Sometimes, being an adult kind of sucks

I was going to write about an annoying thing that happened at daycare last week but then this happened today:

Yep, that's a Cone of Shame.

Jake is a golden retriever/chow mix. His fur is really fluffy when we don't keep him clipped. Many, many inches of voluminous, thick fur. I usually let it get pretty long and crazy before I finally take him to the groomer because DAMN, do you know how much that costs? More than I pay for a haircut, that's for sure.

He got his hair cut on Saturday and when he came home Chris announced that the dog had a tumor and all I could think about is that scene in Kindergarten Cop where Arnold Schwartzenegger is all, "It's not a tumah!" They hadn't even walked all the way into the house and I was rolling my eyes at whatever new knobby-tiny thing Jake has that Chris had declared a TUMOR, of all the crazy things. Dude, IT'S NOT A TUMAH.

And then I saw the freshly clipped dog and HOLY SHIT there was a tumor-y mass type thing, right there on his hind leg and my God it is the size of a plum. Maybe a peach. At least the size of my fist. It is significant. I thought, "The dog has a tumor."

We felt very badly at first.  We seemed to be terrible dog parents: our dog has a tumor-y mass type thing (TMTT) that is huge on his leg and we...didn't ever notice it? GAH! That's awful. And yet, I am not in the habit of petting Jake on his back leg, towards the upper inside of it and his fur DID cover it up. He's been eating and drinking normally, running and jumping and playing. He lays on that leg and runs up and down the stairs. He hasn't been MESSING with it. Plus, he was just at the vet last December AND he had a haircut then too and that TMTT? Was not there, at all, four months ago. In fact, his bloodwork was pronounced perfect and everyone at the vet's office thought he was half his age. (Jake is 14!)

Maybe he got bit? By a...snake or something? Perhaps? We don't know much, but we do know that a trip to the vet is in order. We secure the first available appointment which ended up being Wednesday. If it wasn't bothering him before, we can wait until then to get it checked out.

Sometime while we were at work today, Jake licked all of the remaining fur off the TMTT and it started to bleed.  Chris came home to two bloodstains in the middle of the living room carpet (always the MIDDLE of the carpet) and a dog that looked miserable. He was able to get squeezed in at the vet this afternoon, between apppintments.  Claire and I get home and I have to talk to Claire about Jake's boo-boo and how he will go to the doctor today to get it fixed and it might hurt but it's okay.  She pets him on the head and says, a million times, "It's okay Jake. You go to doctor and she fix your boo-boo. Boo-boo be okay."

Even after that pep talk, Claire bursts into tears when they leave. She whimpers, "I want Jake be okay!" I try not to get worked up about what news he might come home with. I just hope he comes home with the dog.

While Claire and I play outside with the water table, Chris learns that yep, that's a weird TMTT and it should be surgically removed and, hard to say for sure, but in the vet's experience and based on its location, size and speed of growth, TMTT is probably actually a legit tumor and probably cancer of some sort.  He might be able to tell more once he removes it and we can send it to a pathology lab to find out for sure what it is.  But, he warns us that it may not be worthwhile depending on what we would DO with the information the pathology lab gives us.

If it's cancer are we going to pursue chemo and radiation? Probably not. If it's not cancer and it's benign? We just spent $150 - $200 to find out nothing and do nothing. Huh. Probably don't bother sending a sample to the path lab then, doc.

It will cost $700 - $900 by the time this week is over to take care of Jake and the (probably) cancerous mass on his leg that is bleeding. After that, it's anyone's guess as to how much longer he'll be a part of the family. He doesn't appear to be in pain, which is the most important thing to me, and I'm hoping that simply removing the mass will make him more comfortable from a licking/bleeding standpoint. At the very least, we can't allow the tumor to stay put and get bigger and, in the meantime, let him keep licking it and bleeding all over the carpet.

I'm not sure that Jake is dying or really, what the exact deal with Jake is right now. It seems pretty clear that he may not be around as long as I was thinking he would be. The signs are all there: he's an elderly animal that can't see as well, can't hear as well, can't walk as far and is a lot less energetic than he was seven years ago when I first met him. He's our buddy, but he's our elderly buddy.

I don't WANT to say goodbye to him (obviously!) but for the past few years Chris and I have been asking ourselves just how much longer he's got. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. On the one hand, he's an older dog and this is expected. On the other hand, HE'S MY DOG.

I suppose if you keep asking the universe a question, the answer will eventually present itself. Too bad it's kind of a shitty answer today.

Comments

[Jennie]

Oh shit, A'Dell, I'm sorry. I'm crossing my fingers it really IS nothing and once it's off, he's a-okay for a while.

But your blog title says it all. Sucks. SUCKS.

[Manda]

I have the same internal monologue about Henry, who is 12 (but tumor-free). He's getting older, but he's MY old dog. :(

[Morgan S.]

Oh, this does suck. And it is understandable that you didn't notice it under all that fur. We had two dogs of the same breed (chesapeake bay retrievers - shortish fur) - one 12 years old and one 2.5 years old that we had adopted a few months prior. the younger one came down with blood red eyeballs out of nowhere. We took him to the pet emergency and they jumped all over us "Don't you see how BULGING AND SWOLLEN ALL OF HIS LYMPH NODES ARE!!!" and, damn it all, they were right! We just thought he was built that way - different from our older dog! So, sometimes we miss very obvious signs. He had very advanced lymphoma and we decided to not pursue chemo and BONE MARROW TRANSFUSIONS (OMG). He had the best possible two final months with his new family. Being a grown-up / pet owner is really crappy sometimes.

[Meghan]

Oh i'm so sorry. I hope with the tumor gone he's pain free and ok. Being a pet owner is so hard. Hugs to you all

[Emily]

There is nothing worse than having to make a decision about a dog that seems perfectly healthy... except for one cancerous mass. In our case, a dog that was perfectly healthy... except for a ruptured disc in his back. It's so hard. I'm sorry, A'Dell. I'll be thinking of you guys. I know how this feels, and it feels awful.

[Jessica]

I'm so sorry. This is a crappy time to be dealing with it, too. I hope Jake is ok.

[Elsha]

That really sucks.

[BigP's Heather]

One of my dogs is covered in tumors. They are just fatty tumors and she is overweight and old so we don't have them removed. One on her side is now the size of a cantaloupe but it doesn't bother her. She still walks fine and even lays on that side still. The vet isn't worried and we don't have cash money laying around for erroneous surgeries that may be more dangerous to put her under for...sorry for the long comment. LOL

I was just hoping you were going to say it was a fatty tumor. Hope he has many happy years in front of him.

[Jenni Weeks]

Sorry :(

[Vanessa]

I'm sorry. I really hope it's not cancer. Sometimes being an adult does suck.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

He is such a gorgeous fellow. I am so, so sorry that you are all going through this. Your title is spot on - being a grown up can really suck rocks at times.

Please keep us posted!

[TJ]

Jake is a VERY handsome dog, which I know doesn't really mean much right now. But he is. I hope he comes through it okay.

[Mama Bub]

It does suck. It's times like these I really wish there were someone else to defer these sorts of decisions/emotions to.

[Holly]

Poor Jake! Poor you guys! But you're right on - quality of life is the most important thing for him. I worked alongside a former vet-tech for 4 years, and she had all kinds of animals of her own as well, in many different states of health. Beware of money hungry vets too - sometimes they'll just keep recommending treatments and procedures, because they think that's what the owners want AND it pads their pockets - even when it's not in the best interest of the pet.

[Shelby]

Oh man. I'm so sorry, A'Dell.

[craftyashley]

I hope he's ok! We have had numerous large surgeries with our dog, and boy does it get expensive fast! But then I could never NOT do anything...