Age Three, revisited. (With a book!)

This is going to sound really dumb, but a few years ago I decided I don't really like books any more.

I like to read them, but I do not like to own them. I really don't like to buy them. I have a hard time finding places to store books and while I do read some books over and over again there are just too many mediocre books out there that I WON'T read multiple times to justify a continued habit of purchase. The rate of repeat readings is rather low. I have feeeeeeelings about e-books and the pricing structure (too much!) so I don't do that either. And, yes, I know about the library and when we moved to this lovely town with higher taxes I was very excited about the library but then Claire ripped up a lot of books and now I'm embarrassed to go there so...no library for a while for us. Perhaps by Christmas I'll be over that.

This is a really long way of saying that I bought a book and it's kind of a huge flipping deal for me. I realllllly wanted this book.

The Two Year Old book was immensely helpful about this time last year and I had kind of forgotten about it until a bunch of you re-recommended the series to me again. So, I went over to Amazon and ponied up the $12 to have it delivered to the house. I even paid $3.99 to get it the next day.

You guys, I really wanted that book. Things were getting ugly.

This book was like holding up a mirror to Claire. Moxie recommends the entire series and I'm probably going back for the four-year-old version in six or eight months. It is amazing how kids seem so unique and so marvelous and so individual and then you read something that basically tells you that all children are the same and you don't want to believe it but here are some words written in the seventies that are still true today so...damn. Children really are pod people/zombies/clones!

It is somehow easier for me to deal with crappy kid behavior when I know that it's not something I'm doing wrong as a parent and it's something screwy in their brains about how growing up is tough and they're figuring things out and even if I did do everything perfectly or not at all, the kid would still throw a fit at Target about where to sit in the grocery cart and then change her mind, loudly, every four minutes until I finally said, "Where you sit is where you sit I am not moving you again." Because you know what? That is annoying as all hell but there is a lot of peace that comes with knowing it is (mostly) NOT MY FAULT. (I wish I could wear a t shirt that says so. I can tell there are some people at Target who watched that scene and thought, "Whoa, it is all that mom's fault." But, it's not! NOT MY FAULT! THE KID IS THREE!)

Anyway, I found the book very helpful, just as I did the one for two-year-olds and I am not a Parenting Book Person, AT ALL. (See above re: hesitance to buy any books, at all.) You are all correct that the basic strategy here is to simply disengage with the Three-Year-Old and not argue or fight in the first place because I will never win because she will never walk away from it. The fight is, to her, the entire attraction. And ohhhhhhhhhh, that is a hard thing as a parent, right? When you have to do or say things that make you EYE ROLL EYE ROLL EYE ROLL but you know it's the best path? I hate that crap. 

My favorite part of the book is where it says that the best option for this age is to hire a baby sitter and walk away.

"This advice may seem like the all time cop-out. It remains our best advice."

HAAAAAA. The parenting book's best advice is to...not parent and just GIVE UP and let someone else handle it? OH, THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOUGH AGE.

Comments

[HereWeGoAJen]

Yeah, I just bought this one too. I haven't read it yet though (I went on a parenting book buying frenzy and bought three at the same time).

I think you should design that shirt. I'd buy one.

[Elizabeth]

I loved the 4 year old book too. It just made me feel so much BETTER. All this horrible behavior is normal and right on track and all the stuff I am intuitively doing is the correct stuff.
I had to laugh though - they say something like "Four year olds hate it when mother is on the phone. We recommend that mother not talk on the phone." Ok, then! Funny.

[Roberta]

So funny, because I ALSO JUST BOUGHT THIS BOOK. Out of total desperation. I too loved all of the statements re: please, get babysitters! Send them to nursery school! FARM THESE CRAZY LITTLE PEOPLE OUT NOW BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY WAY. The book has been remarkably consoling, as have the accounts from you & many other parents of kids this age. I have talked or e-mailed or Twittered with at least 5 other mothers who described incidents with their kids that were word-for-word identical to things that happened in our house. And I was so relieved to not be alone. Things have leveled off since I realized I needed to disengage and not argue - thanks goodness. Let's hear it for the identical evil Age Three Clone Pod Children. I think it calls for a group drink - raise your wine glass of survival! Cheers.

[Katie]

I went and looked at the series and can I say, just based on the title, I CAN'T WAIT FOR FIVE. Sunny and serene? I'll take that.

But three? THREE? SUCKS.

I am with you on feeling better knowing it's not my fault. So, I shall go and buy the book and hope it helps. Somehow.

[Jen]

I just added these to my Amazon Wishlist. Because I have to do Age Three again in two years and dude. I just don't know if I can handle it. It was rough. I realize now that 99% of what happened was not our fault (age three is just sucky plus we had another baby in the middle of it all- double the suckage!) but I'm sure in another 2 years I'll forget that and need these books. :) So thank you! heh