Life without Jake is weird. I keep thinking he's been the victim of a series of hapless, unfortunate mistakes that need to be remedied immediately.
The dog's food and water bowls are not in the utlity room. Who took those out of here?! Jake is probably really hungry and thirsty!
His door is closed, which I discover after we've been home for hours. Who closed Jake's door? OMG, he can't go outside!
I haven't seen Jake in a while. Where's the dog? Is he hiding out somewhere? Did he go upstairs and can't come down?
Of course, all of these end with me thinking, "Ohhhhhh. Riiiiight." Every day stings a little. Tomorrow will be better than today. But, yeah. We miss him.
As painful as that was, what happened next was worse. It was far, far worse.
On Monday we said goodbye to Jake. On Tuesday, a friend's 15-year-old son was struck by a pickup truck while he was crossing the street. His injuries left him brain dead, but on life support. On Wednesday, his family made an incredibly difficult, awful, heart-wrenching decision. His organs were donated. Five lives were saved.
But, Jackson was gone.
It was terrible. Beyond awful. I have known this family for most of Jackson's life and I have watched him grow up through the stories I've heard from his mother. Jackson did this and Jackson said that. The girls at school liked his Beiber haircut and I do too. Beiber suits him. Here's a story from last September that I found in my inbox:
Jackson is now a freshman in high school. His mother overheard this pick up line he tried to use at Dairy Queen."Did you pass gas? Because you just blew me away."The line was not successful.
Funny, right? He was loved and bright and he had such a wonderful, happy future in front of him. It is so unfair. Beyond comprehensible. It's wrong and there's not a way to right it and I just want to scream at God and really chew him out for this. But, that's not really how He works. He doesn't take appeals on topics like this.
My mother told me that after a funeral or memorial service she usually feels better. She may not feel good, exactly, but she usually feels somewhat better or a sense of closure or peace. She did not feel that way this time. It's too tragic, too awful. He was so young.
It just sucks.
After all of that, I'm kind of in a hug-my-kids-a-little-tighter mood these days. I am forgiving of a lot more bad behavior. I'm a little more indulgent. It was a week that made me give thanks for the good things we have and the blessings that surround us.
So, yeah. That's it for now. Next week will be better.