Dear hostess at Bayona restaurant in the French Quarter,
When I call to say that opentable.com just ate my 7pm reservation and I'd like you to make the reservation for me offline, and then you take a high and mighty tone and tell me that you've been booked at 7 pm for this Saturday for MONTHS and all you can possibly offer me is a 930, I will not only not believe you, I will hang up on you mid-sentence and call another restaurant.
A couple with perfectly good American dollars to spend on overpriced shrimp
Dear billing lady at my midwife's office,
You can hardly expect me to believe you when you say that you sent me an invoice yet you cannot actually produce said invoice for review now that I'm right in front of you and giving you a stern lecture on the topic. It's especially unbelieveable since you can produce every other piece of corespondence that you've sent to my house except for this one, KEY invoice that I am telling you that I never recieved.
Wait, what's that? It cannot possibly be a clerical error as I have gently suggested?! Well then, IT MUST BE AN ACT OF GOD. God smote the invoice. This is the only possible conclusion since you refuse to accept responsibility for what is obviously all your fault.
A pissed off patient
Dear Girl Scout Troop whatever is local to me,
Oh man, I really DO want to buy some cookies from you today, but I have already been through THREE boxes of those suckers in less than a week and I really CAN'T buy any more cookies. I can't! Even though Claire really likes them and she helps me eat them and oh crap, now she's noticed that you're selling cookies and she's asking me about them and...we have to go. WE HAVE TO LEAVE THE PREMISES RIGHT NOW.
(I'll take one box of Thin Mints.)
The pregnant lady looking at you with indecision in her eyes
Dear Home Warranty People,
Thank you for giving us a free hot water heater this week when ours bit the dust, just one month before our home warranty that the sellers bought for us expires. Wow, that was awesome not to have to pony up $1,100 for a hot water heater this week.
What was not awesome is that you still made us pay for the service call (and did not even show up until 72 hours after the first call), the city permit to install it, the haul-away fee on the old one and materials required to install the new hot water heater, which I would think are all a part of the replacement costs.
Warranties are such bullshit.
A pair of homeowners who will complain about anything.