Life goes on

I have noticed that I don't seem to have much time for enjoying the baby.

Wait, that sounds awful. I do enjoy the baby, most definitely, but there has been none of the hibernation at home for several weeks with baby ogling and worshipping that happened with Claire. The whole baby thing seems so routine and common, which sounds AWFUL and like Charlotte isn't special when she obviously is, but the existence of a new person and all of the chores and disruption that go with it are definitely old hat to us. Didn't sleep much last night? Yeah, well, she's 4 weeks old, we expected that.

There are still all of the lovely things that come with a new baby, like the way their heads smell and their teeny hands and the gassy smiles that make your heart flip, but they're not NEW. Perhaps it is because we knew what to expect and we are somewhat better equipped to handle it a second time around, but life does not seem to bring as many shocking new developments every day. (Dear Four-Month Sleep Regression: You will not catch me by surprise this time. I know you're out there and I'm ready.) Even though all of the things that she does are wonderful and every moment of her infancy is cherished, life goes on. There is a lot of noise that surrounds her special-ness and it's difficult for me to sometimes stop and observe and make a memory. There is none of the time standing still that happened the first time. I think it is probably classic Second Child Syndrome. (Sorry, Charlotte.)

The dog is sick and it's very upsetting but we have to eat and play and do laundry and even though the dog is pathetic and it's sad to think about what might happen to him next week, there are two small humans to care for and...life goes on. There are art projects to complete and goldfish to pass out and diapers to change.

The baby was up a lot last night and took forever to calm after she ate at 11, 1, 3 and 5 and both adults hardly slept but Claire will be up at 7 (when her clock turns green) and Chris must go to work at a reasonably early hour and the dog wants to go outside and...life goes on. There will be no sleeping in and snuggling in bed with the baby until 9 am.

Claire is being awful one afternoon and she throws a train at me and I send her to her room, where she falls asleep, which totally screws up my plans for the day but I won't complain about a nap without a fight, so whatever. The baby, on the other hand, will NOT nap and requires massive amounts of jostling and constant contact with me for FOUR HOURS, but in the meantime there are important phone calls about health insurance claims to return and bills to find stamps for and various other deadlines that have to do with the daily running of a household and...life must go on. I jostle her while speaking to someone at United Health Care and I am deeply embarassed when I am That Mom with a crying baby while trying to make an Official Phone Call.

With Claire, we turned our lives upside down to fit her in. Maybe even upside-down, inside-out and topsy-turvy. Everything revolved around her and we changed so many parts of our lives to accomodate her needs. But with Charlotte it's the exact opposite. Charlotte is being fit into all of these other things we have going on. We seem to have already made most of the correct allowances for babies. (Which, I would hope so as we already did this once.) She's a priority, but she's not the sole priority. (Our other priority speaks English fairly decently and, well, you know what they say about squeaky wheels.)

With Claire there was a total work stoppage for 14 weeks on my part. I often did nothing but stare at her for hours and hours. I had no other responsibilites! I could do that! With Charlotte, the moment she is asleep there is someone else pulling at my attention. If Charlotte is happy in her bouncy seat I am far less inclined to stare at her or chatter at her when I have Claire to divide my attention with. And then there is the fact that I KNOW Claire. Claire is funny and kind and full or wonder. It's so much more fun to hide under a blanket with her and play pretend games than sit next to a bouncy seat and stare at non-talking, non-imaginative, wide-eyed Charlotte. (No offense, Charlotte! I know you've got it in you, but just not quite yet!) I do stare at her but I mostly limit myself to a few minutes rather than entire half days. The moment I realize that I'm shifting my attention from her I feel guilty for not soaking up the baby-ness more. Baby-ness is special and, more urgently, RAPIDLY FLEETING.

The daily feeding, watering and general care of two small humans is not relaxing or simple or easy. It is often fun and delightful but just as often it's not, which is not different from any other job or task that someone has to perform every day, but it's just kind of a reality check versus the dreamy, sunflare version I sometimes imagined life would be like with two. It is definitely more difficult than one, tougher than the first time, and different in ways that are not within my vocabulary to describe. It's just...there is no luxuriously slow and idyllic babymoon period going on here.

In the middle of fighting about Cheez-its for the tenth time in a morning, I have noticed that I need to force myself to remember that life goes on. It won't always be like this so I really do need to stop when I can and blow raspberries on this sweet belly before she starting fighting with me about Cheez-its too.

Because, really. It will be a shame when there is no more baby belly to zerbert whenever I want.

Charlotte is one month old today. I know. HOW?

Comments

[Vanessa Napolitano]

You don't have to turn your life upside down to fit her in because your life is already upside down. So, she can fit right in just nicely. She's a cutie!

[Erica]

I love this so much because this is exactly what I want with a second. Not to mention I want a second girl. God smite me down for saying it. But really, it's perfect. I wish I could have been more "normal" with the first. I love it. You are doing it the right way IMHO. Also, Anna also wakes up at 7 when her clock turns green. Bless the clock.

[Holly]

I totally can see how this would happen. I'm already imagining how life would be with two - no more letting baby #2 nap peacefully at home when #1 is going to want to go to the park etc. I think second babies are much more flexible like that anyway. My MIL swears #3 seemed to 'know' there were other kids around that needed care too, and was a lot more easy going and flexible than #2 and DEFINITELY more so than high maintenance #1.

[K]

You have put succinctly everything I have felt about having two children. Why I thought I could compare it to having one baby is beyond me.

I certainly wouldn't send anyone back to the farm because of it, but I wish I'd gone in knowing that two small people is going to be harder and also more delightful than one small person, but in totally different ways.

Plus a baby and a toddler? Sweet baby jesus. That nonsense is no joke.

[Elsha]

This is exactly how it is with two. Just remember to take lots of pictures! Because that baby belly is just too adorable not to document.

[Dawn K.]

Perfectly put. I feel this even more so, because my first born child is not the first in the household...I have an 8 year-old step daughter. I sometimes really feel like Eleanor has the second child syndrome, and sometimes I personally feel a bit jealous that I missed out on ever having a 'true' first child.

The love that exists at the end of the day in our house though, is totally worth it. The first lap Eleanor wants to sit in upon returning home is her sister's. The easiest way to a giggle fit is for Allison to sing a silly song and dance. I remember these moments as the baby book sits completely empty.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

A month old already - oh my! And such a precious little cutie.

[Mel]

I've kinda already envisioned my life breaking in to bits, crashing and burning to unrecognizable smitherenes as the second one joins us. I think I have almost an unhealthy view of it being SO AWFUL for some reason. Then maybe it will be a bit better than what I expect and I'll be pleasantly surprised? I don't know. I'm down right terrified.

I completely agree with your view on how it was with the first one! All HER all the time. I was telling my husband the other day it was as if the world stood still for a few months. And it just won't be like that this time.

But I do suppose that's why people out there get paid a ton of cash to write books about birth order and give therapy sessions about how unfair life was with siblings.

[Belly Girl]

This was just so well written and well said that I almost started crying. Don't you just LONG for those long days of staring at baby and not having to explain "whyyyy" and saying AGAIN "please, PUT YOUR SHOES ON SO WE CAN GO". That experience with the first is just so special and magical because you get to just *be* with you and the baby. I wish we could have afforded for me to have maternity leave AND take my oldest to daycare, but we couldn't. In retrospect, I wish we would have done it 1 or 2 days a week, I think everyone would have benefited.

This doesn't make anything about baby #2 less special and awesome and magical...just lamenting that you can't experience that bonding the same as you had with the first. But with the added bonus of not being out of your head insane with all the first-worry that you have.

[Jessica]

Thank you!! I've been really wondering what it will be like with two, since the hibernation I did when Margaret was born won't work this time.

Also, I liked you mentioned its sometimes more interesting to play with Claire than to stare at Charlotte since you KNOW her already. Everybody always talks about how the first suddenly sounds so demanding and its so much easier to take care of the baby (sleep deprivation aside).

[craftyashley]

The new stuf comes when Charlotte and Claire really star interacting with each other. That's the really good stuff, too.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

I've been thinking about this post all day (I read it late last night) and wondering if it's in fact the case with us.

My early babymoon with Teddy was so fraught with difficulty - his tongue tie and feeding problems, my expressing and thrush and constant mastitis, then my Aunt Floriana's final illness and death (he was 7 weeks at her funeral). So perhaps that is clouding my recollections.

But while I had time to focus on Teddy, the fact that I know it's fleeting is causing me to have many more 'burned into my memory' snippets with Veronica. They're almost more intense since they're more concentrated. Perhaps you'll find that, too.

But be warned - the 4 month sleep regression was INSANE with Teddy. And he barely blinked at 9 months. But Veronica? EXACT OPPOSITE. I would like for her to be 10 months old yesterday, please. Everyone was right when they said kids weren't identical! Although yours do look so much alike... ;)