On being a grown-up

I am not sure when it happened but sometime in the past few years I stumbled into a stunningly adult part of my life where shit starts to go wrong. You know the part I'm talking about, right? Where you have these pristinely awful Adult Type Problems that simply were not even on the radar as something that was actually POSSIBLE a few years ago?

For example, friends getting divorced. Man, that sucks. Suddenly I am at the part of my life where my friends get divorced (not in large numbers or anything, but it happens). You think you know people and BAM! You do not. Now, I don't wish to delve into the why or the how of my friends getting divorced because, frankly, that is all their business and totally none of mine. The part that I find sucky is the dissolution of a marriage that was once a source of happiness to me. (Yes, right now I am making other people's divorces about me, what of it?) I will not boldly assume that anyone's marriage was once a source of happiness to them, but I hope it was, at some point. Anyway, I thought I had these friends that seemed happy and I enjoyed their happiness, as you do when people you love are happy and SMACK! Reality check.

Also, bad things happening to kids. No longer am I in the sunny period where my friends aren't even married yet or don't have children. You know, The Days Where Bad Things Happened to OTHER PEOPLE'S Kids? But, bad things happen to my friend's kids now. Fingers get chopped off, they get sick and die, they get in accidents and die, they have potentially fatal allergies, they get in car accidents, they are victims of medical malpractice, they get bullied at school, they bonk their heads, etc, etc, etc. Aghhhhhh. I cannot abide bad things happening to the children in my life. (This also means bad things might happen to MY children and....no. No no no no no no no.)

And, taxes. I remember when I could file my return in twenty minutes with good old 1040EZ. You know, back when I didn't actually PAY any taxes because I made so little money? Yes, those were the days. Now that I actually pay taxes (as everyone should, no matter their income level) I find that I think about how I can pay less in taxes all the time. Really, you say that XYZ is tax deductible? This makes it more attractive to me. What? If I order from Amazon I don't have to pay sales tax? Add to cart. I pay someone else to do my taxes these days, which is also Very Adult. I have found that once you leave 1040EZ behind and you have a Journalism degree, you have no business doing your own taxes. At least, I don't. You might. But, not me. A very nice man named Keith does my taxes.

When a pet dies. That reallllly sucks. (I still find myself having idle thoughts about, "Where is Jake?")

For all the crap things there are some parts about being an adult that I quite enjoy. Drinking is pretty high on the list. Oh, how I enjoy me some booze. It is still thrilling for me to walk into a liquor store and buy whatever I want or go to a restaurant and order a beer. I still register delight when they actually bring it to me. The day after my twenty-first birthday was the first day of the rest of my life and I don't think that's a bad thing AT ALL.

I also like not sharing a bathroom with my brother any more. Man, those years sucked. I'm glad to be an adult and have my own bathroom I do not have to share with my brother.

Other things I enjoy about being an adult: buying whatever I want at the grocery store, leaving my clothes on the floor of my closet (oh, wait, I did that as a young person too), not having to do homework. (The knowledge that I will never have to do homework ever again is a very, very happy thought to me. Oh, I hated homework and tests and classes. Blech.) 

I would say voting gives me a lot of joy but voting is really kind of a pain in the ass. (When can we just email our choice? Seriously, it is 2011.) I like the idea that only an adult and mature person can vote and I enjoy the privilege of voting, but the actual act leaves a lot to be desired what with the parking and the lines and the surly people checking my ID and the electronic machine that was designed by a fourth-grader. It's all very...clumsy.

I also enjoy giving other people's kids stern looks or short phrases that let them know that I am a Mommy and a Grown-Up and I? I do not approve of the current behavior, young man/lady. You are not getting away with that just because your mom isn't paying attention right now. Ohhhh, that's very satisfying. Like, when we're at Chick-fil-A and some kid is hassling Claire or pushing her? I have no problem going into that playground, looking directly at said child and saying, "Hitting is wrong. Stop hitting her. I am going to go talk to your mother now and see what she thinks about this." BAM! I AM GOING TO TALK TO YOUR MOM. TAKE THAT, BOSSY KID.

Hrmmm. That might be it. Is there something I've missed? What do you love or hate about being an adult? I bet you guys have good thoughts.

Oh! One more thing I like: Being in charge of when we stop for milkshakes. It is awesome to just stop at Sonic and order a milkshake whenever I want to. Claire I share a milkshake about once a week and whenever I announce that today is a day we are stopping for a milkshake her eyes get really big and I can tell that I've just blown her mind. Milkshake Control is definitely a pretty decent part of being an adult.

Comments

[Dr. Maureen]

I made the same point once, only with doughnuts. I can stop for a doughnut any time I want to. No more do I have to beg my father from the backseat on the way home from church. Sometimes I even get doughnuts on WEEKDAYS.

[Lindsay]

I like that I can eat whatever I want for dinner. Bowl of cereal? Ok. Beer and ice cream? Not a good idea, but still allowed.

A friend's marriage is sucking and it's ridiculously upsetting to me. The craziest thing is that I can't figure out my stance, other than wanting what's best, but not having a clue what that is and feeling helpless. I'm just really sad for them and yeah that's something I didn't think about before.

And to end on a real downer, uhh the Amazon/online purchasing gravy train may come to a stop one day. Where I live, enforcement of use tax is becoming all the rage because of this digital world we live in (although as you point out, we still need to do pain in the ass things like voting, in person. Ugh.)

[meghan]

Friends getting divorced just sucks. Although on a positive note it does make me appreciate my own hubby a little bit more. So I guess some good comes out of someone elses suckiness.

Today I ate WAAAYYYY to many oreos...that's definitely a delicious grown up perk

[Jessica]

I may be a grown-up, but I'm still a nerd. I LOVE doing my taxes (well, except for the fact I have to pay them). Also, I'm sad about the fact I'll never be in school again. I love taking classes and even doing homework. (Though I obviously don't like EVERY kind of homework). I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind bringing work home from the office.

[HereWeGoAJen]

I can eat cookies for breakfast. It is fabulous. And sometimes I call my mom and tell her I just ate cookies for breakfast HAH MOTHER.

(Also, I vote by mail. Almost as good as emailing. No line and you can look up stuff that you've never heard of before.)

I also like being in charge. It's just another thing like stopping for a milkshake, but I like saying when we come and when we go and no one can make me clean my room when I feel like reading a book. (However, I have learned that if I don't clean my room, no one else does it for me ever, which is sad.)

[Holly]

I distinctly remember sitting in rush hour traffic shortly after getting my first 'real' job, and having the realization that "WHOA, I'm sitting in traffic. Like an adult. I'm an ADULT."

But the eating whatever I want, whenever I want is totally my favorite perk.

[Lauren]

Oh, the taxes. I can't complain, really, because David always did ours. Until last year, when they got so seriously complicated that we had to hire an accountant. We have to pay taxes in a bunch of different states and countries where David's firm has an office, and we have to pay them four times a year. And because he's a partner, there's no withholding; we have to set the money aside ourselves and write big, ugly checks.

And (no surprise), I am with you on the idea that everyone with an income should pay something--even a very, very small something. I think some level of progressive taxation is fair and right, but it completely kills me that nearly half of U.S. households ultimately pay NO federal tax at all. Someone out there needs to explain to me why my family isn't paying our "fair share" (seriously, you should SEE the ugly checks we write!) when 50% of the country pays NOTHING.

(Taking a deep breath and getting off my soapbox now.)

[natalie]

I love the milkshake control, that's a good one!

I hate when crap around my house breaks. I don't know how to fix any of it....

[Wendy Watkins]

This might be more of parent thing, but it feels very adult-like and awful to have to be the stiff upper lip when you get atrocious news in front of your child. Or when you have to tell your child her beloved (and MY beloved) cat is dying. Now I have to be the strong arms of comfort when inside I'm a crumbly mess who wants my daddy to tell me it's all okay.

I like getting to decide who I want to hang out with and who I'll be calling on the phone. No more Mom telling me to play with the weird kids and be nice because they are her friend's kids. No more Mom telling me to call the distant relative I've never met and thank her for the birthday card. (This sort of thing happened frequently when I was like 8.)

Also, Cap'n Crunch for dinner and ice cream for breakfast is a nice perk of grown-uppiness.

[Maura]

One of the parts I thought would be fun as a kids was staying up as late as I want. Now I'm yearning for bed at 9:30. Adulthood is not all it's cracked up to be.

Yes, divorce sucks for everyone. The families and the friends. But it sucks the most for the people getting divorced. I saw how my divorce affected my family and my family's relationship with me and I just wanted to scream (and did a time or two) it's NOT ABOUT YOU. It's about me and my ex-husband and I'm sorry you liked him, but seriously? Don't take it out on me. I'm going through enough as it is.

It's been nearly 2 years and I'm still not over how some people acted during MY divorce. (I'm not criticizing anyone who posted here or A'Dell either. Just, ah, venting my experience.)

[Jen]

Milkshake Control wins the day, for sure :)

I also love how you laid the smack down on the Chickfila kid. BAM. That stuff drives me mad. WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER, KID??

[obabe]

death. in the past year we have had to attend more funerals of close friends parents and grandparents than i ever wanted to. something about being there, comforting your friend who just lost her dad makes you feel way more grown up than ever before.

but cheetos and ice cream for dinner? is a nice perk of being the grown up.

[RockyCat]

Hate: Having to make the Tough Decisions.

Love: Driving. Wherever I want to go, when I want.

[Manda]

It IS kind of awesome to go to the grocery and buy WHATEVER I want! I agree with most of this list. Especially the death and taxes parts and divorce parts. I used to think that my life was just worse than other people's ... then I realized that I was way too sheltered as a kid (I had no idea that my parents ever fought or had bills to pay! And then! Surprise! One day they split up and we had NO CLUE it was coming. DUDE. I am so going to "be real" around my kids. Not because I don't want them to be shocked when we divorce one day (HA! my husband is NEVER GETTING AWAY) but because I don't want them to be surprised one day that adults have, I don't know, RESPONSIBILITIES and problems like everyone else. And being a kid is freaking awesome and they'd better enjoy it while it lasts. Milkshake day is SWEET!)

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I love this. Well, I agree that the Bad Stuff of being an adult sucks. Especially taxes. Blech.

But the good stuff is good. And surprising. For instance, I HATE being called ma'am. But I love being able to say to the teenage grocery bagger, "Please put the strawberries on TOP of the canned tomatoes." And them having to listen to my hard-won bagging wisdom.

[beth]

A lovely man named Carl takes all my bits and pieces of paper and magically turns them into beautiful returns with neatly placed staples and absolutely straight highlighter. He's quite anal. And I'm happy to pay for it.
Also. Totally enjoying a Sonic chocolate malt, right this very second. Mmmm.

[K]

I really like not brushing my teeth or showering right away. I'll be manky if I want.

TAKE THAT!

[KLTTX]

Hate: Having to pay someone $600 to do our taxes every year - ouch! Parent dying - that super sucks!!!

Love: Wearing my pjs all day on Saturday.

[craftyashley]

Well, you still have to share your bathroom with a boy. So it's a boy you married, but still. I want my very own bathroom. Do they make master bedrooms with two attached bathrooms? I WOULD BUY THAT.

[Elsha]

Love: No one but my husband to judge my trashy TV choices. And really, he doesn't care. Also, being in charge of when we get to do the fun stuff-- like go to the park, or the dinosaur museum.

Totally unrelated, I heard that country song the other day where the guy is singing about his dog and says, "if I die before I wake, feed Jake." Made me think of you guys missing your sweet Jake.

[Shilo]

I love that if I see some ridiculous sparkly item of clothing in the shop I can just buy it. I can't tell you the last time I went to a cocktail party but I have four cocktail dresses dammit.

I also love playing with makeup, eating leftovers without plating and heating them, and leaving chores for later.

I also REALLY love that I found and married the man of my 12-year-old self's dreams and he's WAY better (and more real thus flawed) than I imagined back then. Even if this means he is a turkey on occasion.

Don't love how much more fragile adult relationships are than kids relationships - friends, family and loves alike. It's so much more difficult for adults to own their actions when no parent is forcing them (read:sometimes me) to do so. I have definitely had moments where I had to mom myself into apologizing to my husband for some needlessly bitchy comment or apologize to a friend for a insensitive action. Blah.

[Robyn]

Most favorite adult thing: picking and planning the vacation I want

And not to burst your bubble - but homework will find its way back to you when the girls are in school. I couldn't believe the amount of homework my son had in K or the amount of work it took to get him to finish it!

[Pippi]

LOVE: Being in charge of food. Sure, that means a lot of work, too, but I like having the control.

HATE: Going home to visit my parents and having to tell my mother my dad is an alcoholic and needs help. And then researching treatment options with my sister. And thinking of excuses to keep my dad from holding the baby while he's drunk. This is definitely the suckiest part of being a grown-up so far.

[Nicole]

I am an accountant, so I LOVE doing taxes!

I also love that I can buy whatever I want at the grocery store.

I can also send my overly fantastic husband back to a different grocery store just to buy the most wonderful cookies, baked fresh every day.

Oh, on the homework, more than likely, we will all have to help our kids with theirs, so it is not over yet! That is what makes grandkids even better.

[beth]

Laughed and thought of you today as I reprimanded a college boy acting the fool in line at the grocery store.