I have a picky eater and I really don't care

I didn't realize Claire was a picky eater until my best friend pointed it out to me. She said something casual and I was kind of like, "What? She's not a picky eater. That's crazy!" Then I realized I could count almost every item she eats on my two hands and...yeaaaaah. Claire is a very picky eater. 

My best friend's daughter is the same age and she will try ANYTHING. Last summer she was eating mussels like they were popcorn. (I DON'T EVEN EAT MUSSELS.) 

Claire is so picky, I can list everything she will deign to eat without any risk at all of being tedious:

Tier One (70% of her diet)

Cheese (Cheddar and Colby Jack. NO OTHER CHEESES ALLOWED.)

Bread (includes tortillas, waffles, pancakes and actual sandwich bread)

Fruit (strawberries, bananas, grapes, apples, etc)

Tier Two (20% of her diet)

Cheerios

Cashews/Peanuts

Cereal Bars

Applesauce

Yogurt

Tier Three (10% of her diet)

Ravioli (Unreliably)

Cheese Pizza

French Fries

Chicken Nuggets (Unreliably)

Peanut Butter (A new addition to this list, as of two weeks ago)

(Of course, sugars of all kinds of welcome: cookies, cakes, brownies, ice cream, candy, etc.)

That's it. That is basically all she's eaten for the past three years. I have tried, OH HOW I HAVE TRIED, to get her to branch out and perhaps try a green bean or a leaf of lettuce or even an avocado (which she DID eat as a baby, which makes it all the more infuriating). She's also very particular about temperature and format: She will eat cold cheese in a tortilla, but if I heat it up and call it a quesadilla? HELLS NO. 

She won't touch lunch meat, hot dogs, ground meat, pasta (except ravioli and, as noted above, not very reliably) or basically anything else that a normal person might call a full and complete meal. Claire is very fond of finger foods she can eat straight from the fridge, I think because it translates into "what you see is what you get." She will eat an actual meal (that is, eating what's offered until she's full), but she often takes a long time to eat it and is easily distracted from the table. She's getting better at sitting at the table until she's finished, but she has never, ever displayed an "I am so hungry I could eat that entire cow!" kind of appetite.

And, as bothersome as this might be to some people, I don't really care. 

She's basically a self-selected vegetarian and she seems to prefer whole foods. (It's very Michael Pollen of her, don't you think?) I don't mean that in a hippie-uppity-snobby way, because she will happily eat the hell out of Oreos or any other processed sugary thing. She's just VERY SUSPICIOUS of foods she can't identify that have been blended into something else. For example, a taco is a no-go because she can't see all the parts of it laid out plainly, but she'll happily eat a tortilla and cheese on their own. (Lettuce and meat are already on her Hell No list, so those didn't have a chance.) If I pack a cheese sandwich in her lunch, she's very likely to take it apart and eat the bread and cheese separately, but she'll eat it. She certainly LIKES all of the ingredients in some meals I prepare, but she absolutely won't eat them cooked together and certainly not hot.

I hear about picky eaters and how their parents try to get them to eat other foods through tricky means and smoothie measures and...that is not a tactic for me. (Claire is not going to eat anything resembling a smoothie unless it comes from Sonic and is called a chocolate milkshake.) She is obviously thriving, so that makes it easy for me to say I don't give a crap if she chain eats grapes and toast all day. We try not to do that EVERY day, but I'm definitely not spending a lot of mental space thinking about how to get her to eat some carrots or some steak. I just don't have the energy or desire to fight with her about food if I don't have to, and I suspect that's probably the wrong tactic to take anyway. 

As fine as I am with her pickiness, I have always wondered in the back of my head if there was a misstep somewhere on my part, that led her to this very, very selective culinary path. Did I not introduce the right variety of foods, at the right times? Was I not consistent enough?

Then Charlotte came along and ate everything in sight. Everything! With no hesitation whatsoever, my second-born child will eat ANYTHING and if you don't offer your bites to her, she will demand them loudly. Charlotte will throw a fit over the enchilada (with jalapenos!) on your plate and when you give her a bite, she will ask for the entire thing and eat it merrily.  Claire never did that. She was extremely snooty about food, even as a baby.

I suddenly realized, in what is surely going to be one of my top-ten no-shit statements of 2012,

"Oh! Some people are just picky!" 

I've come to see Claire's food preferences as more of a personality trait rather than a behavior I molded, formed, or influenced. We all know plenty of ADULTS that won't touch a tomato, won't eat green vegetables, and hell, I even have an uncle that doesn't like cheese (I KNOW). I won't eat eggplant or shellfish. We all like what we like and when I meet an adult picky eater? I never, ever, think, "Oh, that person's mother must have only fed her fruit growing up. That's why she won't eat broccoli. What a terrible mother she had."

No. Nobody thinks that.

Perhaps Claire will branch out into delicacies such as spaghetti, hamburgers, or macaroni and cheese over the next few years, but for now I'm happy to make her a cheese sandwich and sliced strawberries every day for lunch (and sometimes again for dinner). She's a picky eater. Whatever.

Comments

[Lacey]

Yes, yes, yes. Some people are just picky, and I am one of those people. I am Claire in 25 years. I had a select few things I ate as a small child and that was IT. No amount of trickery or bribery would convince me to try anything otherwise, and over the years I started to try stuff on my own. I still rarely eat a veggie, but I finally tried hot dogs and mac and cheese at age 15, for example. It is a texture thing for me and I'd love NOT to be picky but it just isn't happening for me. I pray my daughter doesn't have my pickiness, but I totally understand if she does.

[Megan @ Mama Bub]

Yes, why don't we care if adults are picky, but it's a MUST FIX problem in children? A friend of mine is a nutritionist, and for two years of her childhood she ate nothing but graham crackers and applesauce (or so our mothers swear.) Whatever. She eats other things now, of course, but is picky in other ways. AND NO ONE CARES.

[Elsha]

I was VERY picky as a child, and have branched way out as an adult. I've tried escargot! I like sushi! Huge fan of steamed broccoli, which I wouldn't touch as a child!

Also, Kalena is our eat-anything child and Will is much pickier. 2 kids, same food offered. Some people are just picky.

[Jennie]

Kyle's SO picky. And I haven't spent one minute caring in his entire life.

[HereWeGoAJen]

Matt is just that picky as an adult. Elizabeth is a really picky child too. There is something called a super taster, where the person literally has more taste buds than most people and food just tastes much stronger to them. I am convinced that Matt is one and probably Elizabeth too. But oddly, he won't let me dye his tongue and count his taste buds to confirm. Weirdo.

[BigP's Heather]

Thank you for this post. I am starring it in my reader. K is super picky and it has always bothered me. It shouldn't, and I see that now. This was a huge Ah-Ha moment for me!! BigP is picky and it always bothered me too. I've convinced him to try a few things and he enjoyed them so I guess I feel like if you don't try things you miss out on great things. I don't want them to miss out. But it is their choice and I need to back off I guess. Thank you!!!

[Beth]

Yes, yes, yes. I have always been picky. Never eat salads, even though I may like the taste of all the items individually, it is a texture thing for me. It triggers my gag reflex so I avoid things.

I have definitely gotten better as I got older, especially once I moved away from home. Hearing the adults in my family keep asking me to try stuff had the opposite effect. Still makes me mad as a 30-something to have my dad push me to eat lettuce and tomato on my burger.

She'll be fine! I admire your willingness to step back and go with it. She's a lucky girl :)

[alison]

I laugh because I think we're raising the other-gendered-version of the exact same people. B is fairly picky - maybe not quite as much as Claire, but he has reached the age of being Very Demanding. We don't make him a second meal, we're in the "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit" camp, but zomg the whiiiining over having (!) to eat 2 bites of steak instead of chicken nuggets for the 423rd time this week. The child would live off of chicken nuggets and mac and cheese if we let him. He does ok with green beans and corn, so whatever, if that's all he ever eats. I grew up on macaroni and cheese and chicken pot pies, and I'm so not picky now. Claire will grow out of it, or she won't, who cares, she's obviously not wasting away.

And yes, Jude and Charlotte. If you put a concrete block down on Jude's tray, or even a pad of paper, he'd be like YUMMY! He will eat anything, gladly.

[K]

Food is a weird thing for children and adults and for others that have ideas of what *those* children and adults should be eating. Unfortunately, everyone has opinions on this.

And while I didn't think I was very food-weird with Ezra, having Iris and all her food/mouth/whatnot has really forced me to slow my roll and take it all in stride. It's probably a good thing.

[Jen]

oh THIS. Maggie. YES. Cheese, bread, yogurt, strawberries, noodles, sometimes chicken nuggets. Maybe a carrot, if the sun isn't shining too brightly or the wind isn't too strong.

We go back and forth between caring and not caring. She's 5 and slowly getting braver (she tried tacos without being asked recently and LIKED THEM OMG.) but I definitely think she's just a picky eater. Audrey is less picky for sure- but she is in the toddler Food Throwing stage now so whatever. They are both healthy and growing and smart and I just don't have the energy most days.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I am a terribly picky eater, always have been. But I still eat a LOT of things. And I remember the horror that was Family Dinner where I'd be stuck at the table for hours because I hadn't tried something or hadn't eaten something else. It was awful. I think your approach is AWESOME. She will probably eat more foods as she gets older. And if not (one of my SILs won't eat fish and the other eats pretty much beef, chicken, cheese, and potatoes), she will still be just fine.

[Laura Diniwilk]

I love your approach. My girls are both beast eaters, but my nephew is picky and my SIL makes him clear his plate before letting him have dessert. Even if it takes 3 hours and he gags and vomits. Birthdays are pretty fun in our family.

[Erica]

Agreed! If they are thriving, they are fine.

[Pippi]

My kids eat everything. Sardines? Check. Mussels? Check. Olives? Check Dim sum? Check (including chicken feet). As long as it's not spicy. I'll take a small amount of credit -- I exposed them to a lot of different foods and my husband and I eat a huge variety of food. But mostly I think we're just lucky. If there's ever a way to isolate, patent and sell your genes for other parents to use I think my husband and I could get rich on our non-picky eater genes. Our sleep genes however are another story...

I think you have just the right attitude for Claire. As long as it's healthy food and she's healthy it's no big deal. She's probably more likely to branch out later if there's no big fuss made about it now.

[S]

So weird. I'm reading this and a commercial for something on TV came on and started out by saying "my child is a picky eater", hah!
Anyway, this is the best post I've read on feeding kids. My parents NEVER ever made a big deal about anything we were picky about. We all have our likes and dislikes, but none of us are super picky! As the pickiest of my sisters (and I wouldn't even really call myself picky) I can assure you, no amount of time sitting at the table would have made me eat something I didn't like. You not making a big deal of this is the best approach.
My best friend has a very small list of foods she will eat (she is healthy though!) because she has major issues with food texture. She will gag or throw up if forced to eat something, and I can't imagine that would be fun for anyone involved to force someone to eat something that they will throw up!

[Jesabes]

I was a very picky eater as a child. I wouldn't even eat tomato sauce on spaghetti. I remember having a particular aversion to mushrooms.

I eventually mostly grew out of it (and looove mushrooms), but there are still a lot of things my husband will eat that I don't.

[Heather]

Ella is a picky, suspicious eater and I pack some essentials when we eat out like hummus. I didscussed it with the doctor and some kids are vegetarians and he said they would probably live longer than the rest of us. I tell my family that when they are trying to shove brisket at her. But she will tear apart dessert like she is starving.

[Erica]

Anna is like that too. I was a very, very picky eater until I was in my 20s and now I eat almost everything.

[Roberta]

Love your attitude. The only thing pushing food issues will get you is a power struggle. As long as she's healthy, who cares? SHE'S THREE. She'll try something new when she's good and ready. There are lots of things I love now that I didn't like or try until I was 13, 18, 21, 25, etc. Our palates can change & grow over our lives. There are always things I'm not going to like. She will see you, her sister, her friends, etc. eating lots of different things and she will want to try some of them someday.

[Jaida]

Agree on the super taster front. I've never actually tested myself, but I'm sure I am one (provided it's actually a real thing!) I was very selective as a child and even now as an adult, I CANNOT eat things I don't like. I did, however, develop a taste for certain foods as I got older and I have a healthy, varied diet.

I can't bring myself to insist my kids eat things they don't like. It didn't work for me and I don't expect it to work for them. I will, however, encourage them to try things again as they get older since I know how my own taste buds changed. Good for you for choosing not to die on the Food Hill.

[cheryl]

I was and am Claire. From the time I was about 4 my mother had a cabinet of foods I would eat at my level. Her rule was I make one meal, if you don't like it, here are your options. It was just fine. She wasn't a short order cook, and I got to eat what I wanted. As others have stated, it's a texture thing. I CANNOT and have never drunk milk because I can't stand the texture of it, but ice cream? just fine. Even I can't explain it.