Part I here.
***
Once we're in the room I change into a gown and two very nice nurses attend to me. I briefly wonder if everyone merits two nurses at this fine facility or if things are just super slow at 4 am on Saturday night. (They are super slow.) One of them asks me a bunch of questions and the other takes my vitals.
The questions include gems such as:
When was your last menstrual period? (Um, shit if I know, it's been A LONG TIME.)
Have you used alcohol or recreational drugs? I ask her if she means recently? Or, ever? She means EVER. Well, I USED to drink but I haven't in about nine months.
Would I like my tubes tied? (No.)
The other nurse checks me and I'm 4 cm, -2 station and 60% effaced which I'm moderately pleased to hear. (Two days prior I was 3 cm and 50% effaced, baby had not engaged.) She tells me that she's going to get my IV started and I tell her that I'd like a hep lock instead. She seemed a bit surprised that 1) I knew what it was and 2) I asked for it. But, she doesn't give me any push back or raise an eyebrow, she just says sure, let me go get that kit. The other nurse asks me what my pain level is on a scale of 1-10. My midwife (Heather) had warned me prior that she thought that question was really unfair and kind of cruel and I just shouldn't answer it. So, I don't. I tell them that I'm doing fine and I know what pain relief options are available to me. They confirm that I don't want them offering up any pain relief again? Am I certain? I say yes and they're cool with that and nobody ever bothers me about my pain level, which is nice as it takes the focus off it.
All this time I am having contractions but they're not very hurty and they're actually quite manageable, though definitely uncomfortable. I am walking around the room and swaying my hips, trying to get this baby to move down and also to turn the proper way. It's about 5 am and I'm doing fine, I'm even a little bit BORED, and I can tell that Chris is just DYING from exhaustion and hunger (he doesn't get the adrenaline boost I do). I tell him to go find the cafeteria and get some coffee and something to eat. Turns out nothing will be open for a while, but one of our nurses brings him some coffee (so nice!). It's really good coffee, so he's fine with that. When the Subway in the hospital (!) opens, because he is desperate he goes and gets one of the breakfast sandwiches. He says it was kind of gross but it filled him up, so whatever. For some reason, we haven't packed any snacks and this is very unlike us.
In the meantime, I ask for a ball to sit on (a real, adult-sized one) and they bring it to me. My midwife comes about 845 am and we chat a bit about how the night went and she's encouraging and interested in my story. I'm really glad to see her and also glad she's a familiar face I trust. I find as the entire day progresses I am very, very glad that Heather is there for exactly those reasons. She checks me and now I'm 5 cm and 80% effaced, with the baby at -2 station. So, good progress! I feel kind of kick ass. The baby is moving downward and all of the walking and bouncing I'm doing is helpful. I haven't spent a single contraction in the bed yet, which she tells me is great and this kind of movement is exactly what I should be doing.
I am still smiling and both my nurse, Lyndse (rather unfortunate spelling, don't you think?), and Heather are impressed with my demeanor at this point. But honestly, it just didn't hurt that much. I mean, obviously the contractions were painful but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle and it only lasted a minute and then I got a break before there was another one. I didn't take any classes or follow a method. My general attitude was to simply let the contractions come and not fight them, physically or mentally, and actually WELCOME them for the work they were doing and how close they were bringing me to meeting our baby. I'm not sure if this mindset really helped or not, but it got me through the morning pretty easily.
At 11 am I was 6 cm with the baby at -1 station. I am about to throw myself a parade since I obviously kick so much butt at being in labor. We are actually getting really bored with the whole "wait around in the hospital room all damn morning" thing. GO ME!
At noon the contractions are MUCH stronger and I have to lean against a wall to get through them and I can't talk. We're no longer bored. They're longer, more intense and more painful. I figure these contractions are doing a LOT of work. Maybe I'm an 8! Or a 9!
But, by 1pm I've only dilated an additional half centimeter to 7. Hmm. Progress seems to have slowed. In 2 hours I've only moved a half centimeter and I've been in a lot of pain for not much result. That sucks. No parade for me, I guess.
Heather says flat out, "I think you need a little help." She surmises that there's likely a reason the baby hasn't moved downward more and that I haven't dilated more. It could be the position or any one of a hundred things, but the point is there's probably a reason and we can wait it out or address it now and move things along on our own.
She'd like to start me on a light drip of Pitocin. Just hearing the word Pitocin makes my blood pressure rise, so bad was my experience with it last time. (11 hours on a Pit drip, no drugs, failed epidural.) I am very opposed to Pitocin in the sense that I know exactly how it can make me feel and I do not like it.
Here is where my relationship with Heather and my knowledge about her philosophy towards labor and delivery come into play. I never for a second thought that Heather wanted to hurry up my labor so she could go have dinner or some other ulterior motive. I thought Heather was probably right. The past two hours had been HARD and to not have any progress? That's frustrating. I asked her how much Pitocin we were talking about. Like, a teensy bit that I could tolerate? Or a moderate bit that would probably make me miserable? I am not wild about the idea of being on Pitocin without an epidural, so horrific was my prior experience. And, what if the epidural doesn't work and then I'm still on Pitocin and it's too late to backtrack and I'm stuck on this drug with no pain relief...I started to mildly panic at the thought.
Plus, I think that I could probably talk Heather into delaying the Pit. I know that if I wanted to wait it out another hour, she would agree to watch and wait. The baby looks great on the monitor and is taking the contractions well. The problem is that my contractions have slowed. They're every 6 or 7 minutes and only if I stand up. If I sit down they're more like every 12 minutes. They should be every 2 or 3 minutes. Hmmm. I am worried that if we wait to see I might end up on the Pit anyway later tonight and reach the same conclusion -- only much later in the evening rather than by dinner time.
Also? I have not had anything to eat since dinner the night before. I'm really tired at this point. I've been on my feet since about 830 the night before, walking and swaying and contracting. I haven't slept for more than 45 minutes or so. I've been in labor for about 15 hours, hardly sitting for any of it. I'm worried that since this baby is the wrong way and she's only at -1 station, that I might have to push for a while and I know that's physically demanding. If I end up in labor for 6 or 10 more hours, with transition still in front of me, I'm not sure what energy I'll have left. I don't want to fail at delivering the baby and end up in the OR for a c-section due to maternal exhaustion. I also tend to agree that a little bit of Pitocin might be helpful. There is, after all, a huge difference in going from 0 to 10 in an induction and going from 7 to 10 while already in labor. (At least, that's what I tell myself. I have no idea if that's actually true.)
In this moment I remember feeling very conflicted about the right thing to do, what I wanted to do and the easy thing to do. I wonder if the Pitocin will be manageable, if I can deliver without the epidural after all and maybe I just need a little kick to move things along. I'm worried about the epidural stalling my labor out even more, but Heather doesn't think that will happen. I'm worried about the epidural failing again, so should we bother trying? Mostly, I'm worried that it's a gateway to a c-section. Those stories seem to always start with "and then my labor slowed down." My birth plan is simple: Do not get sliced open.
I was having a really hard time weighing it all with people looking at me and after what seemed like a long time (really, it was probably only a minute) and a short chat with Chris we decide that we trust Heather. I'll do the Pitocin and I will be needing an epidural. I am no martyr. I will not put myself through that agony a second time. I hope and pray that my epidural works this time around and it was just a poorly skilled and very busy anesthesiologist last time.
I've been off monitors and off an IV all day, so things start to happen fast around us once we green-light her recommendation. They start a bag of saline and push it through me quickly. The room temperature solution (70-something) feels icy in my arm and makes me really cold. The anesthesiologist comes in and listens to my story. He's a nice guy, a funny guy, and I like him. Throughout this whole thing I feel so calm and so at ease. I'm not panicky or second guessing everyone or wondering if anything is the right decision. I feel like I've chosen the right team and the right direction.
I get my epidural and since my contractions are so far apart right now, I manage to not contract the entire time that he's placing it, which is glorious. The procedure freaks me out though, so while I am hunched over I count by 7's to distract myself. I pick a random number and count up and since I am terrible at mental math this requires a great deal of concentration and does the trick nicely. 47 plus 7 is...let's see, 54. 54 plus seven is...61.
The epidural works. I can still sort of move my legs and I can feel sensation but there is no pain. I can tell when I am contracting, but it does not hurt. It is the most impressive kind of medicine I have ever experienced in my entire life. I want to bake brownies for my anesthesiologist.
Within ten minutes I am a solid 8 and 30 minutes later a 9. Heather has me move onto my left side at this point and details are a bit fuzzy here. The baby started to turn on her way out (hooray!) and the way she was turning was incredibly painful. Even with the epidural, it was the most searing pain I've ever felt in my life. The pressure was something like bone on bone as she turned and forced her way into my pelvis at the same time. (Am really glad I had the epidural, if just for that.) A few minutes later, Heather told me to start pushing. At first I kind of forgot how to push and I kept releasing my breath, but I got the rhythm down quickly and pushed for less than 20 minutes. Chris was looking intently at me the entire time and I felt like I should look into his eyes, but I found I did better if I focused on a random spot on the beige wall in front of me. I remember feeling VERY GUILTY about this, as if we should be sharing this eye-locking moment in our marriage.
She was born face down (as she should) and they put her on my chest immediately. She was a bit purpley but she pinked up quickly. I remember feeling surprised by her, which sounds stupid, but I was. I think I kept saying, "You're here! You're here! Hello!" She was alert and cried a little, but not a lot, which at first I was concerned about. She looked exactly like Claire to me, which I was also shocked at (I don't know why). Her hair was dark and the cord was wrapped around her ankle. They left her on my chest for what felt like ages, and she looked at me with wide eyes and her mouth smacking. They weighed her (7 pounds, 15 ounces) and brought her back to me to nurse. She latched well almost immediately, which was also pleasing.
My placenta did not remain intact and there was some significant kerfuffle about that. This was another reason I was glad I'd had an epidural - so I couldn't feel any of THAT going on.
Honestly, the whole thing felt (and still feels, in retrospect) too easy. My first labor was SO HARD and SO AWFUL and SO FORCED and this one just seemed to come naturally (even with the Pitocin) and I surprised myself with my responses and behavior. This pregnancy was so difficult and this delivery was so comparatively simple.
I felt good immediately after the delivery - really good actually. I found out that my parents and Claire were in the hospital waiting to see us. We were moved to a recovery room. Claire came in and oh my goodness, she looked so anxious. I'm not sure what she thought was going to be behind that door but she knew Mommy and Daddy were there and we had been gone all day long. She jumped up into bed with me right away and I introduced her to Charlotte. She was very serious and the first thing she said was,
"Please I can hold Baby Charlotte?"
In the end, was it the experience I imagined? Not quite. I would have liked to have done the whole thing on my own, only as a sort of Kick Ass Thing I Once Did. But even still, my main objective in wanting an unmedicated labor and delivery was to simply avoid a c-section. Gold star!
I think choosing Heather made all of the difference in the world. I don't consider myself a "people person" (in the sense that I never want to make small talk with the grocery store checkout people or other randoms) and really I'm quite anti social occasionally, but once Heather appeared in my room that morning I felt SO MUCH BETTER that it was her, a person I trusted completely and had a relationship with, and not a stranger that was simply on call. If I have any more babies I will absolutely return to Heather or another midwife. The difference in tone, style and type of care was incredible.
***
I look at this picture and see the moment we became a family of four. I see the start of something big and fabulous and exciting and I want to stay in that crappy hospital bed and let the feeling linger a little while longer because I'm certain that any minute there will be an enormous flash of light and I'll be old and my babies will be grown and this lovely day, the day that my Charlotte was born, will seem like so very, very long ago.
Got a little teary at the end I must say. So happy for you and your family of 4!
Posted by: Vanessa Napolitano | May 15, 2011 at 02:44 PM
I loved reading that; pure and simple.
(I also felt like I needed A Parade after my water broke and I strolled into the ER saying, all calm and whatnot, "I'm in labor. Can I have a room, please?" It got serious later, but I was mellow then.)
Posted by: K | May 15, 2011 at 02:44 PM
Beautiful story.
Posted by: HereWeGoAJen | May 15, 2011 at 02:51 PM
A'Dell, you are such a rock star! I am so, so glad that you had a great experience this time. And in that first picture, you can TOTALLY see the similarity between Claire and Charlotte.
Hooray for babies!
Posted by: Sarah in Ottawa | May 15, 2011 at 05:37 PM
I am so happy that you had a great experience! I absolutely love your family of four.
Posted by: Raven | May 15, 2011 at 06:46 PM
What a nice story. Your family is beautiful. Claire is breathtaking, in fact. :)
Posted by: Dr. Maureen | May 15, 2011 at 07:00 PM
Oh lady, congratulations again. SO beautiful.
Posted by: Shilo | May 15, 2011 at 07:30 PM
I love that photo, and I love this story. It also makes me almost feel relieved that my decision about the Pitocin was so straightforward--in that it wasn't really a decision, because the baby wasn't tolerating the contractions well, and so it was really the only option. And I remember feeling so glad at that point to have a midwife I trusted so that when she recommended Pitocin, I knew that it really was the right thing to do. I definitely plan to go with midwives again for any future kids.
Point being, I can really relate to a lot of the feelings you're talking about here. And I'm so glad you managed to avoid being sliced open! You guys are such a lovely family of four.
Posted by: Jess | May 15, 2011 at 07:34 PM
Oh my what a lovely story. And the pictures! Seeing your older daughter hold the younger one? Such a warm and fuzzy and wonderful moment.
Welcome to the world, Charlotte!
Posted by: Life of a Doctor's Wife | May 15, 2011 at 07:37 PM
I'm glad you didn't have to have a c-section.
And I'm glad this second experience was so much better than your first.
Love the photos. You are a beautiful family!
Posted by: BigP's Heather | May 15, 2011 at 07:54 PM
With my pregnant-lady hormones, that last part made me burst into tears. I don't want my babies to grow up so fast!
P.S. Epidurals (that work) are AWESOME. And yay for not getting sliced open!
Posted by: Jessica | May 15, 2011 at 08:49 PM
Beautiful story!
Posted by: Elsha | May 15, 2011 at 08:56 PM
A wonderful story, and a wonderful family of 4!
Congratulations once again.
Posted by: Sunny | May 15, 2011 at 09:00 PM
What a blessing to have 2 such lovely little girls. Thank you for the update as well as the photos on Flickr. Those 2 angels are sisters for sure! Like my mother always said, "enjoy them while they are young"! Congratulations!
Posted by: Susan | May 15, 2011 at 11:47 PM
I'm so glad everything went so well and so closely to what your desire was. I'm also so glad the epidural worked when you needed it most and you weren't in excrutiating pain! A good anesthesiologist is really worth their weight in gold. I am actually going to see if I can PAY someone to make sure I get the same guy I had last time.
She is so beautiful and your family is so precious. I am amazed at how plugged in Claire already is! I have no idea how L will react, I can only hope for something 1/2 as good as Claire's. She looks SO CUTE in the photo of them together. And they really do look SO MUCH alike!
Enjoy your newborn!
Posted by: Mel | May 16, 2011 at 08:01 AM
Chills and laughs and love. Such a great story. I love the wanting to lock eyes but staring at the wall part. So hilarious and I know what you mean. I can't even imagine locking eyes at that moment. Bwah! Your birth was definitely gold star.
Posted by: Erica | May 16, 2011 at 12:36 PM
I love that this was such a good experience for you.
Posted by: Mama Bub | May 16, 2011 at 03:44 PM
Such a fantastic story with such a fantastic ending. So so happy for you all.
Posted by: Sara @ Belle Plaine | May 16, 2011 at 07:35 PM
Oh my goodness. Tears just sprang into my eyes at the part where Claire asks immediately to hold the baby. Wonderful story. I have no doubt that your relative relaxation and comfort with your caregivers helped make this birth seem easy. Congratulations again!
Posted by: Roberta | May 17, 2011 at 09:45 AM
Love your writing and how refreshingly honest you are about everything. Love the shot of the four of you! Congrats my rock star mom friend! :)
Posted by: Meredith | May 22, 2011 at 08:31 PM