Is it obvious that I have a lot of spare time these days? I have a lot of spare time.

I've only been on maternity leave for a week and a half, but that long of not working has been pretty sweet. It's partly because it's new and partly because Chris is such a superstar at helping me AND my Mom was here for a while too. (You guys, she FOLDED MY UNDERWEAR while I took a nap last week.)

I'm not really DOING a lot so of course it should be easy-living, but I have to say that the best part of the whole thing is where I don't have to get everyone out of the house and prepared for the day by a certain time.

Did we sleep? Not sleep? DOESN'T MATTER, AS WE HAVE NO PLACE TO BE. Is someone sick? Who is going to move their meetings today and take her to the pediatrician?  Who is packing her lunch? Where are her shoes? Why aren't there any clean pants in this drawer? Claire, brush your teeth. TEETH. CLAIRE. NOW. Where are my keys? Shit, where is my phone? Claire, did you put my phone somewhere? Mommy really needs her phone.

Staying home, sleeping in, getting dressed at our own pace and not forcing a kid into shoes and a car seat at 730 am five days a week has been nice. It's nice not to have to pack a lunch on the fly and open the fridge and realize that oh shit, there isn't ANYTHING for lunch and now my kid is going to be the kid with 2 kinds of crackers, applesauce, apple slices and apple juice for lunch and OH WELL she probably won't eat it anyway and ACK! we have to go! go! go! now! now! now!

Being released from the obligations and schedule of two working parents, for whatever short amount of time it lasts, is a special kind of luxury for us.

***

My due date is Thursday and while I know it's an estimate and not a deadline, I'm at that point where I keep waking up pregnant (surprise!) and family is waiting at the ready to help and I'm on maternity leave and the only thing missing is the actual baby.

The climate is very much Baby Watch 2011 and even though it's ridiculous to think that people are expecting me to have the baby on time or even early (nobody is) it's hard not to feel that way with everyone looking and scheduling vacation time or making travel plans while a certain someone is still residing in my abdomen.

Making it even more odd, because I'm so round and slow and waddly, I don't feel like I'm making the best use of this time either. Obviously I am WELL AWARE of just how little free time I have in front of me, so I should really be making the most of these days. Unfortunately, I just want to sit and sleep and I spend a great deal of time planning my day around how few times I can bend over to pick something up. Instead of accomplishing big projects that have been waiting for ages to have the attention they deserve, I am spending my spare time sitting here on the sofa writing blog posts and consuming anything the internet serves up simply because it means I can stay right here and not move.

I can't help but start to get that dread feeling that perhaps I'm just going to keep waiting and waiting and waiting and that bag I packed is stupid because I won't ever go into labor and after all of this effort and thought and research into choosing a care provider who won't push me into an induction, I will still end up in a stupid hospital bed with an IV of Pitocin in two or three weeks, 42 weeks or so pregnant.

To be honest, that thought makes me want to cry. I don't want to be induced again. Yes, yes, safety of the baby, doesn't matter how she gets here, blah-blah-blah, but all other things being equal I don't want to be induced. I don't want to go through the indignity of all that intervention and not being in control (really working on control freak tendencies, but it's a long-term project for me) and I also don't want to end up without the opportunity to experience and have the natural birth that I want to attempt which is all so very selfish and short-term thinking and dirty hippie of me, I KNOW, but the simplest truth is that I don't want to be induced, at all, period, the end, only because IT TOTALLY SUCKS TO BE INDUCED.

And that is pretty much all I think about these days.

Comments

[Elsha]

"Did we sleep? Not sleep? DOESN'T MATTER, AS WE HAVE NO PLACE TO BE." Pretty much sums up why I love being a stay at home mom. Well, that and the fact that I really hate working.

Hoping this baby comes soon!

[Mama Bub]

From a two-time induction veteran, I will think natural labor thoughts for you. Pitocin sucks. The end.

[Holly]

Walk everyday. Twice a day if you can manage. Works wonders for getting baby down and things moving in the right direction - out - according to my Bradley instructor. I managed to just be 4 days overdue :)

[HereWeGoAJen]

I was so overdue with Elizabeth that this last time I, um, lied about my due date to everyone. I was really due August 30th, but I told everyone September 8th, so there would be fewer days of standing around staring at me, waiting.

[Roberta]

It IS so much nicer to just get up with your girl and have nothing specific to do. I love the weekends for that reason. On induction: I am terrified of them, and would also be trying to avoid one at all costs. A rather off-the-grid thought (from my old Bradley instructor) is that you don't *have* to show up at your appointment if someone insists on scheduling an induction. No one can force you to do it, and a hospital is also obligated to care for you if you show up in labor when nature finally takes its course. Call it the dirty hippie approach to avoiding an induction. ;-) I am sure your body will do GREAT and do everything it's supposed to!

[Erica]

Being induced blows. Agreed. Hoping you get to do it the way you want. Also, I have found two things that really help with the lunch packing situation - microwave rice and cans of black beans (just strain and pack). I know, microwave rice sounds really lame but it's awesome! It looks like you COOKED something! Also I love the applesauce. Oh and I love frozen veggies because I just pop them in there and assume they will be thawed by lunch time. I hope they are!

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I will be over here, thinking natural labor thoughts for you!

[Erin G]

ok well the good news about not having a lot to do is that you're churning out a healthy handful of hi.lar.i.ous. stream-of-conciousness blog posts these days. Love it. :)

[Jessica]

I have to say, I've really been enjoying the frequent updates! Every morning I check thinking either you'll be in labor or have another nice long post. I like both, but for your sake I hope the baby comes soon!

[Meg]

Thinking natural labor thoughts for you!

My boy was so late--he was born on the day we were supposed to go in for induction. He was just one day shy of 42 weeks. The thing that got things going was having my membranes swept (yuck & ouch) the day before. So it is possible to be really overdue and still have it happen naturally!

Also, this is super hippy-dippy (but I am an Oregon hippy--so it fits) but I kept telling myself that my son knew what his birthday was going to be, so I needed to let him do his own thing. Thinking about that helped me to relax and remember that it was out of my control.