One day last week, Claire woke up and said, "I like food."
Well, maybe she didn't actually SAY that since she's only 7 months old, but she is eating more foods now and that's kind of a big deal around here. Pears, carrots, apples, sweet potato, oatmeal, avocado, brown rice and banana. Tonight I whizzed up some zucchini, red potato, spinach and an apple/blueberry/pear combo. We'll see how she takes to those over the next week or so.
She's excited about eating and reaches for food, tries to pick pieces up, opens her mouth wide, leans into the spoon and urgently pats her tray for more when I'm not shoveling it into her mouth fast enough.
It's nice to see her eating "real" food. Even though she's still nursing, it feels like some of the pressure on me is off. I'm no longer 100% responsible for making sure she thrives. Dude, being someone's exclusive provider of food is a lot of freaking stress.
And speaking of stress, for the past 7 months I have sure felt it. Birthing a child and figuring out how to keep her alive and well, recovering from said birth experience, figuring out how to be a mother AND a good wife AND a good employee AND remember that I am an individual all at the same time has been the craziest juggling act I've even taken on, with the steepest learning curve ever.
And you know what? Sometimes I really suck at it. REALLY SUCK. Instead of just rolling with it and accepting that I can't do everything perfectly, I often let the smallish annoyances in life get under my skin. I wish I could relax about the little things so that I can focus on the big things that are what really impact my day-to-day happiness.
But I have flaws like everyone and my big one these days seems to be Focusing On Little Stuff. Am working on that. It's a difficult thing for a control freak like myself to manage to do.
***
I decided sometime last week to cut myself a break. It's been a big month for that - I hired a housecleaner, I've been taking some more time for myself to do crazy-selfish things like style my hair in the mornings or iron my pants. Cutting Myself A Break is the new trend in these parts.
Whatever the deal is, it's getting tougher for me to pump enough milk for Claire to have the next day. We're out of frozen milk so it's been day-to-day for awhile. We're making it, but I have to pump once at night too so she has two full bottles while I am at work. And I won't lie - once I get home I am pretty much not into pumping. No pun intended, but it sucks. I am tired of spending my time this way.
I figured that maybe we'd start supplementing with a bottle of formula once a day when she's at daycare. Takes the pressure off of me, she still gets to nurse the majority of the time. It's a good compromise.
I went to Wal-Mart and pondered the infant formula aisle. I stared at all of the colors and teddy bears and acronyms and I realized that for all the research I'd done on breastfeeding I didn't know a damn thing about infant formula except that I think you mix it up like Nestle Quick. (Water + powder = yummy drink?)
There were so many brands and types. For "babies that spit up" and babies "with sensitive stomachs" and Organic and Advance "to support a developing immune system" and even a hypoallergenic one. I was flummoxed. They all sounded like positive things - which the hell one was I supposed to buy?
Every can said, "Of course, breastmilk is best for your baby...." It was SO infuriating and condescending in the most marketing-ese way. I was FINE with my decision until I read THAT and then I started second guessing myself all over again. It didn't say, "Do the best you can for your baby..." Nope, it was very specific. If you phrased it another way it could have easily said, "Our product is not the best thing for your baby." Great. Thanks for that. Very supportive.
I refocused on the task at hand: taking home a can of formula so I'd at least have SOMETHING in the house.
I picked up the most plain one - the one that seemed like it was for a baby without any of the noted issues on the other cans - and went home. I mixed up two ounces and planned to mix it in her cereal and if she liked it we'd try a bottle tomorrow at day care. Good plan.
I tasted it. It tasted like crap. It actually tasted vaguely...chemical-y. It was definitely odd.
For reasons that are still unclear to me, I couldn't bring myself to give it to her, even though I KNOW THAT IT'S OKAY and it will not impact her future SAT scores.
But it just tasted gross to me and if it wasn't something I'd drink I couldn't figure why I'd offer it to Claire.
So then I went back to Conflicted Mommy Town where I seem to feel simultaneously incredibly guilty and rock star awesome about the choices I make for my daughter.
Still there.
***
Yesterday Claire was playing in her crib and managed to pull herself up into a standing position by using her crib rails.
It
took all of three seconds and after that she was dangling her arms over
the side like a monkey. I could just tell she was thinking about
launching herself over the edge. Chris lowered her mattress that
evening.

***
I've
been trying to take a photo of her next to that bear for her 7-month
photo for a solid week now and it's just not happening. Claire has far
too much to see and play with to be bothered to sit still for a
microsecond in that chair.
As soon as I
sit her down she rolls over and stretches and pulls up on the arms and
moves dangerously close to leaping off the whole damn thing.
Yesterday
I only got two shots before I had to wrangle her. And by "wrangle her"
I mean scoop her up out of what is clearly the most dangerous chair in the house.
(It
rocks! It glides! It swivels! It's TOTALLY UNSTABLE and it has low
arms that she can launch off like a superhero in two seconds flat! It's a death trap! Why did we put it in our baby's room?!)
Yeah, not my finest photographic moment. We'll try again tomorrow.