ride was the tea cups, which also happens to be MY favorite ride. We strolled and saw characters and had a nice lunch. Pretty simple stuff.

After a fun day we headed to the hotel about 3p for naps and showers. We had dinner reservations that evening before World of Color - some kind of fountain, music, light show that is supposed to be awesome and Maggie told me it was can't miss. We put the baby in the pack and play the hotel provided, tucked Claire into a bed and everyone had some quiet time.

Two hours later we woke everyone up. As I was dressing the baby I noticed that her face was red. Very, very red, actually. Her arms were red too. Perhaps it was the eczema, coming back again? Except...it never really looked like this. Eczema was more peely and rough and this was bright, bright red. Was the baby...sunburned? No, not possible! We'd kept her covered up all day long! I am very annoying about making sure she is covered up at all times (but not hot) but her skin is so red and OHMYGOD I THINK WE SUNBURNED THE BABY WE ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS. I was mortified. It was so unlike me to let this happen. How did this happen? Gahhhh.

I guessed she'd be somewhat uncomfortable later but I figured that might be the extent of the damage. It didn't look *too* bad. She was acting just fine and dandy. But, then I Googled "baby sunburn" and everything came back uniformly consistent on what to do next (which the internet almost NEVER is, about ANYTHING): Call your doctor at once if you suspect your baby has a sunburn.

Shit.

Primary concerns with a sunburned baby were dehydration, but Charlotte had been eating like a champ all day. I didn't think she was dehydrated. She also wasn't cranky in the slightest. She didn't act like her face and arms hurt and what was also odd is that I'd felt like her chubby legs had been exposed to more sun (if any, because really, she was VERY COVERED UP ALL DAY). But perhaps there was some odd reflection that bounced the rays up under her hat? I don't know. Her face is just so RED. GAH GAH GAH. As I fretted over what to do next, Chris was toweling the baby's face with a wet washcloth.

I called the night nurse, since it was 6p in California and 8p in Texas by now. As I described her symptoms the oddest thing began to happen: the redness was rapidly dissipating. Over three or four minutes it totally vanished. Chris had an ah-ha moment and pointed at the sheet in the pack and play. It had probably been washed in some sort of horrible, industrial strength bleachy detergent concoction and she was probably having a reaction to having her face on it while she slept. This made a little bit of sense as all we use at home is hippie laundry soap. When Chris was toweling her face, it must have removed some of the irritant. Night nurse agreed that might be it, but to call tomorrow if she was still red, but since she wasn't upset and was still eating not to worry for the time being. Watch and wait.  

We bathed Charlotte, waited about ten minutes and the whole thing vanished. I breathed a big sigh of relief. We did not sunburn the baby. (I knew it!)

In that hour of fret we had missed our dinner reservation and Claire was SUPER cranky (I think she would have slept until morning if we'd let her). We sort of looked at each other and knew that it was a terrible idea to go back to the park with our two kids. Even if we could get Charlotte back to sleep at some point, Claire was beyond done with being conscious for the day. We went to a pizza joint a few blocks away, had some beers and came back to the hotel. Wise decision. There was no World of Color for us on this trip.

When we got back to the hotel we had an unanticipated problem: What was the baby supposed to sleep on? We were using the 2 blankets we'd brought to double swaddle her and she had barfed on every burp rag we'd brought with us. We looked around for a bit and finally put one of Chris' undershirts on the bottom of the crib.

And that is how Charlotte's first trip to Disneyland and overnight stay in a hotel went. Looks like we should spring for a place with classier linens next time. (Haaaa, I kid. We were in a Fairfield Inn by Marriott, which is a perfectly fine, if relatively simple place to stay. Seriously, I ADORE Marriott properties. Bring your own crib sheet, though.) (Which, I actually thought about bringing my own but we were space limited on luggage so I sacrificed it at the last minute. Lesson learned.)

Let's talk about Cajun food and where I'm going to eat it

Does anyone else read the dinner menus of fancy restaurants for entertainment? Because truly, that is one of my FAVORITE things to do.

We are headed to New Orleans for the weekend and one of my top priorities is picking out a few fancy places to eat. Eating at a fancy restaurant that has chilled salad forks is easily one of my top three favorite things about being an adult with disposable income. Since New Orleans has amazing food I've been having a really tough time picking out my chilled salad fork locations.

If this is the kind of thing you ALSO like to do, help a girl out. Where would YOU make reservations? We have three dinners to plan. I've got a list of lunch and snacky spots already, so this list is just for dinner. (But if you have lunch and snacky ideas, BRING THEM TO ME.)

Commander's Palace

This is a New Orleans institution, and the menu looks okay-to-good to me but the pictures look sort of...stuffy.  What do you think?  I'm totally willing to try it because it's so famous and it's a THING, but the stuffy part is making me really hesitant. A few things that look interesting on the menu:

Local Tomato “Ceviche” - Creole & green tomato caviars with crab boiled mozzarella, yellow tomato curry, tiny tomatoes, sweet onions pressed basil and green tomato chow chow

Tabasco & Garlic Seared Shrimp - Marinated with lemon & blackening spice, cast iron seared with Hennessey cognac and roasted mushrooms, cracked corn-jalapeño grits and spicy Creole tomato paint

Veal Chop Tchoupitoulas - 14 oz. chop of milk fed veal over goat cheese stone ground grits with buttered spring asparagus, fire roasted tomatoes and Commander’s classic green peppercorn demi glace (Except, the part about how it's milk-fed makes me sad for the POOR BABY COW. Why did they mention that??)

Dick and Jenny's

This menu looks awesome and came highly rated/reco'd from several online sources for both lunch and dinner. I am pretty sure we're going to hit this one up and if we max out on dinner places we can always go for lunch.

Fried Green Tomatoes & Louisiana Crab Cakes – Topped with Red Pepper Aioli

 New Orleans Style BBQ Shrimp & Grits – Big Easy Style BBQ Shrimp Served Over Stone-Ground Goat Cheese Grits

 Braised Lamb Shank – With Goat Cheese-Thyme Grits, Grilled Asparagus & a Rosemary-Sage Demi Glace

Emeril's (his flagship New Orleans restaurant) or NOLA (another one of his restaurants)

New Orleans and Emeril go hand-in-hand and I want to go to ONE of his restaurants while we're there but I can't decide which.  Emeril's looks good but I have been to NOLA before and I really liked it. I'm tempted to try something new but, then again, a good prior experience speaks volumes. Am kind of thinking that we can't screw up here though: likely to have a really good meal at both, which is making it tough to choose. Maybe we should just do both? I mean, you like what you like, right?

Emeril's

Homemade Andouille and Boudin with Southern Cooked Greens, Beer Braised Onions, Whole Grain Mustard and Emeril's Worcestershire Sauce

Creole Marinated Calamari Flash Fried with Olive Salad, Smoked Tomato Sauce and Parmesan

Andouille Crusted Texas Redfish with Grilled Vegetables, Shoestring Potatoes, Glazed Pecans and Creole Meunière Sauce

Saffron-Chili Dusted Jumbo Shrimp with Sweet Potato-Smoked Corn Grits, Skillet Beans, Benton's Bacon and Mango Chow Chow

NOLA

Hickory-Roasted Duck with Whiskey-Caramel Glaze, Buttermilk Cornbread Pudding, Haricot Verts-Fire Roasted Corn Salad, Natural Jus and Candied Pecans

Sautéed Gulf Shrimp, Grilled Green Onions, Smoked Cheddar Grits, Apple Smoked Bacon, Crimini Mushrooms and Red Chili-Abita Butter Sauce

Side dish: Bourbon Mashed Sweet Potatoes (HOLY YUM)

And the desserts? MY GOD, THE DESSERTS. I might have to order them ALL. (Only kidding about 5% on that one.) Am leaning towards NOLA based solely on dessert.

Almond Tart with Chocolate Ice Cream, Orange Segments and Pedro Ximenez Sherry Reduction

Banana Pudding Layer Cake with a Graham Cracker Crust, Homemade Vanilla Wafers and a Warm Fudge Drizzle

Peanut Butter and Chocolate Cheesecake with Oreo Crumbles, Raspberry Compote and Chocolate Drizzle

Warm Ooey Gooey Cake with Layers of Moist Chocolate Cake, Marshmallows and Toasted Coconut served with Coffee Ice Cream

Crème Brûlée Trio: Vanilla Bean Crème Brûlée with Fresh Berries, Coconut Crème Brûlée with a Coconut Truffle and Mocha Crème Brûlée with Chocolate-Almond Biscotti 

Bayona

Hmmm. Another one that makes a couple of "best of" lists but fails to impress me online.

Chorizo-stuffed Rabbit Roulade and Panéed Leg, Toasted Angel hair, Escarole, Sherry Garlic Sauce

Chocolate Hazelnut Torte with Chocolate and Cherrry Sauce

Stella!

Also comes with a good recommendation via Epicurious but it looks a little too high-concept for me. The chef is described as "global-modern cuisine influenced by world flavors as well as his Louisiana roots."  HUH? It tastes like WHAT? The menu has a lot of asian-inspired stuff and a couple of token shrimp. I can't decide if it just reads bad or really IS bad.

Louisiana Gulf Shrimp and Andouille Risotto with Caramelized Shiitake Mushrooms, Local Scallions and Virgin Olive Oil

Duck Five Ways ~ Szechwan Seared Breast, Lacquered Leg and Thigh, Moo Shoo Pancake Stir-Fry, Duck Miso Broth, Crisp Foie Gras Won Tons and Currant Cassis Reduction

Miso and Sake Glazed Japanese Mero Sea Bass with Udon, Green Tea and Soba Noodles, Canadian Lobster, Blue Crab and Shrimp Broth

Chocolate Cake with Toasted Coconut and Pecan Ganache, Coconut Cloud, Caramel Sauce and Milk Chocolate Mousse Nitro

Brigtsen's

Described as a little dated, but very, very yummy. The desserts (and rest of the menu actually) seem simple, but sound really good.

Blackened Tuna with Smoked Corn Sauce, Red Bean Salsa, & Roasted Red Pepper Sour Cream

Pan-Roasted Pork Tenderloin with Sweet Potato Dirty Rice & Pork Debris Sauce

Brigtsen's Seafood Platter (aka the "Shell Beach Diet")  (HA HA! I like it when people make jokes on menus.)
         ~Grilled Drum Fish with Crawfish & Pistachio Lime Sauce
         ~Shrimp Cornbread with Jalapeño Smoked Corn Butter
         ~Baked Oyster LeRuth with Shrimp & Crabmeat
         ~Baked Oyster Bienville
         ~Jalapeño Shrimp Cole Slaw
         ~Panéed Sea Scallop with Asparagus Coulis

Strawberries with Trés Leches Cake

Café au Lait Crème Brulee (YUM)

Strawberry Shortcake

Holy crap, NOW I AM SO HUNGRY. Which three would you pick? Have any other ideas for me?

(SOOOO HUNGRY.)

The one where I rant about first class, like the unapologetic snob that I am

We left Claire with my parents two Sundays ago and we flew to Maui a week ago last Tuesday.  It was a blur of suitcases and sacred plastic bags and boarding passes but we made it, finally, to what seems like the other side of the world, so far away from her that it was very nearly physically painful.

We were alone (gloriously alone!) with only ourselves to talk to and look at and make fun of and while it's enough and we're both still quite entertaining after almost 5 years of marriage and we CERTAINLY enjoyed the limitless amounts of personal time, there is this simple truth that I very plainly dislike it when my family is apart.

It was nice to go on vacation, but nicer to come home.

***

We flew First Class and used ALL of our miles.  It's an 8 hour flight and that's a long time to spend cramped up in coach.  I don't mind it so much, I find that I can tolerate just about anything for 8 hours, but Chris is taller than I am and he finds 8 hours in coach to be absolutely miserable and bordering on torture.  So, when the opportunity presented itself we said yes, we will go miles bankrupt and really class it up on this trip with cushy seats, legroom and free booze.

My expectations were pretty low.  I know that American Airlines doesn't have very nice aircraft and they don't have a very nice first class cabin service.  But, I reasoned, THE LEGROOM.  The legroom will make it worth it!  We won't arrive all folded up like origami people - we will be refreshed and comfortable.  That makes it worth going miles-bankrupt.

After 16 hours I can tell you that's really all you're paying for up in first class: the legroom.  And honestly, on American Airlines it's not THAT much legroom.  It's really only what I would say coach should be in a rational world where you give people the space they actually need to exit a row safely in case of emergency.  I still had to maneuver and make Chris get out of his aisle seat so that I could exit our row every time I wanted to go to the bathroom.  He had to pick up my glass so I wouldn't knock it over with my butt and, if I do say so, my butt isn't even that big.  The seat in front of me was kind of imposing when it reclined.

They fed us a lot of food but it wasn't very GOOD.  It was fake-fancy food, which is what I expect on a plane but then they went to the trouble to try to dress it up on the menu, which was misleading.  On the menu it sounded good but it was really just an overly cooked, dry Lean Cuisine wannabe and even the Lean Cuisine people are honest about their product and know that you have to put SAUCE on it to make it tolerable. MEMO: ADD SAUCE TO ENTREES, AMERICAN AIRLINES.

See?  Looks fancy, right?  IT WAS NOT.

I think the Boston Market salad and sandwiches they were selling in coach might have been better than what we got.  They did serve ice cream sundaes but the ice cream was sort of weird.  I couldn't put my finger on what brand it was but it was sort of...chalky and left a coating in my mouth.  It was nice that they kept shoving snacks at us (something to do to pass the time) but it's the whole illusion that it's GOURMET and DELICIOUS and VALUABLE that kills me.

The other crap thing is that AA still doesn't have individual TVs in first class like Jetblue and some others do in coach.  We were stuck looking at a 13" drop down CRT at the front of the cabin, which, FOR SERIOUS? I have a better option ON MY PHONE.

We got to board first, which is okay I guess, but dudes, everyone gets on the plane at some point so I'm not sure there's a huge benefit to this.  It's more of a percieved benefit. The crew on the LAX to OGG flight was superb - they were actually NICE and HAPPY and open to requests.  I'm guessing it's because they're more senior and get to pick this route rather than taking the leftovers. The crew from DFW to LAX was not so great.  They spent a lot of time lecturing passengers for no reason.

The aircraft we were on were also super dirty and grimy in lots of places and the whole thing needed to be run over with a magic eraser.  (Truthfully, every plane I've been on in the last 8 years was filthy.)  I actually scrubbed my armrest with the hot towel at one point because I could SEE the accumulated dirt and it was grossing me out.

It was just such a disappointing experience.  The website said that first class people got Bose Noise Cancelling Headsets but all I got were cheaptastic ear buds.  The outlets didn't work. The duvet and pillow they provided smelled like a mixture of feet and dry cleaning fluid and as soon as I opened them from their plastic bags I had to cram them back under the seat for fear of vomiting.

And YES, I know that these are little things but the value of a first class ticket to Maui is $4,200!!  A coach ticket is about $800.

You can't convince me that this experience is worth $3,200.  The thing about a flight is that it's a limited amount of time that you have to tolerate something and then it's over.  When I break down a first class ticket into an hourly cost, it's outrageous!

We did save $140 on checked bags, which, oh thanks American, that's SO GENEROUS of you.

Part 2: How we did Disney World all kinds of backwards and wrong, but we still had fun

Where did we leave off?  Oh yes, I had booked a trip to Disney World with my 20-month-old only 4 days out.  This was really stupid since it wasn't enough time to buy snacks, much less airplane entertainment and sunscreen.  But!  No worries!  Disney has your back!

Lesson #6 You could show up empty-handed with ten babies and be totally fine (And?  BABIES ARE FREE, SO WHY NOT DO JUST THAT?  Heh.  Yeah, only a complete moron or someone who lost a bet would do that.)

Anyhoodle, they sell EVERYTHING at Disney.  Way beyond the obvious clothes, hats and sunscreen I found swim diapers, strollers (you can rent them at the gate) bottles, formula, sippy cups, blankies, lovies, bibs -- really anything your local Target Baby aisle carries -- all emblazoned with Disney characters, natch.   Honestly, I would not be surprised if there's nursing shop somewhere on property just in case you forget your pump/Boppy/etc.  They are THAT accommodating.

Point being, don't stress about packing.  Please.  Stress about something more important because if you forgot something?  I guarantee $10 and a trip to the lobby shop will solve your problem. (Yet another plus to staying on property.)

Lesson #7 The food is good, healthyish and very accessible for kids

I was a bit anxious to see how feeding Claire would play out.  (She's, um, a little picky.)  I couldn't exactly pack 5 days worth of Yo Baby.

(My God, it would be 20 containers and I wish I was joking.  Here she is having her THIRD Yo Baby for breakfast after waking up and shouting, "EAT! EAT! EAAAAAATTTTTT!"  We bought it a local grocery before we got on property.  There was a fridge in the room but that's the only thing we had in-room and we ran out at one point so Chris just bought her some Light 'n Fit in the hotel cafe.)

I packed no food and was SO pleasantly surprised to see that Disney has a TON of great options for picky kids with picky parents.

Everywhere we went -- from a 5-star restaurant to a kiosk in a park -- stocked apples or grapes in a little package.  For my fruit-addict toddler, this was FANTASTIC.  There were also had some nice looking chicken nuggets, simple pastas, pb&j, and usually some other "themed" item appropriate for the restaurant like a mini pizza at an Italian place or a plain mini-burger at a diner.  Most places also had a generous amount of a la carte items so you could "create" a meal out of random things if you have the kind of child that demands that. (Sound familiar? Yes?  Someone say that sounds familiar. Please.)

We had a nice dinner one night at a fancy place and when I asked if maybe she could have some berries, you know, if there are any in the kitchen?  Our server didn't even pause to inhale before he asked me "What are her favorite things to eat?" I rattled off a list of ten or fifteen TOTALLY RANDOM items that were definitely NOT on the menu and the dude brought us half of them.  In 5 minutes.  Wow.  WOW.

He brought Claire a wee fancy frozen bowl of berries (several times actually, she kept eating them all) and it was so posh and cute.  Here we were in this fancy restaurant, having a very "adult" meal and Claire was coloring (crayons in a fancy restaurant!) and nobody was giving us the evil eye or sighing heavily because they had to make special allowances in the kitchen for her picky toddler ways.

It really made the trip appeal to ME and feel like I could have it all - the trip to Disney World, the ride on Dumbo and the fabulous Cabernet with my husband for dinner.  Honestly, it felt kind of like a date.

Lesson #8 You don't actually have to wait in line any more

I was kind of shocked at this one.  The Fast Pass system is pretty ingenious and it was new to me.  We'd just go check in for whatever we wanted to go on next and in the meantime wander about, get snacks or ride something with a short line.  Our Fast Pass wait time was never more than about 90 minutes and it worked out great.  Claire has no patience for standing in a confined space.

If I were to go again, I might map out all the things in a park with a Fast Pass and sort of plan my day around that.

Lesson #9 If you used to live in Kenya, you will not be impressed with Disney's Animal Kingdom.

Oh wait, you didn't all used to live in Kenya? JUST ME?  I've been on safari and I've seen Nairobi, Mombasa and all that jazz and I am at a point in my life where I think zoos (even "big" zoos/parks) are just sad.  SAD SAD SAD.

The animals don't have enough space and there are never ENOUGH animals. (Two giraffes/cape buffalo/lions/hyenas/etc is just depressing; they are herd animals.  They can't be happy like this.) The gawking, pointing and shouting feels so disrespectful to them and I just always want to hide my face and tell them I'm sorry they have to live here.

So, maybe skip this one if you used to live in Africa.

Lesson #10: This really isn't a lesson, but a lot of you seem to be worried about stroller theft

Okay, I was worried about this too because ohmygosh Stroller Parking looks like a stroller thief's DREAM LAND, right?  I also figured there wasn't much we could do about it short of rigging some sort of bike lock through the wheels and dude, who wants to carry THAT around?  Bike locks are heavy and my kid and her stuff are heavy enough already.  Let's not ADD to the weight.

We put her name and our phone numbers on it and hoped for the best. 

But! In the interest of reporting the whole story I did a wee bit of Googling.  The keywords, "do people steal strollers at disney" returned 95,400 results.  Wow.  It appears that people DO steal strollers at Disney.

This blogger had a stroller stolen last year.  In the comments, it happened to other people too.  Lots of 'em! They surmise that there's some sort of high end, high volume Disney stroller organized crime going on in Orlando and really, this does not surprise me because it sounds like easy money.

One of the commenters even suggests my bike lock idea.  Some of the people managed to get their stroller back at the end of the day so it seems like maybe some parents don't bring a stroller, then decide they need one and steal a stroller for the day rather than renting one, which, WTF?

You can't spend $20 on a rental stroller when you spent $100/person to WALK IN THE GATE? They abandon it when they leave the park.  (I guess if you don't take it home it's not really stealing?  Is that the logic here?)

THAT IS SO CRAPPY!  You would think that another PARENT would understand the trauma they were inflicting on a fellow PARENT.  We are all in this together!  Don't steal our toddler/baby managing devices!  Ugh.  People are so rude.

 

Breckenridge Ski Trip 2010: The Pictures and The Lessons

Lesson #1:  You don't look so hot in a puffy outfit.

On a ski trip, you should not expect to come home with photos that are flattering.  Skiing is perhaps the most unflattering sport ever unless you are:

1) An Olympic skier that wears spandex outfits down the mountain with logos and numbers on them, thereby indicating you are fast and worthy of looking like a super-hero during the daytime.  Also, you ski every day so you probably look really hot in your spandex ski outfit.

2) A person who skis several times a year (maybe you actually LIVE in Colorado) and actually owns fashionable ski garb and not whatever Academy still had in your size on the rack for $29.99 (on sale!) the night before you left.

Anyway.  Here we are with my friend Julie, all bundled up and ready to try not to fall down.

Lesson #2: It's okay to wear your hat in the hot tub.  Appropriate, even.

After the first day of skiing, we scampered on up to the hot tub before dinner.  It was snowing, in that sort of light and delicate way that makes you think of Audrey Hepburn movies for some reason.  My next act was very un-Audrey though: My head was cold and my wet hair was actually getting crunchy and frozen, so I got out my hat and then decided to top off the ensemble with my goggles.

Then I made everyone else do the same thing.  And we took pictures. 

 

 

Lesson #3: Make small mental notes throughout the day.

Try to remember where you left your skis so you don't have to trudge around the frillions of racks looking at all the rented skis IDENTICAL TO YOURS, hunting for the tiny sticker that says "AS" on it.

You'll save yourself a lot of cuss words this way.

Lesson #4: Take time for hot chocolate. 

I think one of the best parts of skiing is being all frigid and cold and cranky and then talking your husband into taking a break.  You wander into one of the exorbitantly priced restaurants at 11,000 feet on the mountain and buy yourself a $7 Swiss Miss hot chocolate and you vomit in your mouth a little when she tells you how much, but you pay anyway.

Oh, hot chocolate.  YOU ARE DELICIOUS.  See how happy I am after my $7 hot chocolate (that didn't even come with booze)?

 

Lesson #5: You get drunker waaaaay faster at 10,000 feet.

Did you know this?  I did not know this.  But, dear internet, I am here to tell you that it is apparantly true.  The local tv had all sorts of PSAs on about how to behave in Breckenridge and how not to get caught drunk driving and all I could think was, "This place must be batshit crazy around Spring Break if they have to run stuff like this on TV."

Fortunately for us, it wasn't all that busy and we stopped in at Breckenridge Brewery TWICE for some yummy, yummy beers.  I also had the most amazing pile of nachos that you've EVER seen outside of the Great State of Texas.

While we're talking about booze, let me show you a really terrible picture of a really delicious cocktail I had one night.

Bourbon cocktails are my new Thing I Try When We Go Out.  I've discovered that I LOVE a properly made Old-Fashioned and I've started ordering them wherever we go.  This drink has vanilla bourbon and Grand Marnier in it and, well, YUM.  It's a really horrible picture, isn't it?

We had lamb chops for dinner.

We had bourbon pecan creme brulee for dessert and they put a candle in it because I told them my birthday was the next day.

(Vacation Tip: Tell everyone it is your "Birthday Vacation" and you will get free dessert every single night.  You heard it here first.)

(It really was my birthday vacation though.  I turned 31 last week.)

 

Lesson #6: Crepes are surprisingly popular.

There's this crepe hut/shack type thing that supposedly has these amazing Crepes that everyone in town kept talking about.  After dinner one night we head over there.  There are about 15 people milling around but we're like, "Crepes!  They can't take that long to make!"

We get in line.  We take pictures.

We stand in the falling snow and 20-degree night and freeze our asses off waiting for crepes.  After THIRTY MINUTES with no forward motion in the line, we venture to the waiting area to ask how long people have been there. They say FORTY FIVE MINUTES after they placed their order.  They are still crepe-less and they also look really cold.

 

We bail on Crepes a la Cart.  They suck.

Then I wanted to go home and throw up because seriously? It's obvious that all I did was eat and drink on my vacation.  AS IT WELL SHOULD BE.

Todays episode: How not to plan a vacation. Really, don't do what I did.

We've had this vacation planned for months.  We're in Breckenridge, Colorado, in the middle of an actual Winter Wonderland, with another couple that I went to college with.  Really, it's very dreamy and nice here.

We booked it in October and then promptly forgot about it until it was time to pack, as evidenced by my panicky tweets last Thursday night:

We ended up locating the suitcase and the bathing suits at 1030 pm in the hangar (yes, the very same one we keep an AIRPLANE in), which makes total sense, no?  I mean, that's the first place you'd think to look, isn't it? 

When we put the house on the market I went through a very serious packing/de-cluttering bonanza and put a lot of things in storage.  The obvious intent was that the house would look bigger/neater/awesomer with less stuff in it.  The bathing suits and suitcase were casualties of that event, but this just illustrates how much planning I put into this vacation: ZERO. 

You guys, we have just been BUSY for the past few months.  It's not just the house selling/buying crap (and, believe me, that's been a HUGE time suck that I owe you an update on), but it was Christmas, Thanksgiving, the end of football season (since we have season tickets, we're busy traveling a lot in the fall) plus the everyday business of parenting a toddler, maintaining a marriage, staying employed and making sure there's like, bread and yogurt and milk in the house every morning.

Because if Claire doesn't get her yogurt in the morning?  THERE IS HELL TO PAY.

Julie, the wife in the couple we're here with, told me that she thought something was WRONG WITH US (like, we were deathly ill) when I didn't call her several times after booking to discuss Important Trip Details.  She said, "I thought something might have been wrong because usually you are all over trip details but this time it was radio silence."

She's totally right: after I booked the plane and condo I forgot about the whole thing, always figuring that as it got closer I'd spend more time on it.  Ha.  Oh, HA HA HA.

We arrived on Friday with no directions on how to get from Denver to Breckenridge, no lift tickets pre-purchased (and thus, no savings on them either), no dinner reservations for the week, I forgot my toothbrush AND shampoo and Chris forgot shaving cream. 

Our rental car turned out to be far too small for our luggage (someone named Julie packed a bag big enough to fit three toddlers in - no judgment!) and we spent thirty minutes cramming bags into four different vehicles before we found one it would fit into.  I thought the Enterprise lady was going to kill us.

Chris couldn't see out the rear view mirror by the time we were finished, Julie and I had bags on our laps and the car smelled vaguely of cigarette smoke.

But!  No matter! The doors closed, so we signed on the dotted line and drove off.

We are here now, on day 2. We are in a kick-ass condo with a hot tub on the balcony that overlooks this charming town with snowy mountains in the background.  The condo has CABLE (such a novelty since we don't have it at home) and a fireplace that you turn on with a light switch! 

I bought a toothbrush, shaving cream and shampoo (Pantene was TEN DOLLARS a bottle in the teeny grocery store - I didn't buy it).  We bought lift tickets at the window and suffered a $20/day penalty for not buying in advance.  We had to get take-out the first night because there was a 45 minute wait without reservations.

I had a headache that night and woke up at 2 am.  I stumbled into the bathroom and dug around in Chris' dopp kit for some Motrin.  I found the bottle and took two of the tablets in it.  The next morning he told me that I'd taken two of his blood pressure pills.  I told him to maybe label his medication in the future if he's going to swap the container.  (Eerily enough, I didn't feel any different because of it and my headache went away.)

BUT WE ARE HERE DAMMIT.  We are not at work, we are not stressing about milk, yogurt or bread, and we are constantly looking out the window and saying, "Ohhhh!  Look at all that lovely snow!"  (We are from Texas.  We are easily impressed by Winter Weather, especially when it's not our responsibility to shovel it.)

Last night I was drinking a Breckenridge Brewery Vanilla Porter (that we'd picked up from the brewery itself) in the hot tub with loads of bubbles, with the husband and the friends and we all had our hats and goggles on because it was snowing.  We looked ridiculous.  We had just spent a marvelous day on the mountain, where nobody wiped out so bad they cried (I might have done that on a previous trip), everyone had fun and I even held my poles in the air and screamed "WOOOOOOOOO!" as I whooshed down the mountain just a leeeetle too fast.

I thought, "You know, this ain't so bad.  Even though I totally screwed some stuff up, this isn't so terrible.  Even mis-managed vacations are kind of awesome. I am never doing this again though."

Cancun Adventure Part Three: It's the sort of thing that always looks a little tacky, no matter where you hang it

After a day and a half in the pool we decided to mix things up and go deep sea fishing.  We picked it for two solid reasons:

• Chris likes to fish
• A trip to the Mayan ruins sounded terribly boring

We were going to share a boat with 4 other people and we were supposed to be in the lobby at 630 am for the tour company to pick us up.  We were in the lobby at 620, but that didn't do us any good since they never showed up.  At 715 am the concierge called them to see what had happened.

It was pretty clear that we'd been forgotten about and that the boat probably left without us.  They end up sending a taxi and then, much to our delight, giving us our own boat with nobody else on it.  This is pretty cool since a private charter normally runs several hundred dollars an hour and we still only had to pay the shared rate.  (Which was considerably less than several hundred dollars.)  SCORE!

At 745 we hit the water.  It's already hot and muggy and the camera fogs up when we turn it on.

The great part was we didn't actually have to do any of the dirty work.  We had a crew for that.

This is Martin.  He drives the boat and hollers at the other boats on the radio.  As far as I can tell, that's all he does.

This is Luis.  Luis pretty much works his ass off the whole 6 hours we're on the boat.  He puts all the lines out, takes care of the icky bait and takes the fish off the line after we reel them in so I don't have to touch them.  Luis doesn't wear shoes even though there's a big knife and a lot of sharp, poky fish hooks on the deck.

(Also, we were not given a safety briefing before we left the dock.  They just told us where the cooler with the beer was.  I tried not to think about if there were even ANY life vests on board.  Ah, Mexico!)

Anyway, for a while it's pretty boring.  We're just tooling around, it's godawful hot, the sun is beating down and the the fumes from the exhaust are starting to make me ill.  Luis is busy putting out lines and we've got 3 or 4 sticking out the back of the boat.

Here is Luis working hard while I sit and take pictures of myself. 

After a while, I start to wonder if we're ever going to catch ANYTHING.  I mean, there's totally a possibility that we drive around for 6 hours and catch NOTHING.  It could happen.  I tell Chris there is NO WAY I can do this for 6 hours and we might have to go back early.  I am starting to think that fishing really IS as boring as I thought and that Chris was lying when he told me it can be "pretty exciting."  2 hours in and this is the exact OPPOSITE of exciting.

Finally, Luis starts messing with one of the lines and then declares that we've got something.  He hands the rod to Chris and he starts reeling it in.  To my complete surprise, I'm getting kind of excited.  It's sort of like a grab bag - what will be on the other end?  I don't know!  IT'S A SURPRISE!!!  SQUEE!!!

My excitement turned to horror though when Luis just freaking STABBED our grab bag fish with a giant hook.

He did it as easily as you stick a toothpick in a cube of cheese.  POKE.  Then he threw the fish in a cooler where it flopped around NOISILY until it perished all the way.  He also dumped a bucket of seawater on the deck to wash away the blood.  It was beyond unsettling.  (But really, how do you humanely kill a fish?  Do you pop him in the head?  What's the correct protocol here?  Clearly, I've never been fishing where you KEEP the fish.)

Before getting on the boat, nobody really told us what happens to the fish we catch.  The brochure said they'd filet them for us if we wanted to take them to our hotel and grill 'em up.  But since we didn't want to do that they never said what might happen instead.  I sort of assumed this would be a catch and release type of deal since that would obviously be the responsible thing to do.

Um, not so much.

After the tuna stops flopping around in the cooler and making it jump and shift in a really gruesome way, things start to happen that make me forget about the poor stabbed fish in the cooler.  Luis is messing with the first line and he says there's something "really big" on it.  I thought the first fish we caught was pretty freaking big so I'm curious what he means by this.

It doesn't take long to find out.  Luis and Martin practically explode with glee when they see a sailfish dance out of the water.  It's pretty exciting and we're all hollering when it jumps up because really, it's pretty impressive.  They start asking immediately if we are going to mount it.

"It's very rare! Very lucky! Not every day!!"

All Chris and I can think is,

"Where the F would we put a 7-foot stuffed fish in our house? There is NO SITUATION where that does not come off as the most gaudy thing in the world. NONE."

Luis and Martin tell us that it costs about $1,500 to stuff it.  YES, ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AMERICAN DOLLARS.  FOR REAL. 

But on the other hand, this is pretty cool.  I mean, it's a really rare thing!  Some guys fish their whole lives and never catch one of these!  Maybe we should?  We could put it....um....somewhere that we have 6 empty feet of wall?  Like in our bedroom?  And it would look...totally and incredibly tacky this is stupid no no no we are not going to take this stupid fish home.  Luis and Martin, that is our final answer.  No.

I just sort of assumed that since we didn't want to take him home, and that since we would not be putting him in the cooler to die alongside the tuna (since he was SEVEN FEET LONG AND ALL), there was no reason to stab him or kill him.  By saying "we don't want to mount him" we would be letting this magnificent animal live another day.

RIGHT?  That's what you'd think too if you said, "We are going to let him go."  THAT HE WOULD BE LET GO.

45 minutes later Chris finally has the sailfish reeled in and he's all sweaty and tired.  To my shock, 5-foot-tall Luis somehow lugs this sailfish on board and he's holding its pointy jaws with a rag. All I can think is,

"Oh please Lord, don't let us get Steve Irwin'd."

What I'm imagining is this fish is going to start flopping about violently when it gets short of air.  I am imagining him stabbing everyone in a crazed frenzy while we're a few miles from shore and then we all bleed out in the ocean in Mexico and Brian Williams will lead Monday night's news about "those poor tourists." 

He stays on board for about 30 seconds and I keep my distance.

We take some pictures and tell the guys we're done, toss him back in the water.  We wanted him to live a long and happy life in the ocean.  And we don't want to get stabbed.

Martin gets on the radio and calls the other boats nearby to see if anyone wants our sailfish.  I am so stupid that I thought he meant that they'd cut the line and then be like, "Ok guys, there's a sailfish RIGHT HERE IN THIS WATER so drop another line and see if you can get him too!  He's RIGHT HERE."

Oh, I'm so stupid.

Another boat comes trolling up and Luis hands him the rod.  There was some dude on that boat who wanted to put our sailfish on his wall.

You *try* and be a good person and look what happens.  Someone just steals your sailfish.

After that things went downhill.  I mean, what else was going to be more exciting?  We caught several more tuna and then we think a barracuda chomped some of our bait in half.  (See that knife?  it just rolled around down there while Luis continued to not wear shoes.)

We saw some dolphins (at first, I thought they were sharks and had a major Jaws flashback) and sea turtles and then headed back.  We took naps at the pool that afternoon and then spent the entire next day in the pool again.  I will not bore you with more of the same pictures of the pool.

When we came home I was really glad it was only a 2-hour flight and not those 8-hour flights home from Maui.  Claire was at home waiting for us and from the sound of it she really didn't miss us at all.  While that is moderately insulting, she was perfectly happy with her grandparents and I can't really ask for much more than that.

We had fun and the trip served its purpose well: three days of sleeping in and laying at the pool without having to pack diapers and toys into my purse.  Thus concludes the Cancun Adventure and our first trip without Claire.  Success all the way around - I highly recommend a few days sans baby in the first year. 

(For everyone who has asked, we stayed at Le Blanc.  It is about ten minutes from the airport and it was amazing.  I highly recommend it.  Pool, food, service - all incredible.)

Cancun Adventure Part Two: For the first time ever, I failed at ordering a cocktail

Thursday afternoon

We drop our bags in the room and skedaddle down to the pool pretty fast.  There is a swim-up bar and a dizzying display of liquor.  With the knowledge that I can order anything I want, I go big and order a...vodka tonic.

What?  I felt PRESSURED and I folded.  The idea of limitless/unlimited/anything you want is a bit paralyzing. 

I felt like I needed an iPhone app to help me think of something inventive and out of the ordinary.  I didn't want just any drink.  I wanted a Vacation Drink.  I felt ill-prepared and briefly chastised myself for not doing some research.

Yes.  COCKTAIL RESEARCH.

You're not supposed to go to an all-inclusive and drink stupid VODKA TONICS.  I don't drink liquor very often, so I was feeling a little lost.  I resolved to order something more snazzy next time.  Five minutes later I was horrified to hear myself order another vodka tonic, but with Peach Absolut this time.  I know.  Not much better.  Kind of more sissy, actually.

(Chris was drinking Dos Equis on draft though, so he wasn't much better.  You can get that at freaking ON THE BORDER for crying out loud.)

We ordered some snacks and lazed about in the pool.  I moved on to something called a Lime Daiquiri, which was basically a margarita with rum.  Chris commented that it "aged well" which is to say that as the ice melted it didn't taste like crap.

At dinner that night it's more of the same dazzling array of choices.  Even though I knew I COULD, I don't want to be that obnoxious person who orders 5 entrees just to flex my "because I can" muscle.  For one, that's pretty wasteful and two, our table was totally not big enough for five dinner plates.

I order Provolone Ravioli (along with a salad - I was feeling like a light dinner).  My plate shows up with three silver-dollar size raviolis.  And that was it.  (Damn. I wasn't feeling THAT LIGHT.)  I resolve to be a little more offensive and ordered at least TWO entrees the next night.  

We go to the lobby bar and I order a double Grand Marnier on the rocks.  It's delicious.  I finally feel like I ordered the right drink.

 

But the night's not over yet!  Our hotel has Entertainment de la Noche!  It's something they're calling a "Fire Show" and Chris is eager to see it.

Turns out that The Fire Show is a bunch of scantily clad young women who light things on fire and twirl them around.  Oh, all right, there were a couple of guys but the girls were totally the centerpiece of the act.  It sounds stupid, but it was weirdly entertaining.

 

Check out my awesome photography skillz wherein I do not use a flash, do not use a tripod and I end up with....pretty crappy pictures.  Oh well.  You didn't come here for Fire Show pictures anyway.

Friday

We spend the morning on the beach where a nice lady called Stefanie brings us more lime daiquiris, a club sandwich and a steady stream of chips and guacamole. 

 

There is a man on the beach (employed by the hotel) with a stack of umbrellas and a post-hole digger.  He will put an umbrella wherever you want.  Later, when the sun moves, he comes by to ask us if we need him to move the umbrella.  I die a little inside and think that I never want to leave this lounge chair on the beach where they bring me club sandwiches and lime daiquiris, no questions asked.

 

The water in Cancun was unbelievable.  Really.  People had told us that it was pretty but nothing prepared me for the fact that it was such an incredible shade of turquoise-y/aqua.  It was gorgeous.  The sand was fine and clean and looked like sugar.  I could see my toenails when I was in chest deep water.  It was cool and refreshing, but not brrr-cold like the Pacific.

Meanwhile, back in Austin, Claire is having a Grand Old Time with my parents.  They send us pictures that we pick up on the wireless network on our iPhones.  She is quite obviously not missing us.  I'm a little bit insulted, but the knowledge that she's completely happy makes it easier for us to kick back and not worry.