Life without Jake is weird. I keep thinking he's been the victim of a series of hapless, unfortunate mistakes that need to be remedied immediately.
The dog's food and water bowls are not in the utlity room. Who took those out of here?! Jake is probably really hungry and thirsty!
His door is closed, which I discover after we've been home for hours. Who closed Jake's door? OMG, he can't go outside!
I haven't seen Jake in a while. Where's the dog? Is he hiding out somewhere? Did he go upstairs and can't come down?
Of course, all of these end with me thinking, "Ohhhhhh. Riiiiight." Every day stings a little. Tomorrow will be better than today. But, yeah. We miss him.
***
As painful as that was, what happened next was worse. It was far, far worse.
On Monday we said goodbye to Jake. On Tuesday, a friend's 15-year-old son was struck by a pickup truck while he was crossing the street. His injuries left him brain dead, but on life support. On Wednesday, his family made an incredibly difficult, awful, heart-wrenching decision. His organs were donated. Five lives were saved.
But, Jackson was gone.
It was terrible. Beyond awful. I have known this family for most of Jackson's life and I have watched him grow up through the stories I've heard from his mother. Jackson did this and Jackson said that. The girls at school liked his Beiber haircut and I do too. Beiber suits him. Here's a story from last September that I found in my inbox:
Jackson is now a freshman in high school. His mother overheard this pick up line he tried to use at Dairy Queen."Did you pass gas? Because you just blew me away."The line was not successful.
Funny, right? He was loved and bright and he had such a wonderful, happy future in front of him. It is so unfair. Beyond comprehensible. It's wrong and there's not a way to right it and I just want to scream at God and really chew him out for this. But, that's not really how He works. He doesn't take appeals on topics like this.
My mother told me that after a funeral or memorial service she usually feels better. She may not feel good, exactly, but she usually feels somewhat better or a sense of closure or peace. She did not feel that way this time. It's too tragic, too awful. He was so young.
It just sucks.
***
After all of that, I'm kind of in a hug-my-kids-a-little-tighter mood these days. I am forgiving of a lot more bad behavior. I'm a little more indulgent. It was a week that made me give thanks for the good things we have and the blessings that surround us.
So, yeah. That's it for now. Next week will be better.
It really does just suck. A lot. Like a whole lot.
I'll be thinking about Jackson and his family.
Posted by: HereWeGoAJen | June 26, 2011 at 08:42 PM
Oh man, I'm so sorry. What that family must be going through. I cannot comprehend. I too will be thinking about Jackson and his family. :(
Posted by: Vanessa Napolitano | June 26, 2011 at 09:20 PM
I'm praying for you + Jackson's family right now!
Posted by: steph | June 27, 2011 at 07:23 AM
Oh, A'dell. This is so horrible. My brother was killed in a drunk driving accident when he was 20. There is just something so....wrong when someone so young dies. I think what makes it so hard is that some things are supposed to happen, y'know? Grandparents will pass away, and most of us will deal with our parents' deaths-it's a part of life. But for a parent to bury their child, it's just...different. There is no way to make it better and nothing to help. The only "good" (and I use that term very, very loosely) to come out of something like this is that it does make people hug their kids tighter and love more.
So sorry. Sending love and light and hopefully, eventually, a little peace.
Posted by: Kristina | June 27, 2011 at 09:47 AM
I am so so sorry. The grief of his poor family is incomprehensible.
Posted by: Shelly | June 27, 2011 at 09:54 AM
That is horrible.
I'm so sorry.
Thinking of you.
Posted by: BigP's Heather | June 27, 2011 at 10:41 AM
I'm so sorry, A'Dell. That is just horrible. I have no words.
Posted by: Dr. Maureen | June 27, 2011 at 11:52 AM
Oh A'Dell. I am so very sorry. What a tragic, senseless loss. Thinking of you and his family.
Posted by: Life of a Doctor's Wife | June 27, 2011 at 01:58 PM
I'm so sorry. That is awful.
Posted by: Elsha | June 27, 2011 at 10:53 PM
Beyond terrible. Really, just awful. So sorry.
Posted by: Chris | June 28, 2011 at 02:21 PM
Oh, I'm so sorry. How awful. Words fail me.
Posted by: ccr in MA | June 28, 2011 at 06:36 PM
There are no words for something like this. I'm thinking of you all and Jackson's family. I can not even imagine their pain
Posted by: meghan | June 28, 2011 at 08:52 PM
When I heard about this I immediately walked into Sprog's room and forced him to hug me.
I can't even imagine the heartbreak.
*HUG*
So very sorry, for you, for them, for him.
Posted by: Raven | June 29, 2011 at 12:33 AM
So awful. I went through this in high school, a good friend and another student were killed in a car accident, she was 15. It was gut wrenching. Then again in college, my 20 year old friend was killed (my sister is now married to her brother, our families have been close for years) It's so senseless and so so hard to get straight in your head, you know? Prayers for everyone who knew him. xoxo
Posted by: Jen | June 29, 2011 at 01:13 PM