are things complicated yet?

Yep, we accidentally moved into a snobby neighborhood

Today this email shows up in my inbox.  Looks like our Home Owner's Association has a flair for the dramatics.

***

Solar Panel Survey Reminder and Facts

Date: 3/23/2010

On March 10^th, the HOA mailed a solar panel survey to every home in the community. The survey asked each household to vote on whether they would support allowing solar panels in the neighborhood or not. The HOA never issued an opinion to the community regarding solar panels, either in favor of or opposed to.

A decision will be made democratically by the community based upon the input received. To date, we have received input from 18% of the community. If you have not submitted your survey there is still time. The deadline is March 31.

 

Facts:

(1)   Some residents enthusiastically support solar panels and others are adamantly opposed. Each side has a right to their opinion.  

(2)   The HOA is required to enforce the governing documents (adopted in 1995) which states, “No projections of any type shall be placed or permitted to remain above the roof of any residential building with the exception of one or more chimneys and one or more vent stacks, without the written permission of the Architectural Control Committee.”

(3)   One resident has installed solar panels without HOA approval and without waiting on the survey outcome. The resident did not provide the requested information to the Architectural Control Committee. The resident’s installer failed to show up for a scheduled meeting with the Architectural Control Committee. The resident elected to install panels without approval and with full knowledge the HOA was planning to survey the community and would reconsider their request based upon the survey results.

 

The following is an excerpt from an email sent by this resident today:

Sent: Tuesday, March 23, 2010 11:02 AM
To: 'HOA'
Subject: Ready to drop it?

 

We gave you EVERY chance to make this a positive news story for our community, instead you choose to make it a negative one.

Here is our peace offering:  Drop all the ridiculous lawsuits and agree to never bring it up again, pay us the estimated $5,000 in fees we’ve spent so far, and adopt a green policy NOW; then we will turn the media hype into a positive piece about how great our HOA is for adopting and promoting Green technologies, and how you endorse all our residents saving money & doing something good for the environment.

Otherwise we will continue fighting and defending our right to be Green.  Your choice.  We can only keep the media away for so long.

***

So.  A couple of things.

1) I can't believe the dude who sent this email thought it was appropriate to cut and paste an angry email from another resident into a neighborhood-wide email blast. 

2) I had no idea that Solar Panels were Such A Big Deal.

3) I love how this rebel resident feels like he's sitting on a story akin to Monica Lewinsky.  "We can only keep the media away for so long."  I also like how he put that part in a big font.

4) Last I checked, a "right to be green" is not included in the first amendment.

5) I'm going to go ahead and create a category for "HOA Drama" because I'm pretty sure there's more where this came from. 

6) I am totally going to drive around the neighborhood, find the solar panels and make friends with this dude.  He seems...spirited.

(PS Sorry for the weird breaks/spacing.  When you copy/paste into Typepad, it sort of breaks the editor.)

The Great Big House Buying and Selling Story: Part 5

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

***

Oh my gosh, you guys.  Part 5.  PART FIVE.  CINCO!  When I started writing this I had no idea there would be a part freaking FIVE. 

1/20/10

The offer on The House We Eventually Buy (House #4) was negotiated and signed last night.  They were pretty quick on the trigger, which tells me that they're antsy to move.  The bad part is that they refuse to close until the week after we close on our house.

We're going to be homeless for a week.  We have to figure out somewhere to live AND put our household goods for 7 days.  This sucks, but appears unavoidable. 

I'm just happy that we've finally found something we love.  But, that doesn't keep me from dragging my agent to four new houses today!

You see, House #4 has no pool.  I want a pool.  I go to the internet and pull everything for sale with a pool that looks decent, that I haven't seen yet, and we go look at them.  Just to be sure.

These houses are terrible.  They're ugly.  One smells like pee.  One backs up to a high school football stadium.  They're bad.  There are very obvious reasons that these homes are still for sale.  House #4 is the undisputed champion. 

Now that I've literally SEEN IT ALL, I feel very, very confident that House #4 is the best and is Our New House.  It's a watershed moment for me.

We schedule the inspection for tomorrow.  The day after that we're going skiing for a week.

Date Unknown

At some point the appraiser from our buyer's lender stops by.  It goes like this:

It's raining.  A lot.  Dude shows up at our house at 6pm.  Knocks on door.  Wants to come inside.

UM, HELL NO.  I don't even open the door.  We talk through the window.

He says he's the appraiser and our agent told us he was coming.  He looks annoyed. Our agent did not tell us he was coming.  He wants to come in anyway.  I tell him that he has to stand outside while I call my agent because he might be a lunatic criminal trying to take advantage of people.  We were specifically warned when we listed the house not to let anyone inside that the Showing Service did not schedule.

As I reach for my phone, guess who calls?  THE SHOWING SERVICE. "Hi, is it okay if Mr. So-and-so comes over in five minutes to appraise your home?"  Five minutes warning.  REALLY?  REALLY????

The whole thing is so beyond protocol (No phone call! He's here! And now they're calling!  My agent is MIA! He's in the rain! I have to say yes if I want to sell my house!  I have to be nice because he's a Person Of Influence in the deal! The house is a complete disaster! The baby is asleep!). 

It makes the Emily Post wannabe inside me rap everyone's knuckles with a ruler until they're bleeding. 

As the appraiser is making his way through my home, my agent calls to tell me that she accidentally went to the wrong house and that's why she isn't here (never mind the whole part about NOT CALLING TO TELL ME THIS WAS HAPPENING TODAY).

I give that woman the verbal dressing down OF A LIFETIME.   I wish I had a transcript for you of my conversation; it was impressive, even for me. 

Mostly, I am furious that my agent didn't call me even though she had hours of notice.  She is not here to show him comparables in the neighborhood.  If the house does not appraise for sale price, the buyers may not get their loan. When we listed with her, she specifically touted this appraise/comparables business as an "I'm a smart agent" selling point.

Do I think the house will appraise for less than sale price?  No.  But the possibility that it might is just another layer of stress to deal with when I've already got more than enough, thanksverymuch.  Plus, I don't really like random dudes showing up at my house in the rain.

1/22/10

We go to Breckenridge and go skiing. 

1/27/10

While we're there, the inspection report comes back and it's generally positive.  Nothing major.  PHEW.  The report is 20+ pages long, very comprehensive and we ask for these things to be fixed:

The upstairs heating unit vent pipe is separated in the attic. This configuration will emit Carbon Monoxide into the attic area, which is a known safety hazard.  (!!!!!)

Ten or more of the thermal pane windows were observed to have lost their seals. (Eh, pretty normal but we ask anyway.)

The exterior water hose bibb (faucet) leaks when turned off on the front of the house.

The range exhaust vent fan is not properly operating.

The food waste disposer is leaking water into the cabinet area.

Not all of the garage receptacles appear to be connected to a ground fault circuit interrupter (GFCI) device. Under current electrical standards, all of the garage receptacles should have GFCI protection.

Ceiling surface damage was observed in the garage. Repairs are needed to have proper fire block.  (Turns out their high school son FELL THROUGH from the attic the week before.)

Their agent come back the next day with this response: 

"The sellers have already repaired the first item that is marked on the Report Summary. (Ceiling surface in garage).  They are having the upstairs heating unit vent pipe repaired today.  For the remaining repairs, the sellers are offering $500 toward closing costs."

Chris says, "Let's take it!"  I quickly price out the cost to repair/replace the outstanding items and it's totaling about $1,500, conservatively.  I tell Chris that we should counter and he doesn't want to.  He wants to just get it all tied up and over with and be DONE.   I tell him it's worth it to push some and see what we get.

Plus, it's FREE TO ASK.  What are they going to say?  No?  Okay, we'll take the $500 and still buy your stupid house.

We counter with $1,500 and they say they'll give us $750.  I say, "Eh."

Then they say they'll give us $1,000 if we elect to end the option period today.  It appears they're antsy to close to deal.  Okey-dokey!  (And that is how you make $500 just by asking a simple question.)

I AM THE SUPREME NEGOTIATOR!

2/8/10

I hire movers.  I fire movers.

I hire some more.  I like the new ones much better. 

I pack.  We throw a bunch of stuff away.  We pack some more. 

2/24/10

We drive to the title company in the morning, stop at Starbucks and walk in to sign the papers that will sell our home.  It takes all of 15 minutes.  I still have warm coffee left in my cup when we leave.

4 hours later, the funds appear in our checking account.  That's it.  We sold our house. We go home and finish packing.

2/25/10

Even though we already sold the house, we negotiated a 3-day no cost lease back, so we don't have to actually move out until 2/27.  This is super smart because with a first time buyer, you never know if they're actually going to get the loan until they actually get the loan.  It feels good to move out knowing that we already have our money.

The movers are super careful about not damaging any walls.  I can't help but think, "Eh, not my house anymore!  I don't care!"  Of course, there is no wall-gouging, but I'm surprised at how quickly I seem to have let go.

It take 5 hours to load the truck.  This is about 1/20 the time it would have taken to do it ourselves.  I am so glad we hired movers.  I literally do not lift a finger all morning.

When the truck drives away, we vacuum, take a last look around and walk out the door.  That's it.

Goodbye first house.

2/26/10

We're homeless.  We spend some time at my parent's house. 

3/4/10

Time to close again!  WOO!  We sign papers for about 20 minutes and then leave to run some errands and get lunch while everything funds.  In an hour or so, all the money has changed hands and we get our keys.

Chris gets super annoyed because he has a call for work that he dials in for, right about the time we get to the house and are about to go inside as its owners.  He makes a comment about how "they are ruining our 'first time in our new house' moment."

I tell him that that there are a thousand new house moments in front of us. 

Don't worry, we've got lots of time ahead of us.  This is only the beginning. 

***

The Great Big House Buying and Selling Story: Part 4

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

***

1/17/10

I've looked at every house for sale in our price range, in every city that might be acceptable to live in and...nothing.  UGH.  I'm getting frustrated.  I don't want to settle.

I thought I had found THE HOUSE but then we saw the Seller's Disclosure and it not only had major foundation issues that had yet to be repaired, but it was also suffering from a termite infestation.

I take Chris to the House We Eventually Buy for him to see.  It's my second time there.  Even though I have serious misgivings about the kitchen, I did like it and I want his thoughts.  He likes it all right but he's not in love.

The house we see immediately afterward catches our attention though and we get distracted.  We're really stupid and we looked at another house out of our price range because I was feeling desperate.  Of course, I fall deeply in love with this home.

I love the style of it, I love the neighborhood and I die when I see the sparkly pool and spa with tons of yard to spare.  What I don't love is the apples and pear wallpaper in the kitchen, the bathrooms with grody stained carpet and the odd 90's-era built-ins that seem to be around every corner.  The office is hunter green with golf wallpaper the dining room suffers from Laura Ashley-esque wallpaper vomit and...this house is stuck in 1990.  Maybe 1985.

Basically, I let myself fall in love with the front yard and back yard and talk myself into thinking that eventually I'll like the part in the middle where we'd have to live. 

I can tell from the write-up that these people think they have The Most Amazing House Ever. 

It's full of lines like, "blah-blah quality shows Pride."  And, yes, they did capitalize it like that.  They also included a photo of a "Yard of the Month" sign in their yard with the caption, "Pride in Ownership."  They seem very...full of pride.

So, it's sort of clear that they're snobby and they think apples and pears still look great in the kitchen on wallpaper.  They don't think that the built-in's designed for a monster TV from the 80's are a problem for today's buyer. 

We submit a low offer to House #3.  At this point I am totally grasping at straws, hoping I can find something I like for the price I want. I'm hoping that we'll hit on someone desperate to sell because of a divorce or a job transfer.

They come back with a figure not at all close to our number.  In fact, it's only $2,000 below list price, which is very telling; they're not interested in negotiating.  They really want list price.  They also send a paragraph of rationale that is full of oddly capitalized items, misspelled words and incomplete sentences.  It only serves to cement my opinion that most real estate agents are morons.  It reads, verbatim,

"...the owner's understand some things need to be updated but have taken that into account on pricing their home. The location of the nieghborhood is great, Pool and Landscaping and the Oversized Lot.

The wood and Hardyplank on the exterior of the home are in excellant shape because of Home Owner Maintenance.They just replaced their Hot Water Heaters in the last 45 days and have replaced fence and roof in the last 2 years.

(I'd like to point out that the roof part is no big deal, as a hail storm came through the area two years ago and EVERYONE got a free new roof from their homeowner's insurance, so I find it hilarious that they're touting this as a unique benefit.  Every home in TWO COUNTIES got a new roof.)

The home has been extremely well maintained as she is an emplyee for David Weekley Homes.

(Oh wait, HERE IT IS.  She's an employee and they're the original owners so they probably got a song for the house and they obvs didn't upgrade a damn thing. THANKS, I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY NOW.) 

The activity on showings has been excellant also."

So, pretty clear they don't actually want to sell their house unless they can make gobs of cash.  (As of this writing, it's still for sale and not yet under contract, so clearly we weren't too off base in our evaluation.)

This is also where I get frustrated with people who are not serious sellers.  Usually it's not-serious buyers who get all the flak, but a seller who is just fishing is almost worse.  They make you think their house is for sale, but it's really not.

Adios, House #3 with the dreamy pool and terrible wallpaper.

1/19/10

We go back to the House We End Up Buying.  We like it.  But we're so goshdarn ambivalent for some reason.  We think it's because it doesn't have a pool and we really wanted a pool.  We like the rest of it....except I really dislike the kitchen.  It has the right things on paper (granite countertops, hardwood floors, lots of cabinets) but they're just not the style and color that I want and it's clear that it's been sort of a quick, DIY upgrade job on everything.  I feel like I'm paying for an "upgraded" kitchen that I just want to gut and start over on.  That hardly seems fair.

We discuss this a lot.  Chris thinks the kitchen is nice.  I think it sucks.  Back and forth we go.  Over and over and over again.

In retrospect, and now that I live here, this kitchen IS nice.  Chris is right.  But compared to all of the crazy amazing kitchens I had been looking at, that maybe had OTHER problems in the house that made them un-buyable, this kitchen isn't as nice. 

I lose sight of the goal - WHOLE PACKAGE.  I can't pick and choose rooms from a bunch of houses and put them together.  I like this house, this is the kitchen it has, can I live with it?  Can I fix the things I don't like?  Am I willing to PAY for that later, but live with it for now?  Is this the best thing available, in our price range, in a place we are willing to live?

After a lot of thought we decide that yes, yes we can and yes it is, YES YES YES and let's draw up an offer so we don't have to find House #5.  Plus, we hear that the agent is expecting another offer today and there's nothing like feeling you're about to lose a house you've spent 2 months looking for to light a fire under your ass.  (She probably made the whole thing up.)

This house is really awesome and it's in our price range.  We submit an offer.  They accept it that night. 

We breathe a sigh of relief because we think we just bought our new house.  WE WILL NOT BE HOMELESS.

The Great Big House Buying and Selling Story: Part 3

1/10/10

Now that we're starting over again, we take a fresh look.  We look at cities we didn't initially consider.  We look smaller and larger than we thought we wanted.  We look at homes even MORE in the sticks (if that is even possible), townhouses in the city, condos downtown and fixer-uppers in terrible neighborhoods that are turning into hipster scenes.

We think about moving to Austin.  Or maybe DC or Napa or Iowa or Chicago or any one of a hundred places.  (We do not think about moving to Houston because, well, just no. Never.)  Since the door is wide open to any possibility we can imagine, we let our imaginations run BERZERK.

Eventually we get back to reality and realize that OH YES, our jobs are here and we'd rather not get new ones and wow it would be stupid to move out of state because I hear that if you do?  You have to pay something called "State Income Tax" and, well, no thanks on that one.

We drive by some homes that they're building down the street from our current house.  You know, in the part of town we dislike because it's the sticks and the grocery store is 8 miles away?  We walk through a model home and we fall in love just like they want you to with model homes.

This model home is clean, new, well decorated, sparse and devoid of all of the clutter, grime and dust that nearly every other home I've looked at has.  No doilies.  No angel collections.  No half used Suave bottles in the shower.  It's refreshingly stark and devoid of anything personal.  (Because nobody actually LIVES there.)  It's easy to imagine living in this model home.

The option to customize and pick colors and fixtures is immensely appealing.  All of our problems will be solved!

Except, this house wouldn't be ready until the summer.  They can't guarantee we'll get the tax credit which is kind of the entire point of the exercise.  They also refuse to tell me what the stupid house will even COST.  They want me to sign a contract to buy it and THEN they will tell me what it costs.  Plus, this house isn't in the part of town we want to live in.  It's still in the sticks!  This is a stupid idea!

After a couple of days, we figure that out.  It's going to take too long and everyone we talk to with the builder seems to be a moron or playing one really well.  We don't trust them.  We want to move soon and stop living life in transition.  No building a house.

1/12/10

The offer we got on 1/6 has been negotiated out and we're under contract.  Our close date is 2/24.  We are starting to feel panicky that WE HAVE NO PLACE TO LIVE AFTER 2/24 ZOMG MUST FIND A HOUSE NOOOOOOOWWWWWW.  PANIC PANIC PANIC.

I start to spend 3+ hours a day at Realtor.com, looking at the same homes over and over again, trying to find Our New House somewhere in the same set that I've already looked at and rejected.

1/14/10

We go look at a house that's out of our price range.  Not a lot out of range, but definitely too expensive.  This house is in the same neighborhood as House #1 and it has the exact same floor plan as House #1.

The kitchen has been updated and it has a better pool.  It's on a cul-de-sac on a larger lot.  It also backs up to a cemetery, but this doesn't really bother us even though it's definitely weird.

We hem and haw.  Is it worth submitting a lowish offer?  The thing we loved about House #1 was the floor plan; it was the finish out that bothered us.  This one is much nicer AND it has a way better lot  Hmmm. 

We submit a crazy low offer to too-expensive House #2.  We cross our fingers, but we're pretty sure they're going to laugh at us.  But, you never know until you ask.  (Plus, it's free to ask.)

That night, we get the Seller's Disclosure on House #2.  It has had foundation repairs.  We're so annoyed; this house isn't worth close to list price if it's got foundation issues (even if they HAVE been resolved for the time being) AND there's the weird cemetery thing going on.

The agent and sellers try to talk us around on the foundation being a non-problem ("Trust us!  It's no big deal!") but we've already moved on.  They counter really close to our lowball offer in a last ditch effort to reel us in.

No thanks.  No more houses with "issues."

1/15/10

It's a good day.  We get a BACK UP OFFER from someone who wants to buy our house.  Yes!  There's another couple that loves our house so much, they want to be first in line if the current buyers back out!  YES, PLEASE!  WHERE DO I SIGN?

Their offer is even a little BETTER than the first one, so we are feeling pretty awesome.  It also gives us a lot of leverage to refuse to make repairs.  Not only did we sell our house, we sold this sucker TWICE. 

Gosh, we're good at this.  

1/16/10

Our house is inspected and the report comes back clean because Chris is really good at taking care of basic housey type stuff.

They only ask for three things:

• A window in the breakfast room with a broken seal to be replaced.

• GFCI outlet in the kitchen to be replaced.

• Trim the hedges in the front yard away from the house to discourage termites.

We're sort of annoyed with the hedge request but we agree to all of them.  This is a ten-year-old house and it has ten-year-old problems.  We're glad that they seem to accept that fact.

After we agree to their repairs, they voluntarily end the option period.  That's it.  Our house is pretty much sold.  Now we just have to pack and be ready to take their money on the 24th.

OH, AND WE HAVE TO FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO LIVE.  GETTING EXTRA PANICKY NOW. 

The Great Big House Buying and Selling Story: Part 2

12/23/09

After we see all the mold in House #1 we have to figure out what to do next.  Chris says we can replace the upstairs HVAC and it needs to be replaced anyway since it's old, so he's fine with it. 

I've been in the house 5 times and I still can't decide if I LOVE it.  Chris loves it.  I like it, but I'm scared of remodeling the kitchen and the cost and the yard is sort of smallish even though it does have a pool.  I want to love it.  I have an overwhelming need to love it since checks have been written and papers signed.

But now it's Christmas, so we decide to put all the house crap in a drawer and forget about it until Monday, the last day we can terminate our contract and get all of our earnest money back.

12/28/09

We have to make a decision today.  I have been stalking real estate sites over the weekend to see if anything new pops up.  Of course, since it's Christmas NOTHING NEW POPS UP. 

We bite the bullet and decide to stick with House #1.  But, I act in direct conflict with this decision and keep looking at other houses in the meantime, just to make sure we don't see something better.  You know, just in case our house doesn't sell in time to buy House #1. 

1/6/10

Today I look at 6 houses and one of them is actually The House We Buy In The End but I don't know yet that this is the house we're going to buy.  I like it the first time; I write down that it's "cozy."  I don't like the kitchen though.  It keeps it firmly in the "maybe" category.

At 10 am, we get a second offer on our house.  This is exciting because to buy House #1 we have to sell our house by the end of January and things are getting tight time-wise.

The offer is pretty good - it's more than the list price, but they want closing costs which pulls the actual offer to a little below list.  This is fine by us, expected even.  We're hesitantly celebrating.  We think we just sold our house!  Open the champagne!

That night at 5p, my agent calls me.  The owners of House #1, the house we have already had SO MUCH DRAMA over, have received another offer that does not have a contingency sale on it and they are exercising their right to kick us out of our contract and let the new people buy their house. 

What the hell does this mean?  Basically, we just got screwed.  Put the champagne back in the fridge.

• We have about 24 hours to decide if we want to buy House #1, WITHOUT the safety that the contingency clause provides us.  We have to cough up more earnest money if we want to do this, thereby increasing potential money lost if it doesn't work out. 

• If we get to our close date on House #1 and our house isn't sold and we don't have the money from it and we CAN'T buy House #1 because of that, then we will lose ALL of our earnest money.  Nonrefundable.  Buh-bye many thousands of dollars.

• But!  We just got a good offer on our house today!  So, there's an EXCELLENT chance that we'll have the money long before the deadline and the whole thing is moot!

• But!  What if these sellers are flakey?  What if they find something catastrophic at inspection?  What if they can't get their financing in order?  What if they just change their minds?  Then we'll be SCREWED and lose all our earnest money.  These are things we have no control over.

We decide that the level of risk is too high and there are too many things we can't control; we say goodbye to House #1.

Immediately afterward, I feel this enormous sense of RELIEF.  It is a feeling exactly like what I imagine being released from jail must feel like.  I feel HAPPY and EXCITED that we don't have to buy this house and we don't have to remodel the kitchen from 1990 and I can finally stop worrying about THE MOLD THE MOLD THE MOLD.  (Which I never really let go.) 

It's only at this point do I realize the depth of my indecision and doubt about House #1. 

I start to see the kick-out scenario as a huge blessing.  We got out of buying House #1 and we got all our money back, less the two inspections. 

We got lucky.

The Great Big House Buying and Selling Story: Part 1

11/12/09

We've been thinking about buying a new house for a little while, but the newly announced tax credit for second time home buyers pushes over the edge. 

What can I say?  We are suckers for free money, especially with a Democrat in charge who is just going to take it back later.  Sure!  We'll take your free money President Obama!  We'll consider it a temporary loan since we're pretty sure you'll raise our taxes more than enough to demand it all back next year.

Today we go see a house where we meet the agent who will eventually sell us our home.  We like this house a lot, we even discuss putting an offer in on it, but there's one problem.  Our current home is not on the market yet and we need to sell it before we buy a new one.

We go home and gape at the photos of the Potential House.  We imagine ourselves living there and spend the next few days torturing ourselves. 

11/16/09

An agent named Dana comes to our house to convince us to list our home with her brokerage.  She has a PowerPoint presentation and uses fancy words like "Twitter" and "Social Media."  I am not impressed and I think I'm probably smarter than she is.  (No offense to Dana, but, uh, it's the truth.) 

They want the standard 6% commission.  Thus begins a week long intellectual exercise wherein we discuss whether the Real Estate Commission Model is Fair? Equitable? Motivating to Whom?  And what do we get for 6%?  Is it worth it?  Should we sell it ourselves?

WE DON'T KNOW. 

We talk in circles, constantly, for a week.  We get riled up and egg each other on.  We can't decide what to do.  My stomach hurts when I think about it at night - this question of whether selling our house is worth many thousands of dollars.  We can think of a lot of things to buy with that money.

11/23/09

In the end, we decide to hire Dana after I have an email fight with her boss about commission and rates and what's fair and how he should Earn My Business Dammit.  She seems moderately smart but mostly we hire her because their listings have the best pictures. 

She also works with our buyer's agent who is showing us houses.  They'll give us 1% back when we buy our new house from them, dropping total fee to 5%. 

We still feel ripped off, in a major way, but we figure this is just how the industry is and even though we don't want to play along and perpetuate what we think is a crap business model, we do anyway because we are busy people and we really do want to move.

Harrumph.

I spend a great deal of time over the next two days fretting about whether the towels look fluffy enough on their hooks in the bathroom and lots of other stupid things.  We take carloads of extra furniture, photos and anything personal, to the hangar to store until the house sells.  I replace all of the pictures of people with photos of flowers.  I buy some gerbera daisies.  We drink a bottle of wine.

Over the next few weeks Dana does exactly nothing to help sell our house.  We knew what we were going to price the house at, we did all the "staging" unassisted and I do a lot of buyer feedback follow ups.  It appears that she sent the photographer, stuck a sign in the yard and filled in some forms to put it on MLS.  After that, nothing. 

Yep, Dana is worth just about as much as we suspected in the first place.

11/25/09

A man called Stuart shows up and takes photos of the house.  He has a tripod and a wide angle lens and he takes these 30-second exposures that seem to last forever.  He is in and out in 30 minutes.  I'm pretty pleased with the photos.

Looking back, I think this, more than anything else, is the key part of selling a home these days.  If you have a decent house, getting AWESOME pictures is really key to generating traffic.  I think next time I might list the house myself and handle the contracts on my own, but I will DEFINITELY hire a professional photog for a couple hundred bucks.

Here's our old living room.  It was a big room with not a lot of furniture (really, it was designed to be a dining room/living room but we just used it as a living room), but the wide angle lens really stretched the thing out.  You can tell that it's distorted when you look at the TV; it's too long for its height.  With my point and shoot I could only capture about a third of this space in one shot.  Putting it all in one frame really helps tell the visual story.

Here's the same room from the opposite direction.  Look at how weirdly shaped the front door is.  Distortion Alert!

Here's our old kitchen.  I painted it myself, and in person you can totally tell that I did, but the long exposure makes everything sort of hazy, so you can't tell here.  You also can't see that the linoleum is nicked up and separating a bit at the seams and badly in need of replacement. Photo Magic!

And now, from the opposite direction.  Are you starting to see what I'm saying about the professional photog?  Dude knows how to stretch a room and make it shiny/blurry so it looks way classier than it actually is.

Check out the dishwasher - the dimensions aren't right because his lens makes everything wider.  Cool trick, huh?  Now when you look at house pictures you will totally be able to tell who walked in with a point and shoot and who had a tripod and good lens.

I liked my home a lot and it was clean, organized and decently decorated (if I do say so myself), but it was definitely not considered "high end."  We long ago stopped investing in it because we knew we'd never get the money back when we sold.  It was not finished out with top-of-the-line anything.  It was a first home and was finished out to match. 

We priced it accordingly and hoped for the best.

11/26/09

Our house is for sale!  OMFG!  We are out of town for Thanksgiving and are encouraged when an agent calls to show the house that morning.  We were warned that putting our house on the market right before the holidays might be a bad idea - people don't want to move at Christmas.

But we reason that a lot of people will probably list their homes for sale after the New Year and the market will get crowded, fast.  We'd like to sell when there are fewer homes for sale in our neighborhood to choose from so that our house shines and looks like the best bargain to potential buyers.

12/4/09

Today we find House #1 that we try to buy.  House #1 has a pool and spa.  It also needs a complete kitchen remodel because it's stuck in the early 90's, but this sort of project appeals to me a bit.  It's a big house in a great location.

Its been on the market for one day and we decide to come back tomorrow and see it again, just to be sure.  We like it the second day and we make an offer.

12/10/09

Ever since putting the house on the market, we've seen a steady stream of people come look at it.  We're getting good feedback through the showing service, even though it seems like a lot of people aren't quite ready to buy yet.

Buyers liked the large living areas and open kitchen. Covered patio is nice. Would prefer a little larger garage. Just started looking and must sell their home before making any purchase decisions.

Clients loved this house. They wished that the bedrooms were larger. They have a contract on a short sale and like that one best. They are going to wait on the short sale. This is a nice house.

Buyers did like the home. The only concerns they had were the size of the secondary bedrooms. They need to get things in order with their finances so it may be a while before they can move forward on anything.

Buyers loved the curb appeal...the backyard was large and covered patio was a plus.

We feel good that we'll be able to sell our house quickly after the holidays.  We think this is going swimmingly.

12/14/09

We're finally under contract (with a contingency to sell our current home, of course) with House #1.  It took a long time to negotiate and, in retrospect, this should have been telling.  

The house is priced well below market (we think because of the horrible kitchen) and we offered 5% below list price.  They counter with 4% below list price.  We think this is pretty good and get excited about our "bargain."

And then we get the Seller's Disclosure.

(Cue scary music.)

On page 3 there's a vague reference to a shower leak and, oh yes, MOLD REMEDIATION.  There are no attached invoices.

This spools me up in a hurry.  I immediately suspect that they are hiding something and my suspicions are raised even more when my agent tells me that they were very insistent that we include language in the contract about the home being sold "as is."  "AS IS" was a huge fight between our agent and theirs.

I start to think that this house is damaged and perhaps even dangerous.  Maybe THIS is the reason it's priced below market and NOT the ugly kitchen.  I begin to wonder if this is really a bargain after all.

I turn to Google, the place we all go to get spooled up EVEN MORE when we are scared.

Google is pretty helpful.  In the State of Texas any mold remediation work should be issued a certificate by the state that basically says, "It's all cool now.  Everything is fixed."  I ask them to produce the Certificate and it takes several days.

Primarily, I lack context to evaluate the disclosure properly.  Was this a slow leak over many years and the entire bathroom was covered in furry mold?  Or was it a burst pipe where everything was replaced as a precautionary measure?  Either way, I'm pretty sure that it's safe, but I worry about resale in the future.

In a buyer's market, why bother messing with a house with an asterisk when there are plenty of homes for sale without?

12/16/09

While they're looking for the Certificate of Mold Remediation issued by the state, we go ahead and perform the inspection because we're in our option period and we figure we need to find out if there's anything else wacky going on.  Because really, we love this house.  We love the location.  We love the pool.  We love the price.  We're optimistic that the mold thing will resolve itself once the Certificate is produced.

The inspection comes back relatively clean.  There are 3 or 4 safety related items and the dishwasher is broken.  They agree to our requested repairs.

But, I've had a few more days to research mold and I'm completely freaked out. No, that's an understatement.  I am outright panicked and having major doubts by now.

I wonder if we should perform an environmental inspection.  We get the invoices from the Seller's Disclosure and they are...complex.  It looks like a major job was done.  I am overcome with stress and worry that this house is a terrible investment and WE won't be able to sell it and maybe we are really stupid buyers for wanting it in the first place and that's why they sold it for so little.  THE MOLD, THE MOLD, THE TERRIBLE MOLD!

They produce the certificate but by now I'm so far gone to crazy town it doesn't matter.  I need an environmental inspection to feel good about buying this home. 

12/19/09

They finally deliver the Mold Certificate on Day 6 of our 7-day option period.  I am highly annoyed and it does nothing to alleviate my case of the Mold Crazies.

12/21/09

We get an offer on our house today from a dude who left the following feedback:

Wasn't what my buyers are looking for and didn't like the street.

WELL.  That was kind of him.  Seems he really likes the house, huh? 

His offer is ridiculously low.  Laughably low.  It also includes $6,000 for closing costs on top of the stupid-low sale price.  We are excited (Woo, an offer!  Someone likes our house!), but also realistic.  This dude wants a crazy-bargain and we're not going to give him one. 

We counter with something closer to reality and he immediately withdraws his offer completely. 

12/22/09

We perform an Environmental Inspection today at House #1.  We have extended the option period a week to cover this.

The inspector is a nice girl about my age, who went to Texas A&M and has a degree in bio medical macro chemistry something or other. She goes through the house with a moisture meter and shines her flashlight into the HVAC vents.

And that's where we find....MOLD!

It's ALL OVER the upstairs HVAC and it's visible in several rooms.  I feel incredibly validated.  I'm not crazy!  This home has mold issues.

Then again, there's mold everywhere in the world, right?  She says that it's not toxic and it's more the sort of thing that could give you allergies.  Maybe. It's not really a big deal.  Just replace the HVAC and you're golden.  The house isn't a death trap.

But still.  MOLD.  I WAS RIGHT.  (Incidentally, the bathroom that had all the actual remediation comes back clean.)

***

Okay, Part 2 to come later this week.  This is a way longer story than I thought it was going to be.  And I think I'm only 1/3 of the way through it.

What's that they say about first impressions?

Today, the weather was fantastic.  It was a true First Day of Spring here in Texas.  When we got home, Claire and I whipped out the Maclaren stroller, that I still have not ordered any recall parts for, and walked a couple blocks down the street to a park where she could play, and the rec center so I could pick up access cards.

Before we left the house I specifically thought, "I should change clothes into something that looks sort of nice/schlumpy/hip so it looks like I am a really cool Mom in case there are Potential New Mom Friends there."

You guys know what I'm talking about right?  That sort of playground mom uniform that communicates you have style but can still wear yoga pants and maybe you just CAME from yoga class where you go every day so you must be really good at it and that's how you stay so thin?  The uniform that says you'd never be caught dead in mom jeans because you can look effortlessly cool and put together in a snap since your closet has a whole wall for your outfits from Lululemon?

You know, that kind of nice/schlumpy/hip.

I thought about finding something more, well, clean at the very least, and then I thought, "NAH!  This crappy shirt and the dirty shorts I unpacked the house in and STILL have not washed are FINE!  We're just going to be gone for a few minutes.  Besides, I don't even know where my other shorts are."

We got the access cards and went to the park.  There were no cool moms there.  I felt validated.  When we were almost to the house I spotted some kids playing outside with what looked like their 15-year-old sister or maybe the nanny?

As she came closer I discovered that no, this was no nanny or high school student, she was the mom.  A cool looking, youngish mom in yoga pants and a fitted tee with crazy drawings on it that looked kind of awesome.  She was extraordinarily thin with long blond hair and Jackie O sized sunglasses. 

She looked nice/schlumpy/hip.

SHIT. I knew I should have changed clothes.

Erin lives two doors down from me and she has three kids.  She asked how old Claire was and she said that only at this point was when she started to feel normal from "all that post-partum crap."  She pointed across the street and said,

"Kristi lives over there and there are lots of other cool young moms around the corner I can introduce you to!  Just come over one day!"

Did you hear that?  She thinks I'm a cool young mom.

I think I'm going to like it here.

I spend way too much time thinking about Wal-Mart

We were tricked into buying a mylar balloon at Wal-Mart last Friday.  We let Claire carry it around the store and when it was time to leave she threw a HUGE fit about leaving it behind, so we taught her a great lesson about how tantrums are a great route to getting your way and bought the damn thing for her ($2.75).  Four days later, it's still floating at 100%  Those mylar balloons might cost more, but damn, they last a long time. 

Claire eats breakfast with it every morning.  As in, the balloon rests on the table, next to the banana.  It's almost part of the family at this point.

***

My new Wal-Mart is amazing.  Really, it is.

It was built last year and there was a HUGE community discussion about whether Wal-Mart "brings out the wrong crowd" and some people said "it gets tiring fighting all the riff-raff." (Sidebar: Who says "riff-raff" anyway?  Only old people, right?  Or really snobby people?  Or maybe just Victorians?)  People argued over whether the city should allow a Wal-Mart because I guess these people are too good for...saving money?

They must be really stupid because saving money is AWESOME.  I don't know anyone who doesn't like to save money.  In my experience, rich people especially like to save money (I figure that's probably part of the reason they're rich).  Even Warren Buffet loves to save money and he's got obvs more money than MC Hammer ever THOUGHT about having. (And we all know that MC Hammer was not a fan of saving money, what with his gold-plated bathroom.)

Anyway, city councils fights, newspaper op-ed fights, signs in yards, the whole bit.  For two years.  OVER A FREAKING WAL-MART.

I am so glad this all happened before we moved here, mostly because this Wal-Mart is uh-freaking-mazing and I will just reap the rewards of all the arguing.  Seriously, if anyone comes to visit me, I will take you to my Wal-Mart as an activity and you will be impressed. 

It has a sushi bar with two Japanese men who make sushi all day.

There's a gigantic produce section that looks really glamorous with shiny fruit and not like rats have been chewing on 10 day old avocados with fruit flys buzzing around (which is what my old Wal-Mart was like)

There's a salad dude in the deli who will make you a fresh salad for $4.  There's a bakery the size of a legit BAKERY (rather than just the far end of the deli counter) and there's something like 50 kinds of fresh bread daily.

The beer and wine section isn't an aisle - it's more of a mini liquor store with wood floors and displays.  It's about 4 aisles.

There's a Dunkin Donuts up front.  A clean, classy one with free wifi.

This doesn't sound like Wal-Mart, does it?  BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

Outside, there's a 125-year-old pecan tree that was "saved" when Wal-Mart rearranged the store's footprint.  There's a park around it for kids to play in with benches for parents.  It's recessed below the parking lot, so you can let the kids run wild without fear that they'll dart into the street; there's a 15 foot retaining wall corraling them in.

It has a full-service bike repair shop.

It has a "Toyland" where you can TRY OUT toys before you buy them, or maybe send your husband there to play with your child while you get the real grocery shopping done.

The aisles are wide, brightly lit and stocked with TONS of stuff my other Wal-Mart never thought about carrying.

It is clean!  OH SO CLEAN.

It's a "High-Efficiency" store and is 20% more energy efficient than a normal Wally Mart.

There are SIDEWALKS in the parking lot so you don't have to walk down the rows with the cars coming at you or backing into you.

The buggy corrals in the parking lot are made of limestone.

Basically, it looks exactly like Target inside (in some cases though, better), but without all the trendy stuff that I don't need to buy in the first place.  And, the prices are still low, low low.  I love, love, love that.

I gather that the store is the result of a lot of consultants and is a test layout to see if shoppers spend more in a store that is easier to navigate and more enjoyable to spend time in.  They've obviously rolled out the recent re-brand onto every single bit of signage in the place and it's such a "no shit" idea but CONSISTENCY WORKS.  (There's your hot marketing tip for the day.)

Anyway, come visit me!  We'll go to Wal-Mart! 

ENTICING, I KNOW!

See!  It looks like Target!  Only cheaper!

An update on the new house. Sort of.

I made chicken tacos last night and I had to squat down every ten seconds and peer at the range at eye-level to figure out if the CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK finally lit and turned into a flame or maybe I need to turn the knob the other way?  I can't tell since it has NO WORDS OR INDICATORS ON IT how weird and unhelpful is that Jenn-Air?!  Gah!

Then I had to keep doing these odd kitchen-squats to see if the flame was high or low or medium the whole time and what does it mean when there's not a big flame but more of blue dots?  Is that low?  Or almost off and worthless?  And how do you know when it's just spewing toxic gas and not cooking at all?  And when are the tacos going to be finished since I'm cooking them on HIGH LOW HIGH HIGH OFF MEDIUM heat?

I've never cooked on a gas range before and so far?  HATE IT.  It's like exercising and cooking and critically thinking and these things DO NOT GO TOGETHER.

***

The last box was unpacked sometime today about 3p.  They're all broken down and in the attic because even though we're never moving again, you can be damn sure that if I DO ever move again (which is never happening) I will for damn sure not have to buy boxes.  Dudes, cardboard boxes, for what they are, are sort of expensive. 

***

The wiring in this house is stupid.  There are FIVE separate switches to individually flip to turn on the lights in the kitchen.  FIVE.  You have to make a big lap and it's stupid and this is always my chief complaint with can lights in the ceiling versus a single gigantor light in the middle.

You get more control over the "mood" and "tone" of your lighting with the cans but OMG it's a freaking workout to just SEE how to get to the coffee pot every morning.  I don't like working before my coffee.  It's highly undesirable.

***

Unrelated to the house, my friend Holly had a baby last Monday.  Holly doesn't have a blog, BUT SHE SHOULD.  It was a girl and she named her Clara Maielle.

Clara Maielle (Pronounced "may-elle").  Isn't that SO PRETTY?!?!  It sounds and looks like lace and I think I will have to go visit Riverside, California just to meet her.  LOVE.

***

I washed our duvet cover this morning and when I put the down comforter back in it I got the dimensions wrong and now there's a foot of duvet with no filling on both sides of the bed.  Because I'm lazy I just sort of....left it that way until I get back to it.  

***

The garage at our old house was kind of small.  Really, I was always dinging my husband's car with my doors and he'd make a face and then I'd say that I can't help it because there's only 18 inches of space and then I'd turn around and whack the baby carrier into it by accident as well.  Bleh.

This garage, to our horror, is ONE FOOT smaller in each dimension.  When we looked at the house, I thought the garage looked smallish, but we pooh-poohed that idea thinking that SURELY this garage could not possibly be smaller than The Smallest Garage Ever Built, which we currently owned.

Oh, ha.  Everyone!  Take a tape measure with you when looking at new houses!  Learn from me and my twice-purchased Tiny Garage of Misery!

***

Chris and I had a nice sort of husband-wifey moment on our first day here.  We both went upstairs and I said, "And now, I am going to put this blanket in our brand new LINEN CLOSET."  I gently placed a white, full-size blanket on the second shelf and you guys I am not kidding when I say I felt a little thrill and shot of adrenaline.  We smiled and hugged and I did a little "Woo-linen-closet!" dance.

I am the suburban housewife I always said I'd never be.  And you know what?  I love it.

***

And now, a picture of Claire and me in my Grandmother's backyard this week.  A more proper update with flow and a story about an actual grill in someone's mouth will come later, but for now, this is all I've got in me.