My feet are bigger. That is, they GREW while I was pregnant. Not a freakish amount, but just enough so that all of my shoes with closed toes (that is, every single pair that is suitable for the winter months) are uncomfortably tight.
I knew this might happen. When you're pregnant all of your ligaments loosen up thanks to the hormones, so your hips can Make Way For Baby. But this can also loosen up everything in your feet too. Permanently.
The boots I put on this morning? Are only on my feet because of a sad/hilarious fight I had with them on the floor this morning while my daughter cried in her crib because her mobile stopped twirling. I hobbled to her room with my foot sort-of in one boot, cranked the mobile back up and then finished the shoe fight on the floor of her room.
I felt like Cinderella's ugly step-sister trying desperately to cram her foot into a shoe that was obviously far too small.
So, in addition to the probably permanent wider hips and the definite (temporary) bigger belly that isn't quite what it used to be and the bigger stuff going on up top since I'm nursing, I am feeling rather, um, FAT.
Fat because I just had a baby and that's a really good reason to feel that way but still. I DO NOT LIKE.
And the really horrible part is that the number on the scale is a totally fine number! It's only a handful of pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight and at 6 weeks out that's decent. But my body is just...not shaped even in a similar manner at all. Everything has redistributed to new places.
I don't know how to dress this new body except in pajamas. And since I'm not pregnant any more people are a lot less understanding about me wanting to wear them everywhere.
I am discovering that my winter clothes don't fit. Every article I put on my body is this horrible psychological trauma to my ego. I know I was all Miss Braggy about those jeans I fit into a few weeks ago but I've since discovered that those are actually the ONLY pre-pregnancy pants that fit. They're Freak Jeans - not to be trusted as an actual measurement of progress.
Manda was right when she said that breastfeeding isn't a free pass to eat whatever you want. This is curious because it's all anyone ever told me. "Oh, if you breastfeed the weight just FALLS RIGHT OFF."
I've got several weeks before I go back to work and I am really hoping that my body catches up to my working wardrobe. I am excercising now that I'm all recovered from The Trauma That Is Childbirth and I have also sworn off my mortal enemy: cookies.