Advent Day 6: Donate a toy to a needy child (Unexpected drama! You might want to read this one!)

As soon as Claire heard the phrase, "today we are going to buy a toy" she was all over today's activity. Even after I explained we would not be keeping the toy, she was still enthusiastic.

I told her we were going to buy a toy for someone else (two toys actually, one from her and one from Charlotte, but Claire would get to choose both of them) and then we were going to take it somewhere and put it in a box and later on a person would come get all of the toys and make sure they went to a little girl just like her, that maybe wasn't going to get any toys or presents for Christmas unless we donated one for her. 

She struggled with the idea that some kids don't have toys. I repeated that some children don't have a lot of clothes or toys and some kids don't even have enough snacks or warm coats to get from getting hungry or chilly. Her face got very sad as she mulled this over.

"Some kids don't have toys, Mommy? No toys? And how do they keep from getting chilly without a jacket?? And what happens when they get HUNGRY?"

(I think we're going to make our volunteer activity something with the local food bank. Still working on that one.) I was really surprised at how she seemed to get the idea, in very simple terms, that some people don't have things that they might want and need. Not everybody has everything and she seemed to have a great deal of empathy, for a three-year-old.

I considered ordering our donation toys online and just doing the drop-off with her, but I knew it would be important for Claire to pick out something SHE liked and physically put it in the box herself. We went to Target after lunch and she was pretty jazzed about the whole thing.

"We are going to pick a toy and doooo-nate it! It will be for a little girl that doesn't have a lot of toys."

She quickly chose a set of ring stackers as a gift from Charlotte. In the bigger kid toy section she hemmed and hawed for a long while. I suggested: a doll house, a doll house farm, a Tinkerbell doll (Claire LOVES Tinkerbell right now), a doctor kit, a vet kit, blocks, various games and baby dolls. Each was considered and rejected. She was taking it really seriously. She finally settled on a Play-Doh set that had about a dozen colors and a bunch of Play-Doh accessories. I thought it was a good choice because a boy or girl of almost any age would enjoy it and you don't need anything special to play with it beyond what's in the box.

Claire proudly told the cashier we were buying the toys for another little girl. The cashier asked if it was for a birthday party and Claire said "No,we are going to donate them!" My heart beamed. She invited the cashier to our house to look at our Christmas tree. (The cashier wisely declined.) (Although, my tree does look pretty spectacular.)

In the car Claire was quick to ask where we were going to donate the toys.

"Where is the box?! I want to go donate them today! Oh! Mom! I have an idea! Maybe we can just leave the toy in the street and the guy will come pick it up for the kids that way. Or maybe the sidewalk? We should probably just leave the toy on the sidewalk." (She can't be a genius all the time.)

I had to do a bit of internet sleuthing to find a Toys for Tots donation box. There are some other donation spots around here (Salvation Army, local charities) but I really wanted to stick to Toys for Tots because of their Marine Corps connection and it's who I've donated with before and I just LIKE them. We drove a little bit beyond Target to a local mall where a Toys for Tots donation point is at the Build-a-Bear shop. Fine.

We find Build-a-Bear and Claire proudly and happily puts her toys in the box. We're done! We donated toys to needy children, she did it all on her own, hooray! We both feel really happy about this.

And then.

THEN.

I turned away and started walking. The baby started doing something weird so I paused to fix it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman and her daughter approach the box.

"Oh! they're going to donate a toy too! I'll show Claire how other people donate as well!" 

The woman looked in the box and sort of walked around it. She put her arm in and moved some toys around.

"What in the hell is she doing? Is she trying to see what kind of toys people donate? Is she....getting ideas of what to buy?"

No. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. NOOOOOOOO.

After pilfering through the toys for a few moments, she picked one out, gave it to her daughter and casually walked away.

I was stunned. Shocked. Horrified! That lady just...stole a toy! From the donation box for needy children! SHE FLAT OUT STOLE A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR A KID.

I managed to stutter out, "Hey! Those toys are donations! They're for needy kids!"

But she walked away and didn't offer any recognition to what I said. She didn't even hustle, actually, she just turned around and sauntered off rather lazily with her daughter in tow, toy in hand. The mall on Monday at 2pm is a lonely place. There were no other shoppers to witness it and be outraged, few store clerks and certainly no mall cops or real cops. Completely stunned into silence (rare for me), I let her walk away after my outburst. (Also, my kids were getting restless.) The whole thing probably took no more than a minute.

The thing is, I hear a lot about how donation boxes or the Salvation Army kettle are often pilfered from by the people that attend to them, but I don't hear about horrible people that straight up STEAL TOYS FOR KIDS OUT OF THE BOX. I'm going to make a blanket judgement based on her appearance, but she didn't LOOK like a person that needed to steal a toy to give her child a happy Christmas, which makes it even more strange and disconcerting. It certainly wasn't a Christmas gift since she put it into her daughter's waiting arms right then and there. It appeared to be an act of utter selfishness and entitlement and just....shitty human behavior. She was so sure and confident. Deft and unaffected. (As if she'd done it before...)

I wasn't so much steaming mad as completely disturbed that a person would do that, would feel like it was okay or something she could simply get away with.

Then I felt shitty about MY donation. Like someone was probably just going to STEAL it and it won't even get to a child that really needs it this year and ugh, people. They suck. THEY SUCK. And it was very obviously Toys for Tots. It did not look like the dollar bin or clearance bin or anything. (Which, not an excuse as it would STILL BE STEALING OMG.) I keep trying to think of ways that she was confused about the purpose of the box and the toys within and I just can't invent something plausible that makes it okay. (Probably because it wasn't okay and she's actually just a terrible person.)

That is how "Day 6 of Advent, Donate a toy to a needy child," turned into "I have no faith in people to do the right thing, even when doing the right thing requires no action."

***

As irate as that woman at the mall probably makes you, let's switch gears and talk about a kind thing that didn't go awry. A kind thing that is a wonderful thing.

My dear friend Manda is doing something amazing. She has raised more than $1,000 since last Friday, (yes, in just a few days!). The money is destined to provide clean water for people living in Africa. It costs $50 to provide clean water to someone in Africa for the rest of their life. THE REST OF THEIR LIFE. She is running a marathon and a half marathon to raise money to provide water.

I am not running because I'm one of those Runner Moms. You know the ones. You see photos of them on their blogs balancing small babies on their chiseled bodies with medals around their necks. You see their Facebook updates about the "Awesome, amazing, easy ten-miler" they did at 5 am! WHEE!

No.

This is not me.

I am the slobby mom who barely showers. Who barely keeps the house moving forward. Who is constantly lost in the swamp of dirty bathrooms and laundry and keeping kids from hurting themselves by flinging themselves head first off of the couch (I am looking at YOU, Sydney). I am the mom who runs errands constantly while her three-year-old is at preschool. Who barely makes it to pick her kid up on time and runs right back out again or home to vacuum or cook dinner. I can't keep up with it all. And now I'm adding RUNNING MILES to the mix? DUDE. Clearly I have issues.

And yet when I lace up my shoes and push the jogging stroller a sad three miles while grunting and groaning most of the way? I wonder why it took me so long to just buck up and DO IT. I spend the first fifteen minutes of each run practically yelling at myself about how freaking NOT HARD this really is. That it's ok for me to take the time to do something that ... just takes up time. That the laundry can wait. And the floors? They are just going to get dirty again. And when I run there is a payoff, see. And it's not just that I'll be able to run a 13.1 mile race and then a 26.2 mile race (OUCH) without looking like a total idiot. If I run these races? It might change someone's life. I'm not just going to meet my own goals ... there will be a provision for someone else.

The thing is, I need help. I will run the miles. I will push the stroller and I will pray for Peter Paulo in Tanzania and Kareman in Kenya. But I need people to journey with me. I need you to pray for me as I struggle through each mile and I need you to pray for these people who literally have nothing, not even clean water to drink. I need you to join with me as sponsors. My goals are this: To personally raise $655 for the half marathon and $1300 for the full marathon.

Manda is one of the kindest, most generous and most determined people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting because of this website. She will run those miles and she will change lives because of it, I'm certain.

If you have some money earmarked for donations this holiday season, please consider contributing towards her goal and providing such a simple, necessary, life-changing thing to someone who desperately needs it. It's so easy to not think about people in other countries. But the truth is that Africans are proportionally more likely to get malaria and contract HIV. They are victim to unspeakable crimes and most don't ever (ever!) have the simple necessity of clean water. And because they are far away and not in our faces, it is our privilege to not consider and experience these awful facts of life each day, as they do. I lived in Kenya for a year and I can verify what you suspect: The continent is an enormous mass of problems that we can't solve with blog posts. We just can't. But maybe we can solve some problems, for some people. That's something important, too.

I get it, though. To try to change Africa is an impossible goal. Impossible! Why bother trying? It's easier and more personally fulfilling to contribute to small scale projects, to things that make an individual impact, where you can see how your money was used to make a difference and improve a life. I did that today: I bought two toys and I donated them so that two children would have a better Christmas and I (selfishly?) wanted my daughter to experience the tangible act of giving. 

Two birds with one stone: Contribute to Manda's races and know that you're helping her reach a goal. Sponsor her Team World Vision races and know that you're providing clean water to someone far away. World Vision gets four stars from Charity Navigator and the money never touches Manda's hands - it goes directly to World Vision on her behalf. Donate and read more about Manda here.

That lady at the mall today, stealing the toy? She sucks. Let's do something nice, together.

Comments

[Jesabes]

This makes me feel sick. Those Toys for Tots bins have always made me nervous. All that stuff, just...sitting out. But I always pictured some theif trying to make off with the whole bin and probably getting caught, not someone who has their child WITH THEM teaching said child it's okay to STEAL. Ugh.

Makes me feel good about my clean water donation, though! Manda is amazing.

(P.S. I'm making the almond sugar cookies right now!)

[HereWeGoAJen]

I'm so incredibly insulted by this woman that I cannot even think of what to say. However, what I AM going to do is move our Toys for Tots donation up (I was going to do it later this month) so that I can give it directly to the woman from our moms club that is taking the donations because she will take them directly to Toys for Tots and not stick them in a box somewhere. I will make sure that our toy is safe!

[Elsha]

I am seriously appalled by that woman! How can she think that's okay? And now her daughter is going to grow up thinking that crap is okay. It's horrible.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

That woman's actions make me feel sick. Human behavior can be so devastating sometimes.

But I'm so glad you wrote about Manda's kindness. What a wonderful goal, and what a great way to raise awareness in addition to money.

[Anne]

I saw this on Twitter yesterday, so I already knew the story, but I am STILL SO ANGRY. I wish there was a way to hunt that woman down and aim all our internet rage at her. It just feels so HELPLESS to not be able to do anything. I hope karma bites her in the rear over this. She's teaching her child to be a bad person, too, which is just heartbreaking. ARRRG.

[Karen]

I hate people like that woman. And I don't like using the word hate, not one bit, but her actions warrant it. And I'd like to think I would have followed her and harangued her, but I'd be scared she would get all in my face and things would get slappy, and with kids in tow that's something I'd avoid.

But if my husband were with me? Oooh boy, he'd get in that lady's face.

Shout out to anybody who thinks pilfering from toy donations boxes is fine and dandy: YOU SUCK.

[Holly]

This is why I never put the toys in the box. I always figured this kind of thing happened, even though I've never witnessed it. Maybe I have no faith in humanity? I only donate the toys/food to actual people who collect them, rather than unmanned stations. Sigh.

[Manda]

A'Dell. This POST. First there's this horrible thing that happened with the lady at the mall. I wondered to myself what I would have done if I'd been there. I am just so shocked that anyone could do such a thing ... I keep wondering if perhaps she was taking back a gift she previously deposited? I HOPE? Uh. Just terrible.
And then? I am so blessed by the second half of this post. Thank you so much for sharing what I'm doing on your blog! Your vote of approval means the world to me, as you are one of the most discerning people I know. And THANK YOU for pointing out World Vision's rank on Charity Navigator. One of the things I love the most about World Vision's work is that their overhead is really low. 85 cents on the dollar makes it to the field. It's awesome!
I am so thankful for your friendship and your support. I am so excited about what's happening through this project!

[Erin]

@Manda -- even if she WAS taking back a gift she'd previously donated ... why would you do that? Why would you donate something, then go back and take it back out again? I mean, I HOPE that's what she was doing, because it's the only explanation that doesn't make me feel like throwing up, but my goodness, I can't for the life of me think why she'd be doing that.

[Pippi]

Wow. She just taught her child that's it's acceptable to steal from charity. Wow.

[Pippi]

On a slightly different note -- would you write more about your plan to volunteer with Claire? It's something I've wanted to do with my 4-year-old but I struggle with how I can make it a meaningful, not-too-scary experience for her while also juggling my toddler. So far I've been putting it off until she's a bit older but at the same time I want her to understand the value of donating time and attention, not just money and toys. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[kb]

The mother is misleading her innocent child. She is teaching her child that it is okay to take what is not yours. There are places for a mom and people like like that.

[Mel]

I am so sad to hear this. And sadder to realize that these types of actions are more prevalent in our world than we realize. These people need prayer, we can only hope their hearts will be changed so the world, too, can be changed.

I've slowly begun to figure out I prefer charitible giving and helping that directly involves the people that are being helped. Instead of just giving clothes to the SA or leaving them in a drop box somewhere, I actively seek out someone I know who needs stuff and find a way to get it to them directly (even if through someone they are more comfortable receiving them from). And I agree that Toys for Tots is quite possibly the bet Christmas charity out there... and will make it a point to put the toy IN THE HANDS of a marine in the future because of your story.

Bless you for showing your child one of the most important parts of Christmas!!!!