are things complicated yet?

I taped diapers to my dining room table and then wrote about it. I need a hobby.

You've noticed all the cutting back at the grocery store right?  No, I don't mean YOU cutting back.  I mean the suits who make the things we buy.  There's a conference room somewhere in America where they are rubbing their hands together with glee and saying something like,

"Oh, Suzie Housewife will NEVER NOTICE if we make the box 3 ounces smaller and keep the price the same!  If we do this we'll make enough to hand out bonuses this year!  I know you were thinking about putting in a pool Clark."

Yes, it's the oldest retailing trick in the book: things keep getting ever so teeny-tinier so you don't really notice when you're at the store, but they stay the same price.  It's a price increase on the sly and it's so annoying!  

A few weeks ago I was changing Claire and I opened a new box of diapers.  I noticed that they felt a little...different.  But since I had a squalling child writhing around, in imminent danger of Toes In Poop, I didn't really pay much more attention.  I changed her and sent her off running towards her next adventure.

The next time I changed her I noticed the diapers were weird again.  I checked the remainder and they were ALL thinner, papery-er and not a soft as I'd remembered.  Because I am stupid I thought I had a bad box.  Like, "Oh no!  There's been a mistake at the factory!"

I continued to think that as I used up the box.  Bad box, factory error, whatever.  But the next box was all screwed up too.  And the next one!  I was flummoxed.  My mind set to wandering.

How did I get so many bad boxes of Pampers Cruisers Size 4?  I mean, I've been buying Pampers since day one and I've never had a bad box before.  Maybe my Wal-Mart got ALL of the bad boxes from that day?  That would be so weird.  I should Google that and see if they'd had a factory mistake in the south or...WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE.  I'VE BEEN HORNSWAGGLED.

I walked directly to a diaper bag I hardly ever use and plucked a diaper out of it.  A diaper that had been purchased weeks ago.  And dudes, it was completely different.

EXHIBIT A

New diaper on the left, old on the right.  They look the same right?  That is, to the uneducated eye.

EXHIBIT B

Let's open these dipes up.  The new one looks similar to the old one, on the right.  But they're not the same!  NO! NOOOOOOOOO!

Look at Old Diaper - see how the absorbent strip ceases about 2/3 of the way up?  Where all those convenient, angry red circles are?  Yes, that's where the absorbent part ceases and the thin, ridiculous layer of mere PAPER begins.  I know these are, at their core, paper products, but I didn't really mean to purchase JUST paper.  Paper will not do the job!

Proctor and Gamble: I AM NOT PAYING FOR PLAIN OLD PAPER, OKAY?

EXHIBIT C, THE OLD, AWESOME DIAPER, IN MACRO LENS DETAIL

Look at how pillowy it is.  It's so soft and fluffy.  And...quilted!  I don't know what that does but the toilet paper people seem to talk about it a lot so it must desirable.

EXHIBIT D THE NEW, CRAPPY DIAPER (HA, I MADE A FUNNY!) IN MACRO LENS DETAIL 

Look at this!  You can SEE THROUGH THE DAMN THING in the back.  Hi Grover!  It looks like printer paper in there.  There is a total lack of soft fluffiness, plus the part about the whole section of diaper functioning material that is AWOL.

This is a KEY DIAPER FUNCTIONING AREA, if you know what I'm saying.  It is ALARMING to look at this photo and think of the near-disasters.

EXHIBIT E (WHERE I START USING MATH AND GET SOME SERIOUS EVIDENCE TOGETHER)

So, at this point I did what any normal, sane, pissed-off Mom would do.  I opened the diapers, got out some packing tape and taped them to my dining room table so I could measure them side-by-side.  And, LO.  There is a stunning SIX INCHES of absorbent material missing from the new version.  (I rounded up.)

I was very scientific when measuring, as you can see below.

Obviously, Proctor and Gamble have switched up how they make Pampers Cruisers, and it looks pretty clear that it's a cheaper way to make them at the consumer's expense.  I'm still paying about $20 for a box of the stupid things so I am definitely feeling tricked, cheated, duped, etc. 

While we have not had any incidents with the new dipes I'm definitely annoyed.  It's just so devious of them.  Now would certainly be a good time to switch to cloth, and yet...Oh Lord that sounds like a lot of work and toting around of dirty diapers every day.

Has anyone else noticed products getting smaller/lower quality on the sneak?  I'd be interested to see what I haven't noticed.

Updated 10/20

I've decided that we're going to switch to Costco Diapers.  I also messaged Pampers on Twitter with a link to this post and (OF COURSE) they have said nothing.  They don't care.  I mean, I already bought a freaking YEARS worth of dipes from them already.  So, so, so annoying.

Babies: they like to change things up on you.

Sometime over the past two weeks things just started to work.

The dishes were done more often than not.  Laundry was still piled up, but this time it was clean and on the sofa and not dirty and on the floor.  (Doesn't sound like much, but trust me, it's a HUGE improvement in my quality of life.) Claire's bottles wash just fine in the dishwasher (biggest "NO DUH" parenting moment EVER).  Somehow, there are groceries and food to eat most of the time.  The house hasn't been too disaster-y.  Claire has been sleeping better. 

We're getting into a routine and what they say is true:  you gotta have a routine.  Without The Routine, you are nothing when it comes to babies.  I think The Routine is just as much for me though.  Now that I know what I can expect from my day I am able to handle it and any errant curve balls about a thousand times better.  I can adjust and cut corners if I need to becuase I know exactly what's going on and when.

Also helping my attitude lately?  I have nearly lost "the baby weight."  The clothes I was wearing before I got pregnant mostly fit.  I have done almost zero exercising and last week I ate an entire pan of brownies in two days.  I credit this incredibly delicious feat entirely to breastfeeding and the 500ish calories I burn every day providing milk for her.

Yep - 5 months and I'm still exclusively feeding Claire.  I could wax on and on about what an incredible gift it is and how much I love this part of being a mother but...another post for another day.  Suffice to say that it is working for us, I know that we're lucky it has been easy, I am thankful and I wouldn't trade this experience or time of my life for anything.

I plan to feed her exclusively until she's 6 months old and then we'll mix solids into her diet.  I'll continue nursing her but not 100% after that.  So, less free calorie burn. 

I figure I have another month to take complete advantage.  I even have a Plan to maximize my potential.  I figure this is not the sort of weight loss opportunity that comes around often - free 500 calorie burn a day?  NICE.  Let's not squander it.

So, what with my limited free time since I'm working and my intense desire to spend every free minute I can with Claire, I decided to take up running again.  I used to run frequently and I loved it.  I don't really know why I ever quit but over the past few years I sort of fell out of the habit.

I started researching jogging stollers and quickly got bored becuase holy hell there are a million of them and they all look the same, so I just bought the same stroller my best friend has because she loves it and she runs like ten miles a day with her baby and she is my IDOL in this regard.

It arrived yesterday!  And it is pink and brown and so damn cute I want to ride in it.  I dug out my running clothes and shoes and even a sassy visor I used to wear.  I was ready to embrace my old persona.   I was ready to put some muscle back on this frame and feel better and look better.  Get out in the sun, breathe the fresh air, GET SKINNY.   And spend time with the baby. 

See?  Perfect Plan, right?

Today I excitedly got all dressed and proceeded to put Claire in the stroller for our awesome run.  She proceeded to scream bloody hell as if I was torturing her.  I figured maybe she was just being fussy about transitioning from playing to stroller so I kept strapping her in, figuring she'd calm down once I got all the straps situated.

Nope.  She just got more and more worked up until she was ten kinds of crazy.  I took her out and it was clear that it was nap time.

She's napping.  She's been napping for TWO HOURS and this child only naps for 40 minutes at a time.

I think she hates the Plan.  But you better believe that when she wakes up we're trying to go out for a run again.  I mean, it's a $400 stroller for crying out loud!  IT'S MY TICKET TO SKINNY.