are things complicated yet?

Room Makeover: My Bedroom (And Kind Of The Bathroom, Too)

For years, I never made the bed. Like, EVER. (Do you make your bed every day?)

In my mind it totally DID NOT matter, because nobody was going to see it. I mean, why not use those precious moments in a hurried morning to load the dishwasher or do a chore that MATTERS? (You know, if I'm going to do a chore in the morning before work which HA HA NO, that never happened.) I figure I spent less than one hour, conscious, in my room per day. I woke up and went to work and didn't really go back in that room until it was time to sleep. It was not a hanging-out room. I wasn't even going to see the dumb bed until it was time to un-make it, so what's the point of actually MAKING it in the first place?

(Research like this validated my thoughts on the topic.)

(Warning: That link has a Very Scary, Intensely Magnified Bug Photo.)

Anyhoodle, my thoughts on the topic started to change when we moved to a house with the master bedroom downstairs and kid bedrooms upstairs, which forced us to naturally spend more time downstairs, nearby and in our room.

Then we had another baby and put the changing pad/station on our dresser, because who wants to go upstairs (after labor and delivery!) every time a diaper needs to be changed? No. I don't think so. We were in and out of the room a lot, as one might expect with a newborn. I started to (begrudgingly) make the bed every day, which actually means, "Throw the duvet up in the air and smooth it out as fast as I can." The lumpy sheets were making me insane and since I was dealing with a refluxy baby in that same room, it needed whatever (free, fast) feng shui I could manage. Making the bed was kind of a big deal to me for several months. It transformed the room! Good enough for now.

THEN I quit my job and I was staying at home for waaaaaay more hours than I used to. Some days I was staying at home for ALL THE HOURS. I was spending a crap ton of time in my bedroom changing diapers and nursing a baby (the glider was in there) and trying to get a baby down for a nap (she slept in a pack and play for MONTHS in our room). Sometimes, I even slept in my room! (Not a lot.) My desk was also in there, so if I wanted Quiet Internet Time, guess where I was spending it?

IN MY ROOM, YOU GUYS. I NEVER, EVER LEFT MY FRAKKING ROOM. IT WAS HORRIBLE. I spent a lot of time thinking,

"This room is actually very, very ugly. Ugh, I want to leave this room right now."

I was still making the bed (still new to me! still a big deal!), but LORDY I had not spent a dime decorating in here since about 2005, which was the middle of last decade, in another HOUSE.

Man, this is a really long lead up to a picture of my new duvet, which I am somehow calling a Whole Room Makeover. (I AM SORRY. I just feel like I have to EXPLAIN how I got to the picture I can't believe I'm about to post.)

OKAY, THE BEFORE PHOTO

This is such a sad, boring decor photo, but this is how my room looked for two years in this house and for six years at the old house. I mean, I know it's no van down by the river, but it's also not anything fun or interesting or PRETTY. 

UGLY ROOM ANALYSIS AND FURTHER EXPLANATIONS (I AM SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO EXPLAIN SOME MORE)

I hate this furniture. The wrought iron look is just...not for me. At all. But Chris came into our marriage with this furniture (woo! free!) and this room has never been a spending priority. So, we sort of try to ignore the ugly. This worked for a long time because we didn't spend much time in here, but lately that kind of brainwashing isn't working as well.

The duvet is a Marimekko print from Crate and Barrel (2005, I think, but they still sell it in different colors). I liked it for a long time, but in this room it felt so faded and washed out and also it was ooooold and I was tiiiiired of it. The whole setup is very sad and pathetic with only our two pillows (one is actually on the floor!). I never hung anything above the bed because I figured we'd get new furniture at some point and we all know where that budget conversation went so this Giant Expanse Of Blank Wall just kept existing, all Ugly and Boring and In My Face and killing my soul.

And then one day I decided to throw some money at the problem. Literally, I opened a Pottery Barn catalogue, saw what I wanted and bought it THAT INSTANT. This is the best impulse purchase of my life, people.

PRETTY AFTER EXPLANATION AND ANALYSIS

I bought a new duvet and a crap ton of pillows in a dreamy palm print and some of those fluffy pickstich shams. Part of my strategy with the pile of pillows was to try and cover up that ugly ass wrought iron scrolly-headboard. And, it kind of worked! I hardly ever think about it these days! I am thinking about maybe some kind of bench or chest for the foot of the bed, to perform similar visual-blocking miracles. There is a cedar chest in Claire's room that I am thinking of requisitioning for this purpose.

This beachy pillow cost too much but I LOVE IT.

I had some canvas wraps printed (at Costco!) for over the bed. They're 16 x 20's and I thought they might be too small for such a big space, but I actually really like them there. At this point, Claire BEGGED ME to "be in a picture with her picture." What a stinking HAM she is.

THEN I got really nutty at Target one day and decided I LOVED the brighter green color in the duvet and what the BATHROOM really needed was a makeover too. (I am really good at spending money.) I got some new hand towels.

And then I got a new bathmat. What I really wanted to do was rip the room to the studs and start over again, but that actually costs more than a bathmat and hand towels (Crazy! I know!), so I quit while I was still under $40 for the room and actually, it makes me notice the 1997 brass-colored everything a lot less when I have nice hand towels to look at, so that's a win in my book.

This is kind of a boring picture, but I also finally hung some prints that I got for Christmas (about Maui, of course). (I LOVE THESE PRINTS and his whole Hawaii-themed shop of original artwork. LOOOOOVE!)

So, that's what I've been spending money and time on this past month. Wheeee! 

Cards: Flimsy Paper or Emotional Declarations?

Are you a Card Person?

That is, a person who sends a lot of cards, for a lot of holidays, to a lot of people? And, in return, enjoys receiving cards from a variety of people to celebrate/mark different days? Perhaps you have maybe felt hurt or emotionally put out over NOT receiving a card from a certain person?

Or, conversely, has a relationship ever improved because someone sent you a card? (In this case I am talking about a card without apologetic/forgiving/meaningful original words, which I would describe more as a letter. [Which could be IN the card, but would be different from simply A Card With Only A Signature, which is what we are talking about today.]) Any of these are the kind of behavior I'd define as belonging to a Card Person.

I'm not a Card Person. I enjoy finding them in the mailbox, but I RARELY send actual birthday cards or any other cards. I do not frequent the Card aisle. I do not have a Card Drawer or Box or Stockpile, contrary to Hallmark's urgings about Cards being absolutely necessary (and thus stockpilable!) for after the apocalypse.

I never have a panicky thought of, "OH NO I HAVE TO SEND A CARD!" To me, no rational person would judge me on such a trivial thing, because it's just A CARD. They fall in the category of compliments for me: I enjoy receiving them, and sincerely appreciate them, but I do not expect them or assign meaning to my relationships via Cards. 

I don't want to sound like I think, "Oh, a stupid Card," whenever I receive one, because I don't think that AT ALL. I LOVE getting fun mail and it makes me smile and feel warm and fuzzy and I put all of our cards on the mantle and look at them for several weeks and then I usually keep them in a box (especially cards the girls get). I think it's sweet and nice that someone took the time to send me one, particularly because I know what a string of errands it can be to get one in the mail. But I have never, ever, thought more or less of someone for the lack of or presence of A Card.

Moxie has a post today that kind of highlights this idea. The woman in question sent her MIL a Mother's Day card, but the MIL did not send HER a Mother's Day card (quelle horreur!) and, well, she is offended about the lack of card. Which must obviously mean Other (Bad?) Things about their relationship.

There are a lot of comments over there about the nature of mother/mother-in-law/daughter/daughter-in-law relationships and who "deserves" the card/mention and who "owns" the holiday and I'm all,

"Maybe the MIL isn't a Card person and this whole made-up situation is something she is entirely oblivious to? IT IS JUST A CARD."

Cards are just SO NOT on my radar of ongoing things I need to pay attention to. I don't send ANYONE a birthday card (or a whatever card) because cards are not a way I primarily express love/affection/friendship. When I feel stamp-and-mailbox inclined (RARELY), I am much more a fan of the random card or postcard, sent for no reason.

Perhaps this comes down to Love Languages? Mine is Words of Affirmation, which maybe explains why I'm ambivalent about cards? I don't know. I'm just not A Card Person! Don't hate me!

I tried to embed a simple survey, because I suspect I'm in the minority on this whole Card thing, but I can't make it work and the children are not pleased with me. So, here's a link instead. I KNOW, A WHOLE EXTRA CLICK.But, I have a feeling if you are A Card Person you will be wanting to let me know about it. In my experience, Card People feel very strongly about Cards.

Click here to take survey

Why do the worst photo shoots always return the best pictures?

We took some pictures last week, with our very awesome and fantastic photographer Angela Majerus. She's shot both girls since they were babies and I was fortunate to find her through the obsessive googling that only a first-time pregnant woman does in the middle of the night. Her work basically decorates every wall in my home.

The children were...uncooperative. (To put it very nicely.) There was not a lot of smiling, a whole bunch of whining, a pair of lost shoes, crying, and scowly faces. I was sure the shoot was a disaster. We were already planning the re-shoot.

And then Angela sent me these photos and I died. 

Oh, these girls. My heart. 

All photos by Angela Majerus Photography.

Transition

I stayed at my job for two and a half years after Claire was born, and resigned after Charlotte arrived. I've been at home with the girls for a year now. I've done two versions of parenting (and there are THOUSANDS of versions): working out of the home (with one child) and not working/staying at home (with two children).

I'd like to think it gives me some perspective and clarity on really crappy days, but the annoying truth is it doesn't matter if it's a three-year-old or a gigantic corporate ego that's mad at me and making me do dumb things. Both are crappy and both make me want to stab my eyes out. Each day for the past three years, when I make it to bedtime? I give myself a big high-five. The exact same feeling of relief washes over me, desk job or not.

PHEW. I MADE IT. POUR ME A GLASS OF WINE.

***

This has been a big year of transition for me: I became a mother of two and a few weeks later tucked my career onto a shelf. It's been...interesting. Enlightening. Humbling. Oh-so-very humbling.

I sometimes dislike being in the house all day, picking up after everyone, and not having time with adults to talk in self-important acronyms. I understand these things go with the SAHM territory, I do, but mostly I wake up every day and think,

"I AM LIVING THE DREAAAAAAM!"

Lest anyone think I'm looking at this one-sided, I did have days in my previous, high-heeled, life where I woke up and also had that thought. (The day I departed to The Bahamas for a beachside photo shoot comes to mind.) But, (HUGE HUGE BUT) it has been a gigantic mental transition to get to this point now, in this new, holy-crap-there-are-two-of-them, life.

***

I spend most of my days enjoying not being on a schedule. I behave as if I am still on vacation, as if I'll be called in to my office at any moment. The idea that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want is so very NOVEL to me. I think about Not Being On A Schedule a lot, an embarrassing amount, actually. The Schedule, for me, was my ultimate enemy for a long time and now I can't stand rigid schedules, so we just don't have one. I avoid most activities or events that might require a complex daily schedule. I just can't do it. 

Every day I do exactly what I would do if I was on vacation from my cubicle job, and the joy and delight of this idea is never lost on me. It's awesome. I spend time with my kids. We run necessary errands. I go to the Y and run on a treadmill. I take yoga classes with elderly people. I do a lot of laundry. I bathe children. I struggle to get them to follow directions. I break up fights. I kiss boo-boos. I make unwearable skirts when the children go to bed. I think about trying on those expensive Lemon-something pants everyone keeps talking about.

I do the same things I did while I was working, but I have so much more time to do them and a dramatically more available mental space. That part is nice.

***

At first, I didn't miss my job at all. The baby was all-consuming and for three months I did the, "sleep when you can, just get through today and tackle tomorrow with lots of coffee," thing. That was fine. Expected, even. Everyone does that.

For months 3-6 though, I really struggled with how to let go and turn off, ignore, or redirect the businessy-creative part of my brain. I had a lot of anxiety about wasting time, about not being able to do everything, at not being able to somehow cobble together the perfect blend of SAHM and WAHM that I felt like I wanted, needed, and (most importantly) OWED myself. I spent hours silently pondering the shit-storm that must be in my future.

Nobody will hire me again.

I'll forget everything I know.

I'll be irrelevant. 

And, whoa. I don't care who you are or what you do, nobody likes to think she's on track to being IRRELEVANT. Being irrelevant means you aren't even good for party conversation.

I spent time looking for a new job. I thought about taking on some big personal projects. I explored freelancing and contracting. I began to mentally copy-edit signs at the park. I nitpicked in-store POP. I would roll my eyes at commercials I knew could be better and more effective. I spent months trying to figure out how to be a stay-at-home-mom AND retain my professional identity and skills without actually doing anything remotely professional. (I love an impossible problem, oh yes I do!)

I had never thought of myself as defined by my career, never would have admitted that to anyone at all, but it turns out I LIKED telling people I worked in advertising. I LIKED the flash of recognition when people realized they'd seen my work. And I really liked the feeling of sole ownership that came with doing something by myself, away from my family, that I was good at and proud of, that was mine-all-mine. I liked that a lot. 

But at this specific moment in my life, I did not have the time or sincere desire to make space for work. I'd already filled my plate with other things, yet here I was torturing myself with the idea that I was letting a very important part of my identity, that I'd spent a decade cultivating with care and good decisions, wither and die without so much as a goodbye happy hour. I'm confident that taking a professional break was the right decision for a lot of very typical reasons, but just like any opportunity left on the table, I wondered if I was giving up more than I realized. Just writing this paragraph about trying to bridge that mental gap is making me anxious, which I think says a lot about how turbulent it was (and still is) in my head.

It was so unexpectedly tough to make my brain walk away from my desk, long after I'd physically done so.

Sometime after Christmas, things kind of equalized. I started to transition more. The baby started sleeping longer stretches, the weather got warmer, I started a project everyone can get involved with and get satisfaction from. I read books again, for the first time in years. I ran further and faster and more often. I let go of the anxiety-producing idea that my current role was not enough. It sounds insane, but it was VERY DIFFICULT for me to realize I don't have to impact thousands of people each day to call my day successful. I tried to fill my life with things that don't require acronyms. I shelved the ambitious, consuming, admirable-yet-distracting-in-my-new-life mentality that I can do more/everything/better/faster/cheaper.

(I still critique television commercials and in-store signage. I JUST CAN'T STOP THAT PART, OKAY?)

Somewhere in between about this day last year when I was hugely pregnant and working on projects millions of eyeballs might see, and today when I'm worried about just when in the hell the UPS man will bring me my new steam mop because these bananas Charlotte drops on the floor ain't cleaning themselves (WHO AM I?), my former and past life came to an obvious understanding that I wasn't willing to see or notice last summer.

Nothing's permanent. (DUH.) Things change. (DUH.) And, while I am happy with the state of life now, if I am someday not? I can go back to the acronyms and the high heels. They will be (hopefully) waiting for me and (hopefully) I will not have sacrificed too much during my desk hiatus. In the meantime there are a million ways to dip my toes back in, little-by-little. It's a rolling understanding, one I admit I'm not entirely comfortable or happy with, but it's working for me these days. 

An entire year passed (seemingly) in the blink of an eye, but everything is so, so very different. 

Work History

Maggie totally inspired this post and I hope you write one too, or tell me in the comments what your first jobs were. I ADORE hearing about everyone's first jobs. They're almost all comically horrible and I find it to be such a unifying topic.

Like a lot of teenage girls, the first job I ever had was babysitting. I babysat a LOT in high school, and I liked it quite a bit. It was pretty easy money. Most nights I'd earn $30 or $40, sometimes more, all for just watching TV and reading stories to small people. Really, I was shocked people paid me so handsomely for this.

There were a couple of families I preferred over the others and I remember at one point deciding I didn't like babysitting for a certain family because there were ALWAYS dirty dishes in the kitchen and they were smelly and the house smelled like dog and the children were just...odd. I remember feeling kind of badly about this but my mom told me if I didn't like them I didn't HAVE to babysit for them. This was an oddly empowering moment for me, realizing it was okay to decline for personal reasons, that I didn't have to justify or explain to anyone.

We lived on base so this didn't really hurt my business. Whenever that family called I just told them I was busy (watching The Simpsons with my brother and chain-eating Drumsticks with a fourteen-year-old's magical metabolism, OH THOSE WERE THE DAYS). I raked in the cash for a couple of years. I spent all of it on movies, clothes, shoes, milkshakes at the PX Burger King, lip gloss and a subscription to Sassy.

For my second job was a lifeguard at the O-Club pool the summer between my sophomore and junior year of high school. I think my mother is the one that suggested another girl and I take the course, because if we did we'd surely be hired. I'm not sure WHY she suggested this to us (or why she thought we'd be hired), but we took the class. (Perhaps she was envisioning a summer full of my teenage eye-rolling and whining and was looking to avoid that. CAN'T IMAGINE WHY.) We were hired and it was a pretty boring job. I never had to rescue anyone (though I was PETRIFIED that I'd have to and I would forget all of the training). I took chemical samples every hour and posted them on a whiteboard. I didn't clean bathrooms, even though it was TECHNICALLY part of my job. I think they paid us $7/hour, which was big, huge, giant money in 1996. 

My third job was in college. I was an Assistant Page Editor for my college yearbook. I was assigned a chunk of pages in the Athletics section and I had to assign photographers and writers to cover various events/clubs/teams and then take the materials they came back with and design layouts. I liked it, a lot! We worked on giant blue Mac G3s in the basement of the Journalism building. I think I was paid $15 or $20 for each two-page-spread that went to press. In the end, I think 50 or 60 pages went to press, but I didn't get paid until the end of the spring semester, so it was basically summer spending money.

The year after that, I became the Athletics Section Editor. The Aggieland was (at the time) the largest collegiate yearbook in the United States and the Athletics section was the largest section. I hired an Assistant Page Editor (she was the only one that applied) and we had a nice year making pages, looking at photos, bonding with the staff in the basement of the Journalism building and getting to a first-name basis with the Sports Information Director.

I applied to be the Editor-in-Chief the next year, but I bombed the interview. I had serious misgivings about even applying for the job, but for some reason I decided to submit my application. Toward the end of my stint as section editor, I had grown unhappy with the team and atmosphere and support from the department and I applied with heavy feet. And then, in the interview, I suddenly realized this was not a job I wanted. I heard some flippant things come out of my mouth and I probably made some faces and, whaddya know, they didn't hire me. (It was not very mature, I know, but I was also 20 and....immature.) 

The next semester I needed spending money so I worked at a sandwich shop. It wasn't SO bad, but the guy that owned it did not instruct anyone in how to work there. There were just a bunch of things to do and people did whatever! You basically walked in for your shift and got stuck doing what the person leaving had been doing or whatever you felt like doing. I liked making the chocolate chip cookies, making sandwiches, and taking orders. I did not like washing dishes, so I generally just refused/ignored them and that actually turned out to be a good tactic because I think I only washed dishes once. I quit after a few months because it was just so WEIRD and I didn't like people bitching to me about their sandwiches. (People have Very Strong Feelings about their sandwiches.)

After I graduated, nobody was hiring. I graduated in August, 2001 and after September 11, 2001 things were kind of locked down. I looked and I applied but NOBODY was hiring in my corner of the world. I substitute taught. I temped at a legal office, filling the hours with data entry on a class action asbestos lawsuit. I was a receptionist at a now-defunct telecom company that NOBODY ever visited so I read the internet all day. One day, a lady walked over to me and said, "THEY HAVE FIRED ALL OF US!"

Ah, well. Okay then.

I worked for a few months at an environmental engineering company as a "Designer." They never, ever gave me any work to do. Really, to this day I cannot remember WHAT I did there except read a few proposals and make sure they matched the RFP requirements. 

I was finally offered an actual full-time position in San Angelo, Texas at the city newspaper as a page editor. They were willing to pay me the grand sum of $17,500/year, but I knew that even in tiny San Angelo that was hardly enough to live on. Also, it was in San Angelo and....no thanks.

I commuted by bus, I lived at home with my parents in Austin, I wondered when my life was going to start. 

Then one day a woman named Sharon hired me to work at an advertising agency in Dallas. I had a friend that worked there and she thought I would like it. And, that's how I got myself on the Marketing and Advertising Merry-Go-Round. I stayed there for about ten years and immersed myself in all manner of buzzwords, acronyms and requests to make the logo bigger. 

So, spill your guts to me. What were your first jobs? (I am DYING to hear!)

Four things: Margaritas, HVAC Failure, A Contractor Story, Fruit Ninja

1. We have been making margaritas lately and this recipe right here is SO FREAKING DELICIOUS and I have my friends Ryan and Lolly to thank for introducing it to us. Everyone must run out to Costco and buy a sack of limes straight away. Go. Now. 

2. The downstairs AC unit died. If it was July and 110-degrees this would be a very big deal, but it's March and it was 66-degrees today so it's not quite as terrible. Our units (one for upstairs, one for downstairs) are 15-years-old and are pretty much at the end of their expected life and we knew this was lurking somewhere in our future but....bleh. Adios, many thousands of dollars. 

3. I called nine companies to estimate the job and five were able to come over on Monday, so I had a pretty good range of quotes to look at and compare. One of the guys though? Oh my goodness, what a mess.

Firstly, he shows up looking like a slightly scruffier version of Jimmy Buffet. Aloha shirt unbuttoned one button too many, very casual, says things like, "I just have a good feeling about you, we're going to do some work together!" And at first it was kind of charming and funny. But then he stayed too long, over-explaining things I had no interest in learning about (even after I politely asked him to wrap it up as my interest in HVAC systems was extremely limited). 

Then he said, "When your Da-HUSBAND gets home you can talk about blabbity-blah-whatever..."

!!!!

I mean, I know I am particularly radiant and young-looking (haaaa) but really? He almost said when my DADDY gets home? He also mentioned something about back surgery and being on painkillers and how they were making him feel messed up. Ohhh-kayyyyy. Maybe that's something you don't bring up to a potential client.

He says he'll email me a crazy-detailed estimate to review and he's sure he'll be the best and most awesome choice for the job and he's so excited and then (you see where this is going, right?).....I never got an estimate. I wasn't too concerned about it because I had a handful of people bidding but still, it did seem odd.

It got even weirder when he started calling, asking about the job! He was just SO EARNEST. And I was like, "I still need the estimate." I cannot hire anyone for anything without a price attached to it!  He said he'd bring it by the house that evening and I was all no, dude. I do not need you to come by my house again. I have dinner to make and small people to put to bed. JUST EMAIL IT TO ME LIKE A NORMAL PERSON IN 2012 DOES. It's not hard to send an email! He texts me saying the estimate (that has yet to appear) is only good for three days.

All day long (Tuesday), still no estimate.

Today (Wednesday) he leaves a voicemail that says he left his phone in another vehicle and is just now getting it back. What kind of person loses their phone for an entire day? Why is he telling me these things? We are 48+ hours removed from the original visit.

An hour after the voicemail about the lost phone, I get an email forward from him. Oh! Finally! It contains my estimate and the estimates for two other clients with no other words or context. Just a bunch of attachments.

My estimate has a lot of words, but no number or dollar amount. Somehow, I am not surprised.

4. Claire has been playing Fruit Ninja on the Kinect and if that's not hilarious all on its own (it is, trust me) the other day Charlotte crawled in front of the sensor and started waving her hands like Claire was doing. The Kinect picked her up as the second player and Claire wasn't too happy about this and she shouted,

"Charlotte! NO FRUIT FOR YOU!" 

Her tone was JUST LIKE the Soup Nazi. (Claire has never seen an episode of Seinfeld.) It was awesome.

 

About the urgent care clinic

When we were in Houston for my brother's wedding, Charlotte spiked a high-ish fever: 102.1. She's never been a sick kid and at almost ten-months-old had yet to make even ONE sick-child visit to our pediatrician.

(This is completely INSANE as I think Claire had at least 5 or 8 sick-child visits at this point in her life. I would like to say it's because Charlotte was not in a group child care setting and Claire WAS, but I think it mostly has to do with winter-baby/summer-baby and an older sibling that sucks her thumb, which is the grossest thing in the whole world.)(She also steals the baby's binkys, which is a whole other post. GOD, she is such a germ-sharing factory.)

Ahem. Anyway.

A fever (with congestion that had been going for a few weeks) made me think it was an ear infection. But, we were out of town so I dosed her with Motrin, saw the fever drop, put her to bed, and hoped for the best. She woke up at 11pm, breathing quickly, and so, so, so hot. She was crying and almost inconsolable. I took her temperature several times with a newish temporal thermometer we'd bought. 102....103....104? ONE-OH-FOUR? WHAT?

That was a really high number, but it seemed weird that I'd get such dramatically different readings in quick succession. I wondered if I was using this fancy new thermometer wrong?  I figured if I was using it wrong, it would give me a LOW reading and not a high one. It can't measure that high unless something is that hot. (Right? This is how my brain was working.) 

I called the overnight nurse back in Ft Worth and she explained that if Charlotte had been recently laying down (as she had been, ASLEEP and all), it would make the surface temperature of her head a lot higher than her actual temperature. Since it had been several minutes and she was upright, she wanted me to try again, with three subsequent reads.

101.2

101.1

101.2

That's better. (Well, as better as 101 is.)  She calmed down, nursed, we gave her some more Motrin and put her back to sleep. 

(SIDEBAR! Our pediatrician is a part of the Cook Children's Medical Center. Cook Children's is the Ft Worth medical center of choice and I have been SO SO SO impressed with them for the past 3 years. They have an app that I have used several times [all while out of town, go figure]. It's got really simple information in it that you could Google, but I find that it's comforting/reassuring to find out what Cook's has to say about fever/puke/whatever in the middle of the night [when I'm right on the edge of panicky thoughts and don't need any more crazy added to the mix] rather than Dr Google. It's blanket information not specific to Cook's, so if you wanted to get the app, just go here.)

The next day Charlotte was irritable and cranky. I still thought she probably had an ear infection. She was now pulling on her ears and shaking her head. I called our pediatrician and asked if they thought I should take her to an urgent care clinic or if treating an ear infection with antibiotics isn't something they'd want to do anyway. (Some practices skip antibiotics for ear infections, depending on a variety of factors.) My ped's nurse told me that they DO treat an ear infection with antibiotics and I should try to get her seen. She recommended a pediatric urgent care, but a regular urgent care would do. Just try and get her treated.

Okay. We can do that. After all, we are in the fourth-largest city in the United States. 

We had several hours until the rehearsal dinner and I felt pretty confident that we'd get her to a pediatric urgent care clinic, seen, diagnosed with an ear infection, and fetch a liquid suspension of antibiotics well before it was time to get dressed for the evening. I Googled for a pediatric urgent care and came up with nothing close. (Houston is about 50-miles across and in traffic on Friday afternoon? Going far could take HOURS. It took us 45 minutes to drive four miles across town. I needed something close.)

Okay, maybe just a plain old urgent care clinic? One of the first results was the CVS Minute Clinic. Huh. that sounded pretty....decent. Considering she wasn't in immediate distress and I really WAS about 90% sure we just needed a peek with an otoscope, this sounded like a very efficient and cost effective way to get her treated. But, I wasn't sure they'd see a baby. I looked on their website and called the 866 number (it hung up on me) and even called the specific location, but nobody was able to tell me if they would see a nine-month-old. 

SIGH.

I looked on my map some more. I found a pediatric facility, but it looked kind of far away. There were more in the suburbs, but in the center of the city there was nothing for kids. (People in the city...don't have children that get sick on the weekends? What? No.) We went inside and nope, they don't see kids under 18-months-old at CVS Minute Clinic. They directed me to another urgent care clinic down the street that saw babies.

Except, they didn't treat babies either (even though I asked her if she knew a place that WOULD SEE A BABY OMG PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS SOMETIMES). They sent me to anther place (and I was SURE to specify URGENT CARE that treats babies and not EMERGENCY ROOM, because $$$$$), but it was an ER. 

The second I saw the sign out front, I knew it would cost Big Bucks to have someone hold an otoscope to her ear. I am a reasonable person and I want my baby to feel better, but this is not a $600 problem. But we were there, so we walked in. The first thing I said was, "How much is a visit to check out her ears, cash, no insurance?" 

You guys? She gave me A Look. A "OH THAT IS SAD, NO INSURANCE" look!

And that pissed me off!

Because, what the shit? Having insurance or not isn't a reflection about a person's character or financial circumstances (NOT THAT IT MATTERS OR IS HER BUSINESS ANYWAY). It's just me asking, in a reasonable tone, "What is the price?"

You know, like a normal person asks before she spends money?  It's not a sad thing! Not an embarassing thing! It's just how commerce works! We agree on a price and then I decide if I want to buy what you are offering. Nobody gives me A Look at Starbucks when I ask how much an extra shot is. There is not unlimited money, Judgey Receptionist Lady. People need to know what things cost.

We are insured, but we are on a very high deductible HSA, and we are responsible for 100% of our sick visits until we meet the deductible, which we hope not to meet because that would mean someone got really, really sick. Whatever this was going to cost, we were going to be paying 100%. Asking for the no-insurance price was the quickest way to get to the answer.

And you know what? I am fine paying for my family's sick visits, including emergency visits, if necessary. Really. I am! I understand the limitations and responsibilities of my plan and we have budgeted accordingly. I know that a broken arm is going to set up back a few hundred bucks. (Maybe a grand. Let's not go there today.) But, I want to know what I am going to pay before I incur the charge (again, AS A NORMAL PERSON DOES), especially if it's an elective visit. This was another problem we were having: not only did we have a sick baby while out of town, we were now seeking non-emergency care in an emergency setting because none of the urgent care clinics would see a child under 18-months-old. The ship had long since sailed to try and get a regular appointment at a local pediatrician's office that afternoon. We were pretty stuck. 

So, I have asked her what it's going to cost and she gives me the pièce de résistance of my wedding weekend medical quest: She told me she can't tell me what it costs because they are an ER and they have to see everyone. Let me repeat: She knew what it would cost and she refused to tell me. I was not asking IF she would see my child (I am aware that an ER has to see everyone), I was asking WHAT IS THE FEE.

I think she was trying to say that in a true emergency, cost doesn't matter. In a life-or-death situation, I tend to agree. Am I bleeding out? Please save me, no matter the cost. Did I skin my knee and I need a band-aid? No, I do not want to pay $500 for that.

The huge, enormous gap in this process is it's MY decision to make, not hers or her company's. MINE. (If this turns out to be a legal issue, that an ER is prohibited by law from telling someone what a visit might cost, then I'll be REALLY horrified.)

There's a HUGE connection between what it costs to be treated and whether a person CHOOSES to be treated. The idea that these two things aren't related or heavily intertwined is ridiculous. People make these decisions every day! It's RESPONSIBLE and NORMAL to want to know and use this information as part of the decision-making process when seeking medical care.

Live with the backache or get the expensive surgery?

Wait for strep throat to clear up in 3-7 days or go see a doctor and pay for that visit plus an antibiotics prescription?

And, at the extreme, take the heart medication or eat dinner next weeK?

People in America are making these decisions, and far more heart-wrenching ones I can't even imagine, EVERY DAY. Money is a BIG PART of seeking treatment for a health issue.

Cost and treatment are not mutually exclusive. 

I wanted to yell at her. Scream at her. Shake my hands at her. Rain a storm of simple logic and three-syllable words on her.  

I started to really understand the phrase, "access to care." My child needed care and I couldn't access it. The one place that I could access care, was for an unknown, hidden, deliberately withheld cost. And you know what? That is fucked up.There we were in the fourth-largest city in the United States of America, insured, willing to spend (not an exorbitant sum of) money to have our daughter's ear checked out, running every set of keywords I could think of via iPhone on the tollway, and still having a problem getting access to care. All the blessings in the world and nobody will tell me what it costs to hold an otoscope to her ear and see if this poor child's middle ear is infected.

"Frustrated" does not come close to conveying my feelings that afternoon. We were out of time and out of places to go. 

We took her to the rehearsal dinner and she was fine. Happy, chatty, smiley. She wasn't feeling TOO terrible. This entire thing was a "nice to have." We tried to get her seen, we couldn't, we moved on with our plans. She seemed to do just fine, but ran a lowish fever and shook her head/pulled her ears all weekend. Probably uncomfortable, but still in a good mood.

We went to our normal pediatrician on Monday, once we got home, and she took one look in her left ear and saw a "raging ear infection." $5 for some amoxicillin, $144 for the visit and she was feeling much better the next day. The whole thing took an hour.

***

We had two problems: she was under 18-months-old and we were out of town. Left to turn to an ER, a policy that appears to have been designed to make sure everyone had access to care ushered us straight out the door. Yes, we could have accessed care, but we chose not to because the providers withheld information that was crucial in our decision-making process. Of course, if it had been a true emergency we would have been able to get her seen at a hundred places. But, it wasn't. It was an everyday problem that we were not at home for. She fell through the cracks, got tangled in red tape, pick whatever metaphor suits you, because we were all over it. Too young to be treated here, unknown cost over there. Game over.

I can handle a baby with an ear infection and make her comfortable. What really got me was that I tried to get my baby treated and I failed.

I felt like I had failed her. 

In the future, I will seek out the nearest pediatric urgent care clinic when we travel. I have already identified the nearest, takes-our-insurance facility in the cities that the grandparents reside.(Because even if I'm paying, you bet your ass I also want the negotiated rate.)

I also went ahead and forked over $26 for my very own otoscope and I'm going to ask our pediatrician what to look for and how to use it (along with Dr Google, of course). I have a feeling this request is going to make her wince, but this is what lack of universal access to and the ridiculous, oddly secretive cost of medical care in this country has come to. 

It's just all so very modern, isn't it?

The best part about throwing a baby shower is all of the tiny, leftover, food I get to eat the day after

My very dear friend Kristi is having her first baby, a girl, in a couple of weeks. Her due date is right about what Charlotte's was and it's going to be such fun to have the two girls just a year apart. I hosted a small baby shower for her on Saturday.

Did you know if you already have two girls it's SO EASY to decorate for a baby shower? I just wandered upstairs and took all of their things to redistribute downstairs for the party. There were about ten guests, which is about the perfect sized shower in my book. I can serve coffee and use my china, there are enough places to sit and ten people don't dirty many dishes. It was an afternoon event, so I didn't serve a meal, but there were sweet and savory things to snack on, plus some punch and coffee.

***

Here is my front door. I hung a wee, fancy dress from a bit of grosgrain ribbon leftover from my wedding and I tied a bow on a rocking horse and set those out front. Simple and totally free. (My favorite kind of decoration.) 

I put food in the dining room and drinks in the breakfast area. This worked out pretty well since guests refilled their drinks more often than their plates. The punch bowl was my great-grandmother's, the table cloth was my other great-grandmother's (it's a really soft, pearly pink and I have used it for a TON of baby-girl showers) (It is also a bitch to iron. I mean, I IRONED THAT and it still looks all wrinkled). The carafe kept the coffee piping hot for several hours after the shower ended. (I totally love that stupid carafe.)

I got to use my tea cups for the first time EVER. Of course, it makes sense that only two people drank coffee but whatever they looked pretty on the table.

I put some spoons for the coffee in a Peter Rabbit cup that belongs to Claire. It's part of a set with a bowl and plate. I've never let her play with them/use them because obviously they would be broken by now, several times over. Maybe when she's older. The sterling was (also) my great-grandmother's but that's not her monogram so it either belongs to a previous generation's relative or she was a very good silver thief. 

I bought these at Target last week and thought they were darling.

Surprise! The baby is going to be named Emme! These are chipboard letters (from Hobby Lobby, $2 or $3 each) that I wrapped with tulle. The tulle came in 25-yard lengths on a spool (for $2.50/each) and was about 6" wide. I started with the idea of wrapping letters in yarn (as seen everywhere on Pinterest and Jess did one also), but yarn felt too rustic for a pretty baby shower. I was pleased with them and Kristi took them home for the baby's room. I think this was about a $10 project and it helps if the baby's name is short. ("Charlotte" would have been more spendy.)

I made a lot of paper circle garlands, which might be one of the top-five ideas Elizabeth has brought into my life.

I hung those suckers EVERYWHERE. Oh, while we're here, let's do a House Tour: Living Room! I mean, it's all clean, I crammed the toys in another room and it looks all normal and very grown-up. (FOR ONCE.) I mean, there's not even any laundry on the sofa! This is fancy!

Living room, looking towards the front door and dining room.

Here's the view if you turn the camera to the right: kitchen. (Also, garlands.)

Aaaaand, if you keep turning the camera right you'll get to the breakfast room and my wrinkly pink tablecloth. (Seriously, I did iron that.)

Living room with picture wall, which you've all seen before. There is nothing baby shower about this picture except the total absence of toys, which pleases me a great deal. 

Other blank wall, which I am still deciding what to do with. I am thinking two or three dark, floating shelves. Maybe. Only if I can figure out how to do that without giving my credit card number to Pottery Barn.

I had this yellow scale as a baby. My grandmother sent it to my parents in California with instructions to weigh me every week and report back so she could keep track of me. It doesn't work any more, but I think it's cute. It usually lives in Claire's room.

In the dining room, I stuck a bunch of books and a rainbow stacker toy on the buffet . This was a totally last-minute idea, minutes before guests arrived but I kind of like it. Also? FREEEEEEE.

This is my sink with my new faucet. I am including this photo only because there are no dishes, yogurt containers, half-eaten bowls of cereal or other crap on the counter and it's a once-in-a-year shot and I wanted to remember it. (What you cannot see is that the garbage disposal broke about an hour before the party, right after I'd crammed sixty strawberries worth of tops and hulls into it.) My amaryllis plants from November are still back there, not blooming of course, but I kind of like how their big leaves fill up the space with green. They are also impossible to kill and that helps.

Oh, back to baby shower things. More garlands. Wheeeeee!

Okay, food. For a 2p shower for ten women, I knew I didn't need a ton of food. I always, always, always serve too much food and it took a LOT of willpower to scale it back for this. For a long time I figured I'd wing it a few days before (TERRIBLE IDEA) but then Annie's Eats rescued me with a wee baby shower menu that was PERFECT. This was just the right amount of food.

I augmented and adapted Annie's menu, but it was perfect. I would totally do this entire menu again.

Strawberry Hibiscus-Tea Lemonade

This was a GIGANTIC PAIN IN THE ASS to make. It was also EXTREMELY DELICIOUS OMG YUMMY. It requires a lot of strawberries, so I might only make it again in the summer when they are super cheap. I used the Celestial Seasonings Red Zinger for the hibiscus tea part and I added a little more simple syrup than the recipe called for. Leftovers were very good with a splash of vodka.

Coffee

Strawberry Cupcakes

I did a really good job with the Swiss Meringue Buttercream this time. It's a notoriously tricky recipe, so I made it on Thursday and gave myself plenty of time in case I screwed it up, but I didn't! (Look, I made it my bitch, okay? I OWNED that SMB recipe last week.) I refrigerated it for two days and then then just whipped it back into buttercream on Saturday. It appeared SUPER curdled for about ten minutes and then got all silky and smoother like it was supposed to.Next time, I'll make two batches of buttercream, because I really like cupcakes with a giant, tall, swirl of frosting and these didn't have enough. 

Chocolate Dipped Shortbread Cookies that I bought at Costco.

Mini-quiches that I bought at Costco

Vegetables with Dip in Baguette Cups

These were very twee and fancy crudites. They ended up looking great, but they were kind of a pain to make. It took me a few slices to figure out what angle to cut the bread so it turned out properly, and I ended up with a ton of discarded bread (which we fed to the ducks today). I filled them with sour cream I had mixed with powdered Hidden Valley Ranch mix. People seemed to like them. They were certainly cute.

Cucumber Bites with Herbed Cheese

I sliced a peeled cucumber with a corrugated slicer-thing. Scooped out a little indent in the seeds. Filled with Boursin mixed with some whipping cream (to thin it out). Piped with a pastry bag and star tip. So simple. Everyone commented on them. Made them in advance.

  

This is a white table cloth that I bought at Walmart a few years ago, with a bright pink length of a tulle-ish material on top. I bought it at IKEA for a few bucks. I think it's supposed to be a window sheer? Maybe? Whatever it is, it made for a super table runner for less than $5.

And that is the end of the linkapalooza Baby Shower review. I am off to eat the rest of the mini quiches now. YUM.

Double take, 7 months

Oh my goodness, I am really tired of talking about Advent activities so, uh, I'm not going to talk about that today.

Here are Charlotte (top) and Claire (bottom) both at about the same age (seven-ish months) and wearing the same footie pajamas. While they don't look quite as identical as they did when they were newborns the similarities are still pretty significant (well, at least I think they are.) 

Again with the same pajamas/different kid. Claire is the top one, Charlotte the bottom two. Claire's face looks longer and Charlotte's more full but they pretty much have the same hair and eyes.

That last one is a pretty weird picture of her, and I wouldn't even say it's a terribly good capture of her face or expression but you can see her eyes nicely and that's why I included it. A lot of people tell me, unprompted, that they look a lot alike, now but especially as babies. I have to say, Charlotte looks a lot more like Claire in my brain than these pictures illustrate and I wonder if it's because I don't have photos that are really the same shot/different baby to tell the proper story or if, in my head, I see more similarities because I'm the mom? Huh.

At this point Claire could have cared less about solid foods and Charlotte is all "MOAR PLZ." (Seriously, she'll eat anything. She's like a goat.) The only way to get Claire to sleep was to nurse her and Charlotte just sort of...falls asleep in our arms. They both started sleeping through the night at about the same time, also both incredibly unreliable about how often they perform this feat of baby strength. Charlotte has a tooth and Claire had two at this point, so I'm sure we have another week of Hellacious Baby Teething coming up soon. Woo.

(Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas are easy, overnight, painless teeth for my baby, Love, A'Dell).

These cheeks! I love them. (Charlotte.)

The Christmas Eating

December 23, Cookie Day, up to 50 guests including littles, open house

We will have my parents in town plus lots and lots of friends and their kids. It's a cookie decorating and hot cocoa party. My plan is to serve coffee and cocoa with a crap-ton of add-ins to customize your drink. I'm also going to do one specialty cocktail. (Yum! Specialty cocktail!)

Drinks

Coffee, served in a giant urn/coffeepot thing my mom has. It makes like fifty cups of coffee at one time! Awesome. I will not have to make pot upon pot of coffee.

Cocoa, served in my slick thermal carafe I got last Christmas. It doesn't hold a whole lot so I will probably have to make pot upon pot of cocoa. Actually, no. I just decided to buy another carafe to make this problem go away because I have actually been stressing about it quite a bit. (Yes, I'm the kind of person that stresses about cocoa at a cookie party, WHAT?) What if people want cocoa but they have to wait? Oh no! Nobody will have cocoa and that is the frakking POINT of the party! I know, I'm insane. (I got a red one.)

Cocoa and Coffee toppings/mix-ins (I plan to have five or six "recipes" set up for guidance on how to combine and mix/match for those that are intimidated by DIY cocoa.)(Although really, what kind of person is intimidated by DIY cocoa?)

Peppermint Schnapps

Butterscotch Schnapps

Scotch

Bailey's

Vodka

Soft peppermint sticks

Crushed Candy Canes

Mini Marshmallows

Big Marshmallows (These are the ones I like.)

Mini Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

Peppermint Whipped Cream

Crushed Toffee Bits

Crushed Butterfinger

Mini M&Ms

Sprinkles

Red Hots

Crushed peanuts/pecans (Whatever the ice cream topping mix is made of.)

Something else savory I haven't identified yet. (Nutella? Peanut Butter? Reese's?)

Ground Cinnamon, Nutmeg and Dark Cocoa Powder for sprinkling. (I need to get some slick little sprinkling can type things.)

Cream, Sugar, Splenda (More for the coffee but if someone wants to sweeten their cocoa then...okaaay.)

Gingerbread Martinis (Am planning to simply make a pitcher of them and perhaps when they are gone, they are gone. Not sure I feel like cocktail mixing during the party. I also have six darling coupe glasses that I never use and these would be perfect for that.)

Apple Juice (For the kids that won't drink cocoa) (Perhaps in a pitcher, perhaps juice boxes for simplicity. Haven't decided yet.)

Sweets

Fudge (From a box. Because that's how we make it around here.)

Vanilla-Almond Sugar Cookies with icing in a variety of shades and sprinkles in a variety of shapes/colors.

Espresso Crinkles

Double Chocolate Biscotti

Chai Shortbread

Something else I haven't decided on yet. Maybe two somethings. Ideas? I want little finger food type candies or baked goods.

Snacks (not sweet)

Chex Mix

A version of vegetables and a dip that is not as boring to look at, eat or think about as vegetables and a dip. (Still noodling on this one.)

Some kind of sandwichy pinwheel roll up things. Perhaps catered because that sounds like something I don't want to make.

Dinner that evening, after the party people go home

HA HA NO I AM NOT COOKING AFTER ALL OF THAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Black Bean Soup (From a kit at Central Market. Already made and sitting in a gallon bag in my freezer.)

Bison Chili (My mom is making this and bringing.) (Thank you, Mom!)

Add-ins, for both:

Sour Cream

Green Onions

Diced Tomatoes

Diced Purple Onions

Grated Sharp Cheddar Cheese

Grated Monterry Jack Cheese

Crushed Tortilla Chips

Cilantro

Diced Avocado 

Cornbread with butter and honey (Local honey! Local, $13 honey that I have to keep in the fridge or the ants will get it, which is so gross and disgusting, I know.) (It is amazing honey.)

Dessert: Um, cookies? DUH.

December 24, Christmas Eve, 10 people (Including Claire and Charlotte and let's be honest, they do not really count when setting a formal table.) (Especially Charlotte.)

Snacks

A variety of cheeses and crackers (Will definitely include: Havarti, Gouda and something really, really stinky.)

Baked Brie

Antipasti Platter: Salami, Roasted Red Pepper, Kalamatas, Prosciutto, etc.

Maybe something else, if I feel like or if someone else makes it.

Dinner

Dry Brined Beef Tenderloin (You bet your ass I'm making it again. I already have the meat in the freezer.)

Mashed Potatoes (Uncomplicated, I can make and freeze them in advance.)

Mac and Cheese (Need a recipe for this. Holly Burns' mother, I am casting my eyes in a hopeful manner in your general direction.)

2 vegetables (I am thinking roasted asparagus and a salad but I am open to your suggestions about favorite holiday vegetable preparations.)

Rolls and Butter (I am thinking about making the rolls, because I am obviously high and feel there is not enough to do.) (Also am thinking about a fancy compound herbed butter. Recipes, anyone?)

Wine. Lots and lots and lots of wine.

December 25, Christmas Day

Breakfast Casserole that I made last year because holy hell was that DELICIOUS. Same tweaks/adds: 

Added a red bell pepper, used a mix of monterrey jack and sharp cheddar, used chorizo instead of regular breakfast sausage and only 8 eggs instead of 12. I served it with flour tortillas, sour cream and hatch chile salsa.

Cheese Grits (My grandmother makes them.)

Cinnamon Rolls (I'm going to make PW's again, even though I was kind of MEH about them last year. They tasted good I just wanted them bigger and fatter, so I'll make that adjustment when putting them together. Will make and freeze well in advance.) (Which means that, uh, I should make some cinnamon rolls tomorrow, CRAP.)

Bloody Mary Bar (I completely failed on this last year so I am determined to make it happen this year.) 

Mimosas (Champaaaaaagne!)

Coffee

Rest of the Day, Lunch and Snacks

Leftovers. Holy cow the leftovers will be AWESOME. Also? I am so OVER dishes by this point. Someone take me to a movie. No, seriously, someone watch my kids so I can finally go to a movie for the first time in seven months.

Dinner

Since we had our big meal the day before on Christmas Eve we'll do a simple dinner tonight. My guess is that it will be something like lasagna, tamales or maybe even more leftovers.