Cards: Flimsy Paper or Emotional Declarations?

Are you a Card Person?

That is, a person who sends a lot of cards, for a lot of holidays, to a lot of people? And, in return, enjoys receiving cards from a variety of people to celebrate/mark different days? Perhaps you have maybe felt hurt or emotionally put out over NOT receiving a card from a certain person?

Or, conversely, has a relationship ever improved because someone sent you a card? (In this case I am talking about a card without apologetic/forgiving/meaningful original words, which I would describe more as a letter. [Which could be IN the card, but would be different from simply A Card With Only A Signature, which is what we are talking about today.]) Any of these are the kind of behavior I'd define as belonging to a Card Person.

I'm not a Card Person. I enjoy finding them in the mailbox, but I RARELY send actual birthday cards or any other cards. I do not frequent the Card aisle. I do not have a Card Drawer or Box or Stockpile, contrary to Hallmark's urgings about Cards being absolutely necessary (and thus stockpilable!) for after the apocalypse.

I never have a panicky thought of, "OH NO I HAVE TO SEND A CARD!" To me, no rational person would judge me on such a trivial thing, because it's just A CARD. They fall in the category of compliments for me: I enjoy receiving them, and sincerely appreciate them, but I do not expect them or assign meaning to my relationships via Cards. 

I don't want to sound like I think, "Oh, a stupid Card," whenever I receive one, because I don't think that AT ALL. I LOVE getting fun mail and it makes me smile and feel warm and fuzzy and I put all of our cards on the mantle and look at them for several weeks and then I usually keep them in a box (especially cards the girls get). I think it's sweet and nice that someone took the time to send me one, particularly because I know what a string of errands it can be to get one in the mail. But I have never, ever, thought more or less of someone for the lack of or presence of A Card.

Moxie has a post today that kind of highlights this idea. The woman in question sent her MIL a Mother's Day card, but the MIL did not send HER a Mother's Day card (quelle horreur!) and, well, she is offended about the lack of card. Which must obviously mean Other (Bad?) Things about their relationship.

There are a lot of comments over there about the nature of mother/mother-in-law/daughter/daughter-in-law relationships and who "deserves" the card/mention and who "owns" the holiday and I'm all,

"Maybe the MIL isn't a Card person and this whole made-up situation is something she is entirely oblivious to? IT IS JUST A CARD."

Cards are just SO NOT on my radar of ongoing things I need to pay attention to. I don't send ANYONE a birthday card (or a whatever card) because cards are not a way I primarily express love/affection/friendship. When I feel stamp-and-mailbox inclined (RARELY), I am much more a fan of the random card or postcard, sent for no reason.

Perhaps this comes down to Love Languages? Mine is Words of Affirmation, which maybe explains why I'm ambivalent about cards? I don't know. I'm just not A Card Person! Don't hate me!

I tried to embed a simple survey, because I suspect I'm in the minority on this whole Card thing, but I can't make it work and the children are not pleased with me. So, here's a link instead. I KNOW, A WHOLE EXTRA CLICK.But, I have a feeling if you are A Card Person you will be wanting to let me know about it. In my experience, Card People feel very strongly about Cards.

Click here to take survey

Comments

[K]

Okay, I clicked "Kind Of" in that survey of yours. Because while I will send cards to people, it is largely because I want them to know that I am thinking of them.

I don't, however, EXPECT cards and always feel kind of like a douche when I inevitably throw them away.

[PinkieBling]

THIIIIIIIS!! *waves arms wildly*

I buy them (when I do) because I feel I am expected to, and I am often resentful. I probably *should* buy them in bulk, just to avoid that all-too-familiar last-minute dash to the store to buy a card on the way to Whatever Event Necessitates a Present and Card.

If I have to put your card in the mail? You are probably not getting that card. Sorry.

I do love receiving them unexpectedly, though. The weirdest part is that I used to be SUPER into cards back in my early twenties.

[susie]

YES YES agh. I feel pressured by certain female relatives to BE a card person, and sometimes I wish I were thoughtful like that, so I have a drawer of cards that I collect. BUT. I have some pathological aversion to mailing things? Like that is the big THING that stands between me and adulthood. So, I don't actually send the cards, I just accumulate them. And I feel bad when I throw people's cards away!

I manage the occasional letter, though, and those make my heart happy.

[Mom]

You are exactly like me. I do not expect cards from anyone. It is nice to receive them. I send cards sometimes. I like to make cards.

[Jesabes]

My family is a card family and it drives me crazy. I am not a card person. Thankfully, my in-laws aren’t really, either, so I’m at least sort-of off the hook there. I usually send my SIL a card, as her birthday falls in Card Month (aka, the month of May) at our house, but she doesn’t send me one and I never even realized it until writing this because I don’t notice or care.

At the end of April I usually get online and order at least a dozen cards (I send Tiny Prints cards to avoid going to the store). We have 4 birthdays and 4 anniversaries in May, and I’m expected to give 5 mother’s day cards. Five! (Both my grandmas, my mom, my MIL, and both my sisters. Who are not mothers. But who give me cards saying what a good mother I am, and EACHOTHER cards about what good aunts they are, making me feel I must give them cards saying what good aunts they are. And they ARE good, very involved aunts, but are mother’s day cards necessary??)

So, anyway, I am on top of cards in May, because I have to be, but the other months they really slide. I don’t think I’ve ever sent my BIL a birthday card, even though SIL gets one every year. Oops.

[Tara]

I'm super ambivalent about GETTING cards, but I love to give them. Sometimes for birthdays or anniversaries Jim gets 3-4 cards. I appreciate getting cards, and I keep them for a week or so after I get them, but I don't really care about whether or not someone gives them. I just love to give them. :)

[Shilo]

Yesterday I called my mom and after wishing her happy day/love and stuff I admitted that I had not yet mailed her card.

Her reply: "It's cool, I've got three years of Christmas gifts here for you that I'll get around to mailing someday, I mean, maybe. The fruit doesn't fall to far from the tree you know."

Firm click on NO on the card survey. Especially if we're talking signature-only cards.

[HereWeGoAJen]

I would really rather people mailed me a dollar or two in an envelope rather than send me a card. I always think cards are a waste of money. I mean, I think they are nice and I adore getting ones with letters or notes, but if you are going to just sign your name, I'm totally fine with you just keeping your card money.

My mother in law is a card person. She sends us two (one for me and Matt and one for Elizabeth) on each holiday. And by each holiday, I mean EACH holiday. I don't think we've gotten an Arbor Day card, but it's not out of the realm of possibility. And she just signs her name to them, but she also underlines certain things on the card. So if it says "Happy Valentine's Day! I am so lucky to have a special granddaughter like you!", she will underline happy, lucky, granddaughter like you. And special will have like three underlines under it. That's so you know that she REALLY means those parts of the card. It is a secret family joke now and Matt and his brothers send each other birthday cards with all the words underlined, or just the conjunctions, or random words. And they put in asterisks and circle some words and all sorts of ridicule. Oooh, and I forgot until just now. She also will change words if they don't quite fit. She'll cross out things or add an s to make something plural. The whole thing is hilarious.

[Elizabeth]

Ok, this is bad, but I kind of hate cards. They are so pointless! And then I have to display them and then do something with them and I feel bad for throwing them out and I just feel like they are such a waste of money. I'd much rather have the $3.95. Isn't that bad?! I just want someone to mail me $4 in an envelope!
I've always declared that when I send my kids cards, I will always always always include money. A card by itself is so...boring, but a card with even only $5 in it is so fun! Free money yeah!

[Amy]

I HATE cards. My mother LOVES cards. This is a problem because sending cards is so not even on my radar but she feels that not receiving a card in the mail somehow means I do not love her. Her birthday and Mother's Day are the worst. Despite the fact that I usually SEE her in person on those days, a hand delivered (read, purchased last minute) is not good enough. It must be received the day before or the day of via USPS or she doesnt speak to me for a week! 38 weeks pregnant with 2 little ones at home? Doesnt matter, I'm a bad daughter if I don't mail a card! I just think they are all a bloody waste of money and effort. Let's have dinner together instead!

[Dr. Maureen]

When I lived in Philadelphia, there was this totally awesome card store where I found the PERFECT CARDS for EVERYONE. And I was a card person then. But then I moved away and all the cards at the drugstore stink, and also what a waste of money and paper. So now I'm not a card person. I do send cards when I remember to people on their birthdays, but mostly I don't remember, and, come to think of it, I didn't even call my sister yesterday and it was her birthday. Whoops. I'll shoot her an email.

So this will amuse you: For his cousin's high school graduation two years ago, Jack picked out a present to give her from him, in addition to the suitcase I got her. (It was a journal.) When we wrapped it, I asked him if he wanted to make a card, and he wanted to know why. "So she'll know it's from you," I said. "But I can just say, 'This is from me,' when I give it to her," he said.

Touche.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I am a "kind of." I enjoy receiving cards, and I REALLY enjoy standing in the cards aisle at Target/Hallmark/mainly Target and reading through them and I even have a card STASH that I add to and subtract from... And for a good number of years, I sent birthday cards to EVERYONE on their birthdays just because I enjoyed it. (But that got very overwhelming very quickly. And when I started to feel like My Hard Word Wasn't Appreciated, I knew it was time to take a card breather.) But I am not, like, a card ACTIVIST or anything. (Also, I never just sign my name. I always include at LEAST a few sentences.)

[Slim]

Sometimes I find the perfect card for someone, and sometimes someone finds the perfect card for me, and then I appreciate it. Otherwise, I am in the indifferent-to-unfriendly zone of card recipients.

[Melissa]

I marked "kind of" because I'm not a fanatic about birthday/holiday cards--except for Christmas, because we have a lot of family & friends who live far away, and they like the photo cards to see the kids. For other holidays I really don't want to waste the paper and money exactly because I know OTHER people are not Card People. My kids draw me their own cards for Mother's Day, etc, and that means a lot more to me.

However... I am definitely a Thank You Card person. I keep a small box with thank you cards and I buy them at random times to keep on hand. My parents raised me to send thank yous for everything, whether it's a gift or a kind gesture, and I still do. I also do the same for my kids (although the almost-6-yr old write his own now). Not just signing it, but actually writing a few sentences. It means a lot to me when people are thoughtful. My family recently hand-wrote over a hundred thank-yous for anyone who made a donation to hospice in my mother's name after she passed away. It's just something we do.

On the flip side, my husband and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, and neither of us bought the other a card. On those occasions it's all about saying it in person and making real gestures (he cooked and watched the kids for me so I could nap, which is WAY better than a card when one is 8 months pregnant, lol).

[natalie]

I would think if you were "words of affirmation" that you would love receiving cards.

Micah & I are "service" people which works out for the most part, but sometimes I would like some verbal/written praise. For Mother's day I received a card from him and Jack. AND HE ACTUALLY WROTE WORDS ON THE CARDS. It was a mother's day miracle. The cards meant more to me than the gifts. Because he NEVER gives me cards.

I like receiving mail and I like writing thank you notes too! But nothing like Jennie! She adores correspondence!

[Elsha]

I think I am not a card person in the way you're saying it. I do keep a stockpile of blank cards and thank you cards, but I use those to write my own messages (and usually send pictures.)

My sister's mother in law is SUCH a card person that she even sends cards to me. Totally don't get that. (Not that I mind getting the cards. I like that.)

[Pippi]

I really don't like cards. If people want to send them to me I appreciated it but reciprocating is beyond my power. I will call special people on special days. Isn't that nicer? Then you get a whole conversation. Thankfully my family is all on the same page and the only cards that get sent are the ones my mom sends to my kids. My mother-in-law, on the other hand. sends beautiful cards (only to the children, thank goodness!) which she writes a little note in -- in gorgeous calligraphy. This is super sweet. But she wants us to keep every card she sends to them. We will soon have 3 children. We live in a 1000 sq. ft. apartment with no storage. By the time my kids leave home I think we'll need to rent a storage locker to keep all the cards. I love her dearly and I don't want to hurt her feelings so we'll keep the cards but wow -- we are SUCH different people!

[Erica]

I am very strongly not a card person because I feel guilty throwing them away, which I immediately do, pretty much always.

[Mel]

I am a card person but I am also very much a stationary and letter writing person as well. I think this stems from the fact that when I was young, my grandmother and I would correspond via letter every month or so and it is such a meaningful and precious memory of mine that I just keep doing hand written notes in to my older age. I also feel like cards at random times are WAY GREATER than cards at hallmark appointed holidays. Just to let someone know they are being thought of at a moment in time, it means something special.

I will say, however, that I do throw cards away immediately and the amount of money it costs to procure an event specific card is lame. I love to peruse the Target paper goods aisle and scoop up blank note cards with pretty fronts that are on clearance a few times a year.

And? My MIL is very proficient at mailing cards and will call and badger and text and ask until you inform her that YES, I DID GET YOUR FREAKING CARD. THANK YOU FOR THE $3.00 WORTH OF SENTIMENT NOW LEAVE ME ALONE. She never puts anything inside so I do not understand why she cares so much about making sure SHE KNOWS when/if we got them. I wouldn't dream of bugging someone to make sure they let me know they got my MEASLY CARD.

Clearly, as this comment is a mile long, I have a strong opinion about cards. The end.