Why do things like this always seem to happen to me?

I have so little patience and tolerance for stupid these days.

I am 39 weeks pregnant today and just like every other Thursday for the past several weeks, I went to see my midwife. A different nurse took my vitals today and she was older (50? 60? I am terrible at guessing ages) and she was all sorts of weird and aggravating.

She asked me if I had any questions (not for you, stranger-lady, I'll save those for my primary care provider thanksverymuch) and then she asked brightly if I was getting close to my delivery date. (Um, look at my chart, isn't that something you're keeping tabs on? Also, do you SEE this belly?)  She asked me "What we have in there." (Do you mean in my uterus? A baby. That is why I am here today in the practice. Specifically, it is a girl. And, it's mine. There is no "we.")

She asked if it was my first (nope - isn't that in my chart too?) and what I have at home (a girl) and this news of two girls never fails to make people start some kind of stupid happy-clappy dance of SISTERRRRRS HOW NIIIIIICEEEEE and it's like...I don't even KNOW YOU. SHUT UP. People I know are allowed to be excited but you? You should just take my blood pressure and leave please.

Then she kept calling me "sweetheart" and "sweetie" the entire time and if those words weren't idiotic enough all on their own, they are BEYOND inappropriate and disrespectful for a person I don't even know who is performing work in a professional capacity.  I am not her freaking granddaughter, I am a PAYING PATIENT that is 32-freaking-years-old.

GAH.

So, after the fifth or sixth iteration I just looked at her and said,

"Can you please stop calling me 'sweetheart?' It's REALLY unprofessional of you to talk to me that way."

And her tone immediately changed to "Oh, I guess you're going to be a bitch" (um, yes, if that's how you want to frame it up, sweetie) and she glanced at my elecronic chart and said that she would only call me by......my first name from now on (and she totally mispronounced it) and I told her that Mrs LastName was fine by me as well. IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL ABOUT IT.

Then she noted that I am 39 weeks and 2 days and I had to correct her and say no, it is 39 weeks exactly (seriously lady, CAN YOU READ?) and she had the gall, the absolute gall, to brightly ask me if I had scheduled my induction yet.

??????????????

And that was when I just looked her straight in the eye and said, "Is Heather (my midwife) here? Because I would really rather talk to her than you."

WHAT PLANET DID THIS WOMAN EVEN COME FROM?

Comments

[Vanessa Napolitano]

HA! That's great. I wish I had the courage to talk to irritating people like that. Good for you!

[Elsha]

What planet indeed?!

I had my annual last week and the nurse was nice enough to explain that the regular nurse wasn't there because she's on her own maternity leave. I didn't realize I had it good, seeing the same nurse for every appointment.

[Mama Bub]

I've never been more glad that my OB has a dedicated nurse, and that she was never, not once, out sick or on vacation during one of my appointments. UGH. Annoyed by association.

[Shilo]

Induction?!?! Is she even aware that she's assisting a freaking MIDWIFE? Wow. Mind blown.

Also, bravo on you for not letting someone sweetie you to death.

[Jessica]

Wha? I don't understand how she could assume EVERYONE schedules an induction, even leaving out the fact she was working with a midwife's patients that day. Even if she usually works with a cut-happy OB, he/she can't possibly schedule an induction for more than half of the patients, right? Was she TRYING to be difficult at that point? Maybe she likes to say that to all the midwifery patients to see their reaction. (In which case she should be fired.)

[Sarah in Ottawa]

Was this a fill-in nurse? Because WTH? A nurse at a midwife's office asking about induction?

I am actually surprised at the presence of a nurse. The midwives in the practices up here do all that themselves, having only an office administrator.

But yeah! You are so close now! I can't wait to hear the official name, too!

[Manda]

These things happen to you because you are The One who will Set Somebody's Ass Straight. My lands I LOVE YOU! SWEETIE!! heh just kidding.

[Sam]

*stab* *stab* *stab*

I think that's all I would have been able to do.

[DC Zia]

This made me laugh and I love you. You are totally my brand of cranky ain't taking no shit 39 weeks pregnant.

[Meghan]

I would have no patience for that nonsense either. And good for you for setting her straight. I had a nurse that said "call when we're ready to push sweetie". She didn't help with the pushing at all!!!

[Kim]

I'm glad you spoke up and told her she was unprofessional because calling someone "sweetie" or "sweetheart" depersonalizes someone not the other way around.

And I too wonder is she was a nurse. Did she identify herself as one? As Sarah mentioned, many offices employ UAPs (unlicensed assistive personal) in the form of a MA (medical assistant) that do not have a license and at best might have only a high school diploma and a certificate from a training program.

If she did identify herself as a nurse and she's not, she's breaking the law as the the State of Texas has title "nurse" protection.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I wish I had the courage to speak my mind like that! I usually just sit there seething when people are being annoying/unprofessional. Which she REALLY was.

[Elizabeth]

In this history of time I would never call you Sweetie. Dear lord.
Also, good for you for telling her to cram it.

[lindsay]

OH MAN you have balls. I love these stories. Not everyone is into the gushiness thing. How can people not understand that?

[Karen]

For some reason, there are people for whom a pregnant woman causes an extreme disconnect between their mouth and brain.

We were at the grocery store today (I'm 31 weeks along, yes I carry large, yes, I have big babies, blah de blah de blah) and my four year old chose a big red bouncy ball as a surprise treat for being so good and being willing to come to the grocery store at wee o'clock in the morning.

While we were checking out, he said to a bagger, "Hi! I have a big red ball!"

And she said, TO MY KID, "Wow! It looks like Mommy's swallowed a ball!"

WTF? I said out loud--not to her but to my husband, whose mouth was hanging open, "No, I'm pretty sure this is a baby, not a rubber ball." And on the way out I gave her my best dirty look.

In all of my four pregnancies that is the FIRST TIME anyone has ever said that in my presence. Even when I was carrying my 12 pound baby.

I think people assume that they can treat pregnant women like children because we have a hard time tying our own shoes and picking things up off the floor, so NATURALLY we're like little kids. Feh.

[Emma]

I think you were way out of line. Give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes. I doubt her intentions were bad, she was just trying to be friendly perhaps? I understand where you're coming from, I am almost 42 weeks pregnant, and also have a 2 year old and sometimes peoples curiosity and gushiness gets the better of them, particularly when I am tired, but again, people are generally trying to be kind, not looking to piss me off, I'm sure. I think you get back what you give out, is what I am trying to say.

[Erin G]

Everything about this post makes me think you might be my internet soul mate. Yes, it was crabby to snap at her. But yes, we would have all wanted to. This whole thing could have read word-for-word with my stream of conciousness in the same situation. Ha! :)