are things complicated yet?

Let's sort through the contents of my order from Gap, shall we?

I really love my UPS man.  He's so nice and kind and SUPER efficient.  He always stops by my house on his way back to the facility to see if we're home when there's a signature required.  (Those packages are always a case of wine and, well, I think he understands that we'd like to have that in our hot little hands as soon as possible.)

Today Kevin (yeah, I know his name), dropped off the best box of fun ever.  It is a Big Box Of Banana Republic Fun!

Let's take inventory, shall we?

(Oh, wait.  Something you should know about me is that I habitually order several hundred dollars worth of clothes online and then only keep a fraction of it.  I actually visit the stores in person to decide what I am going to order ONLINE so I can try it on at home without a certain wiggly, whiny someone getting int he way of me making a good purchasing decision.  Lame?  Certainly.  But it works for me.)

(Also, I got 25% off the whole order because of some promo they were running so I was in a "the more the merrier" sort of mood.)

So.  Let's delve into the box, shall we?

***

Supersoft layering v-neck T, Color: true black

$19.50

Supersoft layering v-neck T, Color: new navy
$19.50

So, I got these shirts in navy and black with the intent of wearing them a lot after work and on the weekends.  I really love a good v-neck, it flatters my particular body type and I hate high crew necks because I always feel like I'm choking.  Plus, with 25% off they were like $14

Sailor pencil skirt

Color: true black

$49.50

I hated this skirt for unspecified reasons.  Also?  Too expensive for a dumb black skirt.  RETURN!

Knit pants

Color: red

Unit price: $12.50 $4.99

Dudes!  I love slash-through pricing on my invoice!  Look at all that cash I saved.  And, in case you didn't figure it out, these are pants for CLAIRE, not me.

 

Little pocket T

Color: strawberry

Unit price: $19.50 $9.99

For $10?  I LOVE THIS SHIRT.  It's soft, the sleeves go to mid-palm, (which I love in the winter) and it's such a bright fun color.  And also?  It looks great under this dress:

Double-knit pleated dress

Color: true black knit

Unit price: $59.50

Now, truthfully?  This dress is no great find.  It's just a stupid, black, shapeless dress that you can wear on your fattest of fat days and still be all, "But hey!  I'm wearing a dress to work so that's better than pajamas!"  Because of the empire waist, I could probably even wear this pregnant until about month 7.  So yeah, it's not that flattering.  But I have decided that dresses are my New Work Thing so I'm actively trying to find some that are simple, easy to accessorize, comfortable, non dry-clean-only and less than $100.  This fits the bill.  Sold.

Quilted barn jacket

Color light english rose

Unit price $34.50

I wanted to keep Claire warm this winter.  This is the jacket I picked.  Like the reviews on the site though, it's kind of smallish.  Will be exchanging for the next size up.  Cute coat though and after the coupon it was just as much as the ones at Target that I didn't think were nearly as cute.  I mean, this one has polka dots.  POLKA DOTS.  I cannot say no to those.

Origami sheath dress

Color Black

Unit price $142.00 $89.99

Again with the dresses for work thing.  I'm pretty short-waisted, so this dress didn't fit me correctly.  There was about 3" too much dress in the waist and it looked rather frump.  On a 3" taller person though, this dress would be super cute. RETURN!

Lightweight wool sheath dress

ColorTaupe heather

Unit price $152.00 

I knew this was more than I wanted to pay for a dress, but I just thought it was so cute on the model.  (Note to self:  YOU ARE NOT A MODEL.)  I even looked for it in-store to try on so I could avoid ordering a $152 dress.  But my local Banana was out of them, which made me think that maybe it might be a totally awesome dress since it was all sold out.  It's not.  The pleats are all retarded and look stupid.  RETURN!

Long-sleeve turtleneck sweater

Color Black

Unit price $59.50

They had this sweater under the dress above and really it was SO cute.  So I tried it.  And it looked stupid on me.  And this sweater is soft and nice but it hits me on the hip weird and makes me look fat so, no.  RETURN!

Eliza slouch high-heel boot

Color Black suede

Unit price $198

I only ordered these boots because after I was in San Francisco this summer and I saw EVERYONE wearing sassy boots I decided that I was woefully behind the times and I needed some sassy boots.  I also hate department stores, don't have time to drive 30 minutes to one and back to try on boots so I figured I needed to order SOME boots to try on and at least see if this was a trend I was interested in.

I AM INTERESTED.  I love these boots.  They have a too-high heel, the suede is totally impractical, they cost too much ($150 after my coupon...but still), you can't wear them in the rain, blah, blah, a thousand reasons to return them and....I can't.  I'm keeping them.  This is my splurge purchase of the season after a year and a half of not buying anything except maternity clothes, cheapie post-partum clothes I hated and pajamas. I'm keeping the damn boots.

I know I could probably find them elsewhere, at better quality for maybe the same price or less.  But, to be honest, I don't have time for that.  If I shopped around I'd be without boots until February.  That wouldn't be any fun.

***

Thus concludes the adventure with Banana Republic and Gap today.  Where are YOU shopping lately? Any finds?  I am discovering that I hate a lot of what's for sale this season, which is frustrating when I DO find ten minutes to dart into a store on my own.

I taped diapers to my dining room table and then wrote about it. I need a hobby.

You've noticed all the cutting back at the grocery store right?  No, I don't mean YOU cutting back.  I mean the suits who make the things we buy.  There's a conference room somewhere in America where they are rubbing their hands together with glee and saying something like,

"Oh, Suzie Housewife will NEVER NOTICE if we make the box 3 ounces smaller and keep the price the same!  If we do this we'll make enough to hand out bonuses this year!  I know you were thinking about putting in a pool Clark."

Yes, it's the oldest retailing trick in the book: things keep getting ever so teeny-tinier so you don't really notice when you're at the store, but they stay the same price.  It's a price increase on the sly and it's so annoying!  

A few weeks ago I was changing Claire and I opened a new box of diapers.  I noticed that they felt a little...different.  But since I had a squalling child writhing around, in imminent danger of Toes In Poop, I didn't really pay much more attention.  I changed her and sent her off running towards her next adventure.

The next time I changed her I noticed the diapers were weird again.  I checked the remainder and they were ALL thinner, papery-er and not a soft as I'd remembered.  Because I am stupid I thought I had a bad box.  Like, "Oh no!  There's been a mistake at the factory!"

I continued to think that as I used up the box.  Bad box, factory error, whatever.  But the next box was all screwed up too.  And the next one!  I was flummoxed.  My mind set to wandering.

How did I get so many bad boxes of Pampers Cruisers Size 4?  I mean, I've been buying Pampers since day one and I've never had a bad box before.  Maybe my Wal-Mart got ALL of the bad boxes from that day?  That would be so weird.  I should Google that and see if they'd had a factory mistake in the south or...WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE.  I'VE BEEN HORNSWAGGLED.

I walked directly to a diaper bag I hardly ever use and plucked a diaper out of it.  A diaper that had been purchased weeks ago.  And dudes, it was completely different.

EXHIBIT A

New diaper on the left, old on the right.  They look the same right?  That is, to the uneducated eye.

EXHIBIT B

Let's open these dipes up.  The new one looks similar to the old one, on the right.  But they're not the same!  NO! NOOOOOOOOO!

Look at Old Diaper - see how the absorbent strip ceases about 2/3 of the way up?  Where all those convenient, angry red circles are?  Yes, that's where the absorbent part ceases and the thin, ridiculous layer of mere PAPER begins.  I know these are, at their core, paper products, but I didn't really mean to purchase JUST paper.  Paper will not do the job!

Proctor and Gamble: I AM NOT PAYING FOR PLAIN OLD PAPER, OKAY?

EXHIBIT C, THE OLD, AWESOME DIAPER, IN MACRO LENS DETAIL

Look at how pillowy it is.  It's so soft and fluffy.  And...quilted!  I don't know what that does but the toilet paper people seem to talk about it a lot so it must desirable.

EXHIBIT D THE NEW, CRAPPY DIAPER (HA, I MADE A FUNNY!) IN MACRO LENS DETAIL 

Look at this!  You can SEE THROUGH THE DAMN THING in the back.  Hi Grover!  It looks like printer paper in there.  There is a total lack of soft fluffiness, plus the part about the whole section of diaper functioning material that is AWOL.

This is a KEY DIAPER FUNCTIONING AREA, if you know what I'm saying.  It is ALARMING to look at this photo and think of the near-disasters.

EXHIBIT E (WHERE I START USING MATH AND GET SOME SERIOUS EVIDENCE TOGETHER)

So, at this point I did what any normal, sane, pissed-off Mom would do.  I opened the diapers, got out some packing tape and taped them to my dining room table so I could measure them side-by-side.  And, LO.  There is a stunning SIX INCHES of absorbent material missing from the new version.  (I rounded up.)

I was very scientific when measuring, as you can see below.

Obviously, Proctor and Gamble have switched up how they make Pampers Cruisers, and it looks pretty clear that it's a cheaper way to make them at the consumer's expense.  I'm still paying about $20 for a box of the stupid things so I am definitely feeling tricked, cheated, duped, etc. 

While we have not had any incidents with the new dipes I'm definitely annoyed.  It's just so devious of them.  Now would certainly be a good time to switch to cloth, and yet...Oh Lord that sounds like a lot of work and toting around of dirty diapers every day.

Has anyone else noticed products getting smaller/lower quality on the sneak?  I'd be interested to see what I haven't noticed.

Updated 10/20

I've decided that we're going to switch to Costco Diapers.  I also messaged Pampers on Twitter with a link to this post and (OF COURSE) they have said nothing.  They don't care.  I mean, I already bought a freaking YEARS worth of dipes from them already.  So, so, so annoying.

I always feel like I'm playing catch up, and I don't often feel like I'm winning

I do this more often than I'd like to admit.  I sit for days and days with bits of words and clever phrases rolling about in my brain and I don't actually manage to find the time to sit and write them out. 

Or, as happened this time, in my latest two week hiatus from ye olde blog, I had an occasion to mark with a post and I felt guilty for putting something else up before The Important and Sappy Occasion Post and, well, two weeks later...oops.

So, first things first, The Occasion!  Of course, Claire turned one year old on the eighth.  ONE YEAR OLD PEOPLE.  I am a terrible mother because I did not write a speshal birthday post or make a speshal birthday video or even throw her a birthday party.  Martha Stewart would obvs think I am a terrible mom. 

No matter though, life keeps rolling and she is one year old.  She walks, she points, she whines.  She eats cheese and drinks from her cup and goes to bed at 630.  She smiles and laughs and shows me her belly button, her nose and her eye.  She loves her swing, pink ball, the dog, walks, Cheerios in a snack cup and snuggling with me in bed in the mornings.

She hold her palms up and makes a confused face when she's lost something, she feeds the dog from her high chair and I've seen her break out into a wobbly run on more than one occasion.  She hugs us with force now, wrapping her arms tightly around our necks and squeeeeezing like she means it.  On those occasions, it is tough to mop up my heart when it melts so quickly.

She is 22 pounds, 29 inches long.  Her pediatrician pronounced her perfect and, well, I AGREE.  She hasn't touched a bottle in two months and sometime in the past 40 days I gave up the title of Nursing Mother because Claire had more interesting things to do.  To all the websites that say babies never wean before one year?  YOU ARE LYING, STOP MAKING WOMEN FEEL BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES. 

It was really silly there, at the end.  I kept offering (the nutrition!  the antibodies!  the internet told me toooooooo!) and it was like I was fighting with a cat in my lap.  She was just...distracted, not interested and kept shoving her fingers up my nose and giggling.  At some point I saw what we must have looked like and the light bulb went off: she's done.  So, that was that.

We gave her a cupcake and she hated it.  HATED IT.  It was so odd really.  I had been looking forward to her first meeting with sugar and butter and she just...didn't care for it.  Oh, all right, she cried.

We had a cake and some family over that weekend (which, I SUPPOSE could be called a birthday party, but there were no crafts so, in my book, no party).  Same thing there - she hated the cake and icing.  In fact, the only interesting part of the cake event was when she tried to grab THE LIGHTED CANDLE.  THE ONE WITH FIRE ON IT.  And, dudes, I am one on-the-spot Mommy because I whiffed that candle out in like, a second while everyone else in the room went, "Oh!  Oh no!"

WHIFF.

Evidence of the further dislike of cake and buttercream icing (every time I type it, I still can't believe it).

On to other topics!

Oh wait, I don't have time for other topics.  Because, like I said, I never have any time.  Right now Chris is hungry and sitting quietly for me to finish so he can freaking eat dinner already.  And then we are going to watch The Amazing Race on the homemade Tivo.  In other words, it's time for me to close the MacBook so I can go live my life already.

SIGH.  Real Life.  It's always getting in the way of my internet one.

I'd like you to meet my Super Smart Scientist Friends, Holly and Jenni. Today's topic: Influenza Vaccines!

Today we will be talking to my two smartest friends, Holly and Jenni.

Holly is a super smart scientist with a BA in Biology/Chemistry and an MS in Cell, Molecular and Developmental Biology.  She is working on a targeted influenza vaccine: ideally, anything that invades the body could be better "fought" if the immune response was prepared correctly at the point of entry.  (At least, that's what I pasted from her email.  I had to read it a few times to get the gist.)

I think that also means she enjoyed dissecting the frog in biology class in ninth grade.  Also, it looks like Holly enjoys homework because DAMN THAT IS A LOT OF SCHOOL.

Jenni is ALSO a super smart scientist with a Ph. D. in Genetics and Veterinary Pathology.  She works for St Jude in Memphis and runs a lab that studies secondary bacterial infections that are a result of influenza.  She enjoys Punnett Square drinking games.

(Just kidding, Jenni enjoys good old-fashioned beer pong as much as the rest of us do.  She's not THAT nerdy.)

(Also, wow, there is no way I could ever go back to school for as long as you two did.  You are awesome.)

Together, they form my Super Smart Scientist Friends and they will forever and always be on-call for all of my influenza related questions. 

Today they're providing me with anecdotal advice that is intended for my personal use as close friends who are giving me their opinion based on the aforementioned decades in school and years of professional work "in the field."  (Is that what they call it when you have to get federal clearance to work with certain viruses?) I'm sharing it with you because I think it's interesting.

This is not intended to give you information to make important medical decisions.  You should always talk to your doctor about those.  (Bloggers make very poor doctors.)

***

Holly, you're pregnant!  Congratulations!  Your kid is going to be so freaking SMART.  So, you are totally not going to get that weird H1N1 vaccine, are you?  I mean, it's all new and strange and unfamiliar and not tested on pregnant ladies.  Sounds risky, right?

I am definitely getting the H1N1 flu vaccine.  I've had seasonal flu vaccines before, with no ill effects, and because I am pregnant, I can help protect the baby with my vaccination and also by BF'ing afterwards.  The baby will be born at the end of February, right when the flu could be serious business, and we may be unable to get the vaccine at that point.

Hmm.  Really?  But it's....new.  And untested.  Doesn't that freak you out?  I mean, I have heard STORIES about vaccines.  Stories on THE INTERNET.

They prepare it the same way as they do the seasonal vaccine - it's a dead bit of the virus, so if anything, it just might not work effectively. There is always the risk of Guillen-Barre Syndrome, but you could get that with any flu vaccine.

That's what a lot of the hoopla is about; back in the 70's with the "first swine flu" this was associated with the vaccine. People are concerned it would happen again. But, it's always a risk. Basically, if your immune system is primed in a unique way, it could rebel against you. You can't do anything to stop it.  Other things can trigger that response too, so it's not a unique risk to the vaccine.

But Holly.  Seriously, they whipped this up faster than a box of brownies.  That just seems...weird.  What if they totally screwed it up?

You're probably worrying a bit much if your concerns are that they "prepared this too fast."  If they had known about H1N1 back in February or March, they would have included it in with the regular seasonal flu vaccine anyway. (I'm not sure if people would have felt better about it in that situation or not though.) The seasonal flu vaccine has the "top picks" of the season in it; several strains (I can't remember how many) all in one go. The H1N1 vaccine will just have the one.

Jenni, what do you think?  I've seen you work with those test tubes and giant droppers with petri dishes.  I know you mean business when you boss around your research underlings.  What's the word at St Jude?

I highly advise all of you getting both flu shots.  If you're worried about giving the H1N1 vaccine to Claire, at a minimum you and Chris should get it to help keep from passing it on to Claire.

The last time a swine flu circulated and was included in the vaccine formula was 1976.  With the new H1N1 strains circulating, our age group has the highest mortality rate, likely because we weren't around for exposure back than and don't have any immunity to it.

The CDC has a really great website that is updated weekly.  That is the website we use to follow the epidemiology for this flu season, and you don't have to be a scientist to understand it. 

http://www.cdc.gov/flu/weekly/fluactivity.htm

You should all also get the pneumococcal vaccine.  I got mine last month, it made my arm really sore for a couple of days, but no other side effects for me.  I didn't run a fever from this year's seasonal flu shot either, and I usually do.

I don't know a ton about the H1N1 vaccine production, but it should be made just as the seasonal flu vaccine.  I know that the swine isolates don't grow well in eggs (which is the traditional method for producing vaccine strains), so it may have been grown differently, but shouldn't be a big deal. 

I am actually impressed with how quickly they are getting this vaccine out.  Sanofi-Aventis shipped their first batches yesterday.

Um, ok.  Got it.  You both think we should all get seasonal flu shots and at a minimum Chris and I get the H1N1 vaccine.  You think it's safe and the benefit outweighs the risk.  Point being that even if we don't give the H1N1 vaccine to her, we can provide a sort of "mini-herd" protection to Claire and not bring H1N1 home from work.

So, guys, what should I worry about then?  Because I'm feeling like I need to worry about something.

Jenni:  Just constantly wash your hands anytime you're out of the house and as soon as you get home!  And I mean wash them: with warm water and for at least 30 seconds.  Take the time to wash your hands before you eat and try not to rub your eyes or stick your fingers in your mouth!!

Holly: You're absolutely right about secondary infections being the real concern. Remember that is also takes 2 weeks for the vaccine to "kick in" for full protection.

And any nasal-spray "flu-mist" should be avoided - it's just weakened live vaccine, pretty much guaranteed to make you at least a little sick.

I've already had my seasonal flu shot (beginning of Sept), and managed to avoid catching whatever my husband brought home from his dirty high schoolers. He was out for a solid weekend. Stuff is already flying all around So Cal. 

Dude, I bet high schoolers aren't any dirtier than kids at daycare.

You'd be surprised.

Any other thoughts, Super Smart Scientist Friends?

What irritates me the most is that I feel we shouldn't even have to worry about vaccinating very young children for flu.  If adults were more responsible and got vaccinated themselves we could provide a better herd immunity and shield the little ones that way.

Instead, you worry about all the idiots who go to work sick, out in public sick, whatever, exposing the vulnerable ones.

Agree Holly.  Totally agree.  Sick adults who traipse into the office and grocery store as if they are soooo important they can't be bothered to stay home and keep their germs to themselves are complete morons.

***

This concludes today's interview with Super Smart Scientist Friends.  If you have additional questions for SSSF please leave them in the comments and I'm sure they'd be happy to weigh in.

What's my take after talking to my smarty-pants buddies?  My entire family will get seasonal flu vaccines next week as planned.  At the very least Chris and I will get the H1N1 vaccine.  I feel pretty solid that it's safe and not a wacky last-minute effort that might accidentally have antifreeze in it. 

I'm going to talk next week to our pediatrician about giving it to Claire, but my gut is leaning towards giving it to her.

I don't want to get sick.  I don't want my family to get sick.  Even though I know we could still all get the flu, I think the benefit outweighs the potential risk for us.