Dear Jenni, please be really, really, really awesome at your new job in Memphis

After we located the liquid Tamiflu and began giving it to her, Claire proceeded to go insane.  As in, BATSHIT CRAZY, even for a nearly-one-year-old.

She was unreasonably fussy, threw tantrums at the drop of a hat and one after the other, had the attention span of a goldfish and walked in small circles around the room while making a high pitched whiny/distressed sounding noise.  She had incredible separation anxiety: if I walked across the room she flipped out.  She refused to take a bath.  (She looooooves the bath.)  She barely ate.  She didn't go to bed until 2 hours past her bedtime and it was a grand and mighty fight when she finally hit the rack.  Her care providers made a specific comment about how crazy she had behaved on Monday.

I know that all of this could be described as typical toddler behavior but she was just weird and not herself.  The change was sudden and dramatic.  I found myself wondering this morning, as she threw a gigantic fit about something really stupid, that this is what parents of kids who have reactions to vaccines must feel like.  Where was my darling, happy daughter?  Was she going to come back?  And, more importantly, what the hell happened here?

The answer was pretty obvious: Tamiflu.  Dr. H had specifically warned me that some kids have very severe behavioral reactions to it.  After 4 days on the medication, we stopped giving it to her.  Today she was happy as a butterfly, smiled oodles, waved to everyone at Wal-Mart and went to bed by 7. 

Weird.  And scary.

So, we're just sort of hoping that she doesn't have a flu virus incubating in her body since we're no longer prophylacting her.  It also turns out that a child didn't even have the flu - it was one of her care providers!  It's an airborne virus, easily transmitted through a sneeze or cough, but the fact that it wasn't one of the people who LICKS things that Claire then decides to lick, well, it made me feel like her chances of getting it are at least a LITTLE bit more remote.

However, there's obviously the problem that it's only September and there are months and months of cough, cold, flu and generic crud ahead of us.  She's going to get sick and then I'll get sick and it will suck.  I'm prepared for that eventuality.

We will all be getting flu shots next week.  I haven't decided yet if we're going to get H1N1 vaccines though.  I have yet to do the research on what exactly is in it and how I feel about the cost/benefit of something that is so new.  Generally, I'm a bit distrustful.

What rattles me to the core is 14-year-old Chloe Lindsey who died over the weekend from complications related to Swine Flu.  Chloe attended the same middle school in Ft Worth that my mother did and we regularly drive by it when we visit my grandparents.  She got sick on Wednesday and died on Sunday.  it is heart-breaking and so close to home.

You can bet your ass that if Claire has anything that resembles a sniffly nose we are high-tailing it to Dr H this winter.  With a cycle that could run so fast, single days count. 

Obviously, the media are hyping this up a bit.  The total number of forecast and historic flu deaths pales in comparison to more ordinarily tragic deaths that happen year-round.  They say her chances of being seriously impaired as a result of flu are remote.

And yet, I can't help but be hyper-aware that Claire is still so young and fragile.  She's not even going to be 18 months old by the time spring comes around.  She had bronchiolitis as a 7-month-old and this puts her at increased risk for future respiratory problems.  It's not the actual flu that kills most people; it's secondary bacterial infections like pneumonia that don't respond to antibiotic therapy.  This is what killed Chloe Lindsey over the course of 5 measly days.

I'm not scared of Claire getting the flu.  I'm scared of it morphing so quickly into something we can no longer treat.  That scares the shit out of me.

My very good friend Jenni happens to be a post-doc research associate at St Jude in Memphis and she is privileged enough to be studying this very topic: secondary bacterial infections as a result of influenza.  I know that she's smart (like, really, ridiculously smart) and practical and she'll tell it to me like it is if I called her to ask her what I should really spend my time worrying about.

But, for some reason, I can't find the courage to dial her this week.  I can't decide if she'll make me feel better or worse.

***

Edited to add that apparantly I have more smart friends than I realized!  My friend Holly studies influenza vaccines at a lab in California!  I have demanded that she tell me everything she knows and I will report back.

Comments

[Holly]

And you aren't interested in my opinions on vaccines? I'm hurt...... That's what I research! Specifically influenza vaccines! Anyway..... :)

[A'Dell]

WHAT?! I didn't know that!

YES, I WANT YOUR OPINION. NOW PLEASE.

Would you give your one year old the new one? Tell me everything you know.

[Adam]

We have been looking into the vaccines as well, especially since a few people at my work have children who have had it already.

Here is a good site about whats in the current set of H1N1 vaccines:
http://www.askdrsears.com/thevaccinebook/2009/09/four-swine-flu-vaccines-approved-by-fda.asp

[kdo]

I think you did the right thing again. Sometimes the side effects of medication out weigh the benefits.
And you're right, its the secondary stuff that does the most damage and this new strain of flu, the body aches and headache are so dramatic you don't want to move which unfortunately puts you at risk for pneumonia.
So if you get the flu or even flu like symptoms, move! No matter how bad it hurts. Cough and deep breathe, get rid of that phlegm, drink plenty of fluids and move.

[maggie]

Yes please. It's been Highly Recommended that we get ourselves all vaccined up as well, which scares me for all the aforementioned reasons. As well as the fact that the one and only time I got the flu shot was the one and only time I ever got the flu. BAH.

[Elizabeth]

The flu shot made Eli sicker than the flu ever would, so we always decide not to give it to him and the doctor DOES not like it at all. I will be very interested to hear what you find out.

[Manda]

Holy crap. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this!

[KLTTX]

I am so glad I am not the only one that is paranoid about this flu season. I actually cannot watch the news reports any more because I get so worked up. I am not usually like that so I don't know what is going on.

I am anxious to see what you decide about the H1N1 vaccine as I know you will THOROUGHLY research it before making a decision. I am still doing my research and am really torn.

[Jennifer]

I love that you have smart friend and will share whatever info they can provide on the subject - because this is a grey area for me too. Thanks!

[Erin]

That's weird...I just heard on the radio yesterday that Tamiflu can cause dementia and delusions. Scary.

Yes, let us all know about that H1N1 vaccine. I'm only now comfortable with the regular flu shot.