are things complicated yet?

7 quick takes

1.  After a lot of research, spreadsheet math, filling out of forms, cleaning, painting, removal of extra possessions, angst, frustration and excitement we decided to jump on the crazy train and sell the house.  (And, uh, buy a new one so we aren't out on the street.)

I'm excited to get to the end of this adventure where we're unpacked, have more space and everything is over.  The rest of this is just such a huge PITA.  More on it later (far more than you'll be interested in, I AM CERTAIN), but just know that getting this house ready to sell has consumed my life so much this week, I forgot that The Biggest Loser was on Tuesday and I didn't remember until this morning.

Now THAT is the definition of busy.

2.  Since we are selling Ye Olde Home, Jake is off to visit with my parents for the duration of this exercise.  We're taking him down to their house this afternoon and I have a feeling that Jake will feel as if it's a well-deserved vacation.  The last year has been rough on the poor animal.  When Claire arrived he was suddenly pushed to a very distant #2 and I'm ashamed to say that I don't pay him NEARLY enough attention.  He'll be happy with my folks for a few weeks.

(And don't even MENTION the possibility that this might take more than just a few weeks.)

3.  Since we're going to sell the house I didn't put my Christmas Tree up yet and really?  I'm not sure we'll get that chance this year.  It might be just as well since Miss Grabby Hands would likely destroy it in the first five minutes.

4.  I've been making eggnog lattes at home this week and HOO BOY those are yummy.  You know you have a problem when your first conscious thought of the day is,

"Yay!  It's morning!  EGGNOG LATTE TIME!" 

Highly recommend.  I do two shots of espresso and 1/2 cup eggnog and 1/2 cup milk, foamed and frothed up.  If you go 100% 'nog it's way too rich.

5.  I have made Smitten Kitchen's salted brown butter crispy treats twice this week and I plan to make them again this weekend.  They are THAT GOOD, so simple and will vanish before your eyes.

6. My iPhone 2g has started to lock up a lot. I can't decide if it's just reaching the end of its natural life span or if I shouldn't have let Claire slam it on the kitchen floor as often.  I'm loathe, positively LOATHE, to buy a new iPhone since I paid big bucks for this one and expected it to last more than a measly two years.  But that's the crap thing about technology gizmos, right?  They advance so quickly that you're quickly lapped several times over again.

7.  Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is someone to buy my little house with no linen closet in the sticks.   Love, A'Dell

Texas Aggie Bonfire 1999

10 years ago at 2:42 am Texas Aggie Bonfire fell.  I was a sophomore.

It twisted in a nightmarish pile of logs that were tied together.  The logs were on top of the students.  Students were trapped in the logs.  It was horrific and shocking.  It took hours to rescue them.  12 students died.

This is Tim Kerlee.  He directed workers to at least 5 other students before allowing them to help him.   He did not survive and was, by all accounts, an amazing young man.  Look carefully at his legs; they're not in a normal position. 

It's a really painful picture for me to look at, even a decade later, and I'm only posting it to give you a grasp of the scale and reality of the scene.

It was horrible.  The day was horrible and the weeks that followed were awful.  We were a dazed student body. 

***

When I was at school there were 2 types of students: those who were REALLY REALLY into Bonfire and those who planned to watch it burn.  The REALLY REALLY group had t-shirts that said things like, "Up on Stack all night...test at 8 am." 

That's what they actually did: they stayed up ALL NIGHT stacking logs on the Polo field and then went to class at 8 am in their dirty overalls and Carhartt jackets, reeking of cigarettes and Copenhagen, took the test and then went back out to stack.  The Bonfire guys were an unofficial fraternity that had many layers of unique traditions.  They formed friendships for a lifetime out there. 

The other group loved Bonfire, but we preferred not to get our hands dirty.  In any case, it's fair to say that there were only a small handful of hippie students who piteously worried about the poor trees and the rest of us loved the ever living hell out of Bonfire for a variety of reasons.

When Bonfire fell it was sort of this watershed moment for the University.  We knew that the school would never be the same; there was a level of enthusiasm, spirit and camaraderie that Bonfire created for us, that nothing else could replace.  We knew that after such an accident there was no way the University could allow the activity to continue on campus.

And so Bonfire just...ended.  It was there and then it wasn't.  It was strange.  It was this fall ritual that a lot of activities and traditions were built on and then POOF.  It simply vanished and we sort of didn't know what to do with ourselves to achieve that same level of excitement and activity. 

People tried to continue.  The traditions with odd names like Elephant Walk, Yellow Pot, Red Pot, Pass-Down, Crew Chief, Grode and Replant carried on.  It was strange though because these traditions were predicated on Bonfire and without Bonfire it felt weird continuing to follow through the motions.

And so, as traditions are wont to do when their purpose becomes unclear to their new keepers, the old ways and rituals and purposes gradually faded.  Some are gone.  And some probably have a new stated purpose that has nothing to do with Bonfire.

Bonfire truly was an impressive event and it's tragic that the story ended this way.  I only ever saw one burn - 1998.  I so would have loved for it to be all stacked up this week, ready to burn next. 

***

The Last Corps Trip

By P.H. DuVal Jr. '51

It was Judgment Day in Aggieland

And tenseness filled the air;
All knew there was a trip at hand,
But not a soul knew where.

Assembled on the drill field
Was the world-renowned Twelfth Man,
The entire fighting Aggie team
And the famous Aggie Band.

And out in front with Royal Guard
The reviewing party stood;
St. Peter and his angel staff
Were choosing bad from good.

First he surveyed the Aggie team
And in terms of an angel swore,
“By Jove, I do believe I’ve seen
This gallant group before.

I’ve seen them play since way back when,
And they’ve always had the grit;
I’ve seen ‘em lose and I’ve seen ‘em win,
But I’ve never seen ‘em quit.

No need for us to tarry here
Deciding upon their fates;
Tis plain as the halo on my head
That they’ve opened Heaven’s gates.”

And when the Twelfth Man heard this,
They let out a mighty yell
That echoed clear to Heaven
and shook the gates of Hell.

“And what group is this upon the side,”
St. Peter asked his aide,
“That swelled as if to burst with pride

When we our judgment made?”

 “Why, sir, that’s the Cadet Corps
That’s known both far and wide
For backing up their fighting team
Whether they won, lost or tied.”

“Well, then,” said St. Peter,
“It’s very plain to me
That within the realms of Heaven
They should spend eternity.

And have the Texas Aggie Band
At once commence to play
For their fates too we must decide
Upon this crucial day.”

And the drum major so hearing
Slowly raised his hand
And said, “Boys, let’s play The Spirit
For the last time in Aggieland.”

And the band poured forth the anthem
In notes both bright and clear
And ten thousand Aggie voices
Sang the song they hold so dear.

And when the band had finished,
St. Peter wiped his eyes
And said, “It’s not so hard to see
They’re meant for Paradise.”

And the colonel of the Cadet Corps said
As he stiffly took his stand,
“It’s just another Corps Trip, boys,
We’ll march in behind the band.” 

All I have to offer is a simple thank you. Somehow, it never feels like enough though.

At 4:38 pm on January 17, 1991 , I was wandering the halls of my elementary school in California, impatiently waiting for my mother to finish her after-school duties.  I was eager to go home and and dig into the candy drawer for a Little Debbie Nutty Buddy. 

I was in sixth grade, Mom taught fifth and my brother was in fourth.  We spent a lot of time at school that year.

For some reason I had wandered up to the front desk and a radio was on.  (A radio!  Ha!  Remember when we used to get news from the radio?)  I don't remember anyone else being there.  Maybe there were other adults or my brother, maybe even my mom.  I can't picture them though.

The voice was telling us something that we'd all known was going to happen.  I think the way he phrased it was something like,

"Well, we're really at war now folks.  It's started.  It's official.  War..."

War.  His voice was heavy with concern and anticipation.  I briefly wondered if our family was going to plant a Victory Garden, like I'd seen the families in my textbooks do.

I remember standing there and thinking,

"Oh.  This is kind of a big deal.  And my Dad is probably going to war.  My dad is going to war.  AAAUUUGHHH MY DAD IS GOING TO WAAAAARRRRRRR."

I was pretty freaked out.

The last military engagement authorized by Congress had been Vietnam.  The Korean War ended in 1953.  In 1991, we had not kicked Saddam Hussien's ass even once yet. The limited context I had wasn't very positive.

It would be later that evening or maybe the next day before we saw missiles light up the Iraqi sky like fireworks on CNN.  It would be several more days before everyone started to make jokes about how much Iraqi ass our military was kicking.

Point being, on January 17, 1991 it had been a while since widespread scary shit had happened to the Marines.  But all of the previous scary shit from WWII, Vietnam and Korea had made its way into my textbooks in all of the 4-color glory that McGraw-Hill could get the State of California to sign off on. 

It wasn't gory but, you know, message received: War is some scary shit, it'll last a long time and a lot of people will probably die.

At least, that's what my 12-year-old brain got out of it.  Up until that point, I'd never really considered that my father might actually see combat during his tenure in the Marine Corps.  I'd never had any reason to think otherwise.

Besides a lack of recent war, January 17, 1991 was before the modern day crazies and terrorists started showing up.  It was before Columbine, Oklahoma City, September 11, Virginia Tech and the horror that happened just days ago at Ft. Hood. 

Can you even remember what it was like to feel insulated like I did in 1991?  Can you recall what it felt like to not be on edge and wonder about that freaky dude you just saw?  Do you remember a time when you thought everything was gonna be ok - no matter what? 

Sure, I was young and naive, but compared to today's 12-year old?  I might as well have had the worldview of Bubble Girl.  There was no internet.  We didn't have cable.  I wasn't allowed to watch PG-13 movies (As my mother so pointedly reminded me, I was not 13 yet.)  War-wise, life had been good in the United States for a while in 1991.  

War, an official, real WAR felt very disconcerting to pre-teen me.

I often toggle between my 12-year-old self and my 30-year-old self when I hear people, the media and politicians talk about our current war.  What I often consider is that it hasn't been 8 years; it's really been 18.  Our troops and their families have been invested in this for 18 years - long enough to turn a newborn into a college freshman.

That's an awful lot of troops and families to thank today for their recent service, in addition to those who have served in the past.  Thank you.

***

My father was deployed from May 1990 to March 1991. He was supposed to go to Okinawa for 6 months but that didn't really play out as planned.

In July he performed rescue operations in Manila after a 7.7 magnitude earthquake.  He assisted primarily at Christian College, where a six-story building completely collapsed and approximately 250 students and teachers were trapped inside. 

Nope, no cell phones.

He was in Saudi Arabia by January 1991 and led ground combat operations as part of Task Force Grizzly. 

Their mission was to be a foot-mobile infiltration force tasked with breaching enemy minefields.  This means they spent a lot of time walking, in the desert, with a full pack, sleeping in holes and trying not to step on mines.

The sign says, "Better Holes and Gardens, Hole of the Month." 

They made their jokes where they could.

They covered approximately 45 miles, carrying a combat load, over eight days.  They took 68 prisoners of war when an entire company of Iraqis surrendered to them.  When it was time to come home, two Marines had been killed in action and 14 wounded.  A very detailed description of the entire mission can be found here.

When he finally came home, safe and sound, in March 1991 it took all day for the battalion to make the few hours drive back to the base.  We thought they'd be there by lunch but it was long after dark when they arrived. 

The cause of the massive delay?  The highway between the base and airport was jammed with joyful, thankful, ebullient people who reached into the bus to shake their hands and say thank you.  FOR MILES AND MILES.

These thankful people passed buckets of fried chicken, cases of beer, bags of potato chips, dozens of cookies and whole cakes into the buses for the Marines.  Keep in mind that they had been in the desert for months with no television, internet or newspapers, fighting a war on foot.  They had no idea what the mood was at home or how they would be received upon their return. 

To say they were surprised by the reception would be a massive understatement.

***

I know that almost every family has a service member they're proud of.  As the great military tradition in this country continues, there are very few families out there who don't have a somebody deserving of great thanks and respect on this Veteran's Day.

It's just that I am so privileged to claim him as our Marine. 

Thank you, Dad.  Thanks for spending your career, the prime of your life, working to save and better the lives of so many people who may never know the freedoms that I do, but are perhaps a little bit closer after you crossed their path. 

Thank you.

This is the story of a girl and her balloon

A few weeks ago on Claire's birthday, we went to Central Market to pick up some foodstuffs for The Big Birthday Meal.  It's this fancy pants grocery store where everything is imported, organic, sparkly, overpriced and delicious and, well, I love the place.  Claire and I go there a lot.

Central Market is one of the few places these days that keeps a hefty supply of balloons on hand for the kiddos.  You can pick one up at the door right when you walk in.  They're usually purple or green.

I had gotten her balloons before but she really hadn't paid much interest.  Mostly she'd gape wide-eyed at it while we shopped.

That all changed this weekend.

We were in Houston at a sort of fall festival type thing.  There was a car wash handing out balloons and, well, Claire really wanted one.  She ran straight towards the suckers.

She had a hard time waiting her turn.  She was #3 and she definitely didn't understand the idea that other people would get theirs first.  Another kid would get a balloon before her and she'd look at me like,

"What?  Can't they see that I want a balloon?  REALLY BADLY?  RIGHT NOW?"

 

We tied it to her hand, but she really didn't like that.

So, we put it on the stroller.  Oh, Vintage Car Wash on Louetta, THANK YOU for this wonderful and amazing balloon.  It has truly changed our lives and we will remember it forever.

That afternoon and evening?  She wouldn't let go of the stupid thing.  Chris tied it to some toy to weigh it down and she carried it all over the house.  She batted at it and threw it but she did not let it leave her sight. She giggled and grinned and just freaking LOVED that stupid balloon.

The next morning she made a beeline for it.  It was all sad and laying on the floor without the benefit of helium to make to float.  She didn't care.  She dragged it around for another few hours until it was time to go home.

After we got back from Houston that day, we ended up at Central Market for lunch.  While we were eating she saw another kid with a balloon across the restaurant.  She pointed and swiveled her head as the child with the balloon exited the room.  She clearly recognized it and wanted one.

So, OF COURSE, we got her a balloon once we were finished eating.  (Dudes, they're free.)  I am not even exaggerating when I tell you that she started dancing wildly in that buggy when she spied the balloon destined for her.  She was THRILLED BEYOND MEASURE.

One the way home Claire passed out in her car seat, still clutching her balloon.  It was so cute.

Same story once we got home: Chris tied it to a toy, she dragged it around for hours.  She was unbelievably delighted.  Soon enough though, it was time for a bath and bedtime.  Claire really likes to take a bath so when she threw a gigantic hissy fit about it, I was surprised. 

She even stood up and threw a leg over the side of the tub (a new trick for her) while clinging to me, in a wild effort to escape.  She was literally clawing at me and screaming and climbing up my body to GET OUT.

And, pray tell, what did Miss Claire need? 

Her balloon. 

In the bath tub.

OF COURSE.  HOW LOGICAL.

A few things I'm stewing over

1.  We would like to move sometime in the next 9 months.  Ish.  I can tell that this is going to be a Really Big Complicated Deal That Requires Lots Of Wine and we're only in the "eh, kind of thinking about it" stage of the process.

One of the things that I am not looking forward to is the business of hiring (and paying for) a realtor.  Or, Realtor, with a capital "R" as they prefer to be called.

There is something in my fiscally conservative body that makes me furious when I think about the concept of paying someone else for the privilege of buying something.  Like, I don't pay admission when I walk into Target, why on earth would I pay someone to unlock a fricking door so I can see if I want to buy a house?

AM FULLY CAPABLE OF UNLOCKING A DOOR.  GIVE ME THE DAMN KEY.  I'LL SHOW YOU.

Then there's the business of paying someone to sell our current home, when truthfully?  I think I could do it.  I AM a professional Marketer and Advertiser (if they get a capital letter, then dammit, so do I) and I know a little something about clarity of message, proper placements and persuasive advertising.  I might be under-estimating the services that a realtor provides, but I'm looking at their job description as it pertains to selling my home and I just can't help but think it would be a fat waste of money. 

So, Realtor vs. A'Dell 2010.  Get ready for it.

2.  The Health Care Bill.  Nancy Pelosi.  Obama Care.  Taxes.  Giant Government Fuck Up.  I could go on and on and on and on and ON but there are lots of other places on the internet you can go for that.  More than anything, I'm simply disappointed.  Very, very disappointed.

3.  Self-destructive behavior really infuriates me.  I know that we all have our little tendencies that aren't productive (such as, I regularly have a bowl of ice cream while I watch The Biggest Loser.  I KNOW.)  What I'm talking about is conscious decision-making that results in deliberately and purposefully lowering your quality of life, simply because you can't be bothered to do it any other way.

The thing about it is that the folks who make these sorts of daily self-destructive decisions don't often realize that they extend beyond their own person. It affects everyone around them as well.  In other words, it kind of brings down the party.

It's just kind of stupid, right?  To allow life to have so little purpose and to allow the things in life that are great to pass by.  Life is great.  Life is fantastic.  Every moment deserves to be LIVED.  Those who can't or won't see that, well, it's depressing.

4.  Diapers.  I'm tired of diapers.  They smell, they're expensive and just yesterday a tab broke off of one for the first time.  I'm ready for potty training but I hear it's a looooooong way off.

5.  I'm kind of annoyed about Christmas.  Specifically, I'm annoyed with all of the EXPECTATIONS. 

Firstly, the gifts.  I don't know anyone who needs more STUFF.  Nope!  Nobody!  So, please understand that while I love the idea of gifting I hate the reality that I am running around looking for things to buy people, just to buy them more STUFF.  I hate filling a quota.  I hate knowing that my family members are doing the same thing and that at the end of Christmas we'll just have a giant pile of yet more STUFF in our lives.

I would much rather focus on an experience together.  Make a memory.  Enjoy each others company.  Spend precious time and moments together. 

We could take a vacation.  We could take a day trip.  We could volunteer our time together.  We could work together on some sort of project.  We could play a board game.  We could play touch football in the yard.  We could decorate cookies.  We could...do a lot of things with the gift of time.

I struggle with how to do this in the context of having a small child in the family.  Obvs, Santa and some gifts are a part of the experience.  I don't want to deprive her of the Magic!and Wonder! of Santa.  But where's the balance?  And how do you get the rest of the family to buy in on your idea?  I would love to hear how the rest of you handle this.

I guess maybe I'm just saying that it could all stand to be scaled back.  Less emphasis on gifts, more emphasis on time and experiences.  When I die, I'm not going to say, "Man, I am so glad we have all this STUFF."

6.  This isn't to say I don't like Christmas.  OH HO NO!  In fact, I am putting up my tree next week, JUST BECAUSE I CAN.

Thus ends the Bitch! Bitch! Whine! Whine! post for today.  I'll be in a better mood tomorrow.

Let's sort through the contents of my order from Gap, shall we?

I really love my UPS man.  He's so nice and kind and SUPER efficient.  He always stops by my house on his way back to the facility to see if we're home when there's a signature required.  (Those packages are always a case of wine and, well, I think he understands that we'd like to have that in our hot little hands as soon as possible.)

Today Kevin (yeah, I know his name), dropped off the best box of fun ever.  It is a Big Box Of Banana Republic Fun!

Let's take inventory, shall we?

(Oh, wait.  Something you should know about me is that I habitually order several hundred dollars worth of clothes online and then only keep a fraction of it.  I actually visit the stores in person to decide what I am going to order ONLINE so I can try it on at home without a certain wiggly, whiny someone getting int he way of me making a good purchasing decision.  Lame?  Certainly.  But it works for me.)

(Also, I got 25% off the whole order because of some promo they were running so I was in a "the more the merrier" sort of mood.)

So.  Let's delve into the box, shall we?

***

Supersoft layering v-neck T, Color: true black

$19.50

Supersoft layering v-neck T, Color: new navy
$19.50

So, I got these shirts in navy and black with the intent of wearing them a lot after work and on the weekends.  I really love a good v-neck, it flatters my particular body type and I hate high crew necks because I always feel like I'm choking.  Plus, with 25% off they were like $14

Sailor pencil skirt

Color: true black

$49.50

I hated this skirt for unspecified reasons.  Also?  Too expensive for a dumb black skirt.  RETURN!

Knit pants

Color: red

Unit price: $12.50 $4.99

Dudes!  I love slash-through pricing on my invoice!  Look at all that cash I saved.  And, in case you didn't figure it out, these are pants for CLAIRE, not me.

 

Little pocket T

Color: strawberry

Unit price: $19.50 $9.99

For $10?  I LOVE THIS SHIRT.  It's soft, the sleeves go to mid-palm, (which I love in the winter) and it's such a bright fun color.  And also?  It looks great under this dress:

Double-knit pleated dress

Color: true black knit

Unit price: $59.50

Now, truthfully?  This dress is no great find.  It's just a stupid, black, shapeless dress that you can wear on your fattest of fat days and still be all, "But hey!  I'm wearing a dress to work so that's better than pajamas!"  Because of the empire waist, I could probably even wear this pregnant until about month 7.  So yeah, it's not that flattering.  But I have decided that dresses are my New Work Thing so I'm actively trying to find some that are simple, easy to accessorize, comfortable, non dry-clean-only and less than $100.  This fits the bill.  Sold.

Quilted barn jacket

Color light english rose

Unit price $34.50

I wanted to keep Claire warm this winter.  This is the jacket I picked.  Like the reviews on the site though, it's kind of smallish.  Will be exchanging for the next size up.  Cute coat though and after the coupon it was just as much as the ones at Target that I didn't think were nearly as cute.  I mean, this one has polka dots.  POLKA DOTS.  I cannot say no to those.

Origami sheath dress

Color Black

Unit price $142.00 $89.99

Again with the dresses for work thing.  I'm pretty short-waisted, so this dress didn't fit me correctly.  There was about 3" too much dress in the waist and it looked rather frump.  On a 3" taller person though, this dress would be super cute. RETURN!

Lightweight wool sheath dress

ColorTaupe heather

Unit price $152.00 

I knew this was more than I wanted to pay for a dress, but I just thought it was so cute on the model.  (Note to self:  YOU ARE NOT A MODEL.)  I even looked for it in-store to try on so I could avoid ordering a $152 dress.  But my local Banana was out of them, which made me think that maybe it might be a totally awesome dress since it was all sold out.  It's not.  The pleats are all retarded and look stupid.  RETURN!

Long-sleeve turtleneck sweater

Color Black

Unit price $59.50

They had this sweater under the dress above and really it was SO cute.  So I tried it.  And it looked stupid on me.  And this sweater is soft and nice but it hits me on the hip weird and makes me look fat so, no.  RETURN!

Eliza slouch high-heel boot

Color Black suede

Unit price $198

I only ordered these boots because after I was in San Francisco this summer and I saw EVERYONE wearing sassy boots I decided that I was woefully behind the times and I needed some sassy boots.  I also hate department stores, don't have time to drive 30 minutes to one and back to try on boots so I figured I needed to order SOME boots to try on and at least see if this was a trend I was interested in.

I AM INTERESTED.  I love these boots.  They have a too-high heel, the suede is totally impractical, they cost too much ($150 after my coupon...but still), you can't wear them in the rain, blah, blah, a thousand reasons to return them and....I can't.  I'm keeping them.  This is my splurge purchase of the season after a year and a half of not buying anything except maternity clothes, cheapie post-partum clothes I hated and pajamas. I'm keeping the damn boots.

I know I could probably find them elsewhere, at better quality for maybe the same price or less.  But, to be honest, I don't have time for that.  If I shopped around I'd be without boots until February.  That wouldn't be any fun.

***

Thus concludes the adventure with Banana Republic and Gap today.  Where are YOU shopping lately? Any finds?  I am discovering that I hate a lot of what's for sale this season, which is frustrating when I DO find ten minutes to dart into a store on my own.

I taped diapers to my dining room table and then wrote about it. I need a hobby.

You've noticed all the cutting back at the grocery store right?  No, I don't mean YOU cutting back.  I mean the suits who make the things we buy.  There's a conference room somewhere in America where they are rubbing their hands together with glee and saying something like,

"Oh, Suzie Housewife will NEVER NOTICE if we make the box 3 ounces smaller and keep the price the same!  If we do this we'll make enough to hand out bonuses this year!  I know you were thinking about putting in a pool Clark."

Yes, it's the oldest retailing trick in the book: things keep getting ever so teeny-tinier so you don't really notice when you're at the store, but they stay the same price.  It's a price increase on the sly and it's so annoying!  

A few weeks ago I was changing Claire and I opened a new box of diapers.  I noticed that they felt a little...different.  But since I had a squalling child writhing around, in imminent danger of Toes In Poop, I didn't really pay much more attention.  I changed her and sent her off running towards her next adventure.

The next time I changed her I noticed the diapers were weird again.  I checked the remainder and they were ALL thinner, papery-er and not a soft as I'd remembered.  Because I am stupid I thought I had a bad box.  Like, "Oh no!  There's been a mistake at the factory!"

I continued to think that as I used up the box.  Bad box, factory error, whatever.  But the next box was all screwed up too.  And the next one!  I was flummoxed.  My mind set to wandering.

How did I get so many bad boxes of Pampers Cruisers Size 4?  I mean, I've been buying Pampers since day one and I've never had a bad box before.  Maybe my Wal-Mart got ALL of the bad boxes from that day?  That would be so weird.  I should Google that and see if they'd had a factory mistake in the south or...WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE.  I'VE BEEN HORNSWAGGLED.

I walked directly to a diaper bag I hardly ever use and plucked a diaper out of it.  A diaper that had been purchased weeks ago.  And dudes, it was completely different.

EXHIBIT A

New diaper on the left, old on the right.  They look the same right?  That is, to the uneducated eye.

EXHIBIT B

Let's open these dipes up.  The new one looks similar to the old one, on the right.  But they're not the same!  NO! NOOOOOOOOO!

Look at Old Diaper - see how the absorbent strip ceases about 2/3 of the way up?  Where all those convenient, angry red circles are?  Yes, that's where the absorbent part ceases and the thin, ridiculous layer of mere PAPER begins.  I know these are, at their core, paper products, but I didn't really mean to purchase JUST paper.  Paper will not do the job!

Proctor and Gamble: I AM NOT PAYING FOR PLAIN OLD PAPER, OKAY?

EXHIBIT C, THE OLD, AWESOME DIAPER, IN MACRO LENS DETAIL

Look at how pillowy it is.  It's so soft and fluffy.  And...quilted!  I don't know what that does but the toilet paper people seem to talk about it a lot so it must desirable.

EXHIBIT D THE NEW, CRAPPY DIAPER (HA, I MADE A FUNNY!) IN MACRO LENS DETAIL 

Look at this!  You can SEE THROUGH THE DAMN THING in the back.  Hi Grover!  It looks like printer paper in there.  There is a total lack of soft fluffiness, plus the part about the whole section of diaper functioning material that is AWOL.

This is a KEY DIAPER FUNCTIONING AREA, if you know what I'm saying.  It is ALARMING to look at this photo and think of the near-disasters.

EXHIBIT E (WHERE I START USING MATH AND GET SOME SERIOUS EVIDENCE TOGETHER)

So, at this point I did what any normal, sane, pissed-off Mom would do.  I opened the diapers, got out some packing tape and taped them to my dining room table so I could measure them side-by-side.  And, LO.  There is a stunning SIX INCHES of absorbent material missing from the new version.  (I rounded up.)

I was very scientific when measuring, as you can see below.

Obviously, Proctor and Gamble have switched up how they make Pampers Cruisers, and it looks pretty clear that it's a cheaper way to make them at the consumer's expense.  I'm still paying about $20 for a box of the stupid things so I am definitely feeling tricked, cheated, duped, etc. 

While we have not had any incidents with the new dipes I'm definitely annoyed.  It's just so devious of them.  Now would certainly be a good time to switch to cloth, and yet...Oh Lord that sounds like a lot of work and toting around of dirty diapers every day.

Has anyone else noticed products getting smaller/lower quality on the sneak?  I'd be interested to see what I haven't noticed.

Updated 10/20

I've decided that we're going to switch to Costco Diapers.  I also messaged Pampers on Twitter with a link to this post and (OF COURSE) they have said nothing.  They don't care.  I mean, I already bought a freaking YEARS worth of dipes from them already.  So, so, so annoying.

I always feel like I'm playing catch up, and I don't often feel like I'm winning

I do this more often than I'd like to admit.  I sit for days and days with bits of words and clever phrases rolling about in my brain and I don't actually manage to find the time to sit and write them out. 

Or, as happened this time, in my latest two week hiatus from ye olde blog, I had an occasion to mark with a post and I felt guilty for putting something else up before The Important and Sappy Occasion Post and, well, two weeks later...oops.

So, first things first, The Occasion!  Of course, Claire turned one year old on the eighth.  ONE YEAR OLD PEOPLE.  I am a terrible mother because I did not write a speshal birthday post or make a speshal birthday video or even throw her a birthday party.  Martha Stewart would obvs think I am a terrible mom. 

No matter though, life keeps rolling and she is one year old.  She walks, she points, she whines.  She eats cheese and drinks from her cup and goes to bed at 630.  She smiles and laughs and shows me her belly button, her nose and her eye.  She loves her swing, pink ball, the dog, walks, Cheerios in a snack cup and snuggling with me in bed in the mornings.

She hold her palms up and makes a confused face when she's lost something, she feeds the dog from her high chair and I've seen her break out into a wobbly run on more than one occasion.  She hugs us with force now, wrapping her arms tightly around our necks and squeeeeezing like she means it.  On those occasions, it is tough to mop up my heart when it melts so quickly.

She is 22 pounds, 29 inches long.  Her pediatrician pronounced her perfect and, well, I AGREE.  She hasn't touched a bottle in two months and sometime in the past 40 days I gave up the title of Nursing Mother because Claire had more interesting things to do.  To all the websites that say babies never wean before one year?  YOU ARE LYING, STOP MAKING WOMEN FEEL BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES. 

It was really silly there, at the end.  I kept offering (the nutrition!  the antibodies!  the internet told me toooooooo!) and it was like I was fighting with a cat in my lap.  She was just...distracted, not interested and kept shoving her fingers up my nose and giggling.  At some point I saw what we must have looked like and the light bulb went off: she's done.  So, that was that.

We gave her a cupcake and she hated it.  HATED IT.  It was so odd really.  I had been looking forward to her first meeting with sugar and butter and she just...didn't care for it.  Oh, all right, she cried.

We had a cake and some family over that weekend (which, I SUPPOSE could be called a birthday party, but there were no crafts so, in my book, no party).  Same thing there - she hated the cake and icing.  In fact, the only interesting part of the cake event was when she tried to grab THE LIGHTED CANDLE.  THE ONE WITH FIRE ON IT.  And, dudes, I am one on-the-spot Mommy because I whiffed that candle out in like, a second while everyone else in the room went, "Oh!  Oh no!"

WHIFF.

Evidence of the further dislike of cake and buttercream icing (every time I type it, I still can't believe it).

On to other topics!

Oh wait, I don't have time for other topics.  Because, like I said, I never have any time.  Right now Chris is hungry and sitting quietly for me to finish so he can freaking eat dinner already.  And then we are going to watch The Amazing Race on the homemade Tivo.  In other words, it's time for me to close the MacBook so I can go live my life already.

SIGH.  Real Life.  It's always getting in the way of my internet one.

I'd like you to meet my Super Smart Scientist Friends, Holly and Jenni. Today's topic: Influenza Vaccines!

Today we will be talking to my two smartest friends, Holly and Jenni.

Holly is a super smart scientist with a BA in Biology/Chemistry and an MS in Cell, Molecular and Developmental Biology.  She is working on a targeted influenza vaccine: ideally, anything that invades the body could be better "fought" if the immune response was prepared correctly at the point of entry.  (At least, that's what I pasted from her email.  I had to read it a few times to get the gist.)

I think that also means she enjoyed dissecting the frog in biology class in ninth grade.  Also, it looks like Holly enjoys homework because DAMN THAT IS A LOT OF SCHOOL.

Jenni is ALSO a super smart scientist with a Ph. D. in Genetics and Veterinary Pathology.  She works for St Jude in Memphis and runs a lab that studies secondary bacterial infections that are a result of influenza.  She enjoys Punnett Square drinking games.

(Just kidding, Jenni enjoys good old-fashioned beer pong as much as the rest of us do.  She's not THAT nerdy.)

(Also, wow, there is no way I could ever go back to school for as long as you two did.  You are awesome.)

Together, they form my Super Smart Scientist Friends and they will forever and always be on-call for all of my influenza related questions. 

Today they're providing me with anecdotal advice that is intended for my personal use as close friends who are giving me their opinion based on the aforementioned decades in school and years of professional work "in the field."  (Is that what they call it when you have to get federal clearance to work with certain viruses?) I'm sharing it with you because I think it's interesting.

This is not intended to give you information to make important medical decisions.  You should always talk to your doctor about those.  (Bloggers make very poor doctors.)

***

Holly, you're pregnant!  Congratulations!  Your kid is going to be so freaking SMART.  So, you are totally not going to get that weird H1N1 vaccine, are you?  I mean, it's all new and strange and unfamiliar and not tested on pregnant ladies.  Sounds risky, right?

I am definitely getting the H1N1 flu vaccine.  I've had seasonal flu vaccines before, with no ill effects, and because I am pregnant, I can help protect the baby with my vaccination and also by BF'ing afterwards.  The baby will be born at the end of February, right when the flu could be serious business, and we may be unable to get the vaccine at that point.

Hmm.  Really?  But it's....new.  And untested.  Doesn't that freak you out?  I mean, I have heard STORIES about vaccines.  Stories on THE INTERNET.

They prepare it the same way as they do the seasonal vaccine - it's a dead bit of the virus, so if anything, it just might not work effectively. There is always the risk of Guillen-Barre Syndrome, but you could get that with any flu vaccine.

That's what a lot of the hoopla is about; back in the 70's with the "first swine flu" this was associated with the vaccine. People are concerned it would happen again. But, it's always a risk. Basically, if your immune system is primed in a unique way, it could rebel against you. You can't do anything to stop it.  Other things can trigger that response too, so it's not a unique risk to the vaccine.

But Holly.  Seriously, they whipped this up faster than a box of brownies.  That just seems...weird.  What if they totally screwed it up?

You're probably worrying a bit much if your concerns are that they "prepared this too fast."  If they had known about H1N1 back in February or March, they would have included it in with the regular seasonal flu vaccine anyway. (I'm not sure if people would have felt better about it in that situation or not though.) The seasonal flu vaccine has the "top picks" of the season in it; several strains (I can't remember how many) all in one go. The H1N1 vaccine will just have the one.

Jenni, what do you think?  I've seen you work with those test tubes and giant droppers with petri dishes.  I know you mean business when you boss around your research underlings.  What's the word at St Jude?

I highly advise all of you getting both flu shots.  If you're worried about giving the H1N1 vaccine to Claire, at a minimum you and Chris should get it to help keep from passing it on to Claire.

The last time a swine flu circulated and was included in the vaccine formula was 1976.  With the new H1N1 strains circulating, our age group has the highest mortality rate, likely because we weren't around for exposure back than and don't have any immunity to it.

The CDC has a really great website that is updated weekly.  That is the website we use to follow the epidemiology for this flu season, and you don't have to be a scientist to understand it. 

http://www.cdc.gov/flu/weekly/fluactivity.htm

You should all also get the pneumococcal vaccine.  I got mine last month, it made my arm really sore for a couple of days, but no other side effects for me.  I didn't run a fever from this year's seasonal flu shot either, and I usually do.

I don't know a ton about the H1N1 vaccine production, but it should be made just as the seasonal flu vaccine.  I know that the swine isolates don't grow well in eggs (which is the traditional method for producing vaccine strains), so it may have been grown differently, but shouldn't be a big deal. 

I am actually impressed with how quickly they are getting this vaccine out.  Sanofi-Aventis shipped their first batches yesterday.

Um, ok.  Got it.  You both think we should all get seasonal flu shots and at a minimum Chris and I get the H1N1 vaccine.  You think it's safe and the benefit outweighs the risk.  Point being that even if we don't give the H1N1 vaccine to her, we can provide a sort of "mini-herd" protection to Claire and not bring H1N1 home from work.

So, guys, what should I worry about then?  Because I'm feeling like I need to worry about something.

Jenni:  Just constantly wash your hands anytime you're out of the house and as soon as you get home!  And I mean wash them: with warm water and for at least 30 seconds.  Take the time to wash your hands before you eat and try not to rub your eyes or stick your fingers in your mouth!!

Holly: You're absolutely right about secondary infections being the real concern. Remember that is also takes 2 weeks for the vaccine to "kick in" for full protection.

And any nasal-spray "flu-mist" should be avoided - it's just weakened live vaccine, pretty much guaranteed to make you at least a little sick.

I've already had my seasonal flu shot (beginning of Sept), and managed to avoid catching whatever my husband brought home from his dirty high schoolers. He was out for a solid weekend. Stuff is already flying all around So Cal. 

Dude, I bet high schoolers aren't any dirtier than kids at daycare.

You'd be surprised.

Any other thoughts, Super Smart Scientist Friends?

What irritates me the most is that I feel we shouldn't even have to worry about vaccinating very young children for flu.  If adults were more responsible and got vaccinated themselves we could provide a better herd immunity and shield the little ones that way.

Instead, you worry about all the idiots who go to work sick, out in public sick, whatever, exposing the vulnerable ones.

Agree Holly.  Totally agree.  Sick adults who traipse into the office and grocery store as if they are soooo important they can't be bothered to stay home and keep their germs to themselves are complete morons.

***

This concludes today's interview with Super Smart Scientist Friends.  If you have additional questions for SSSF please leave them in the comments and I'm sure they'd be happy to weigh in.

What's my take after talking to my smarty-pants buddies?  My entire family will get seasonal flu vaccines next week as planned.  At the very least Chris and I will get the H1N1 vaccine.  I feel pretty solid that it's safe and not a wacky last-minute effort that might accidentally have antifreeze in it. 

I'm going to talk next week to our pediatrician about giving it to Claire, but my gut is leaning towards giving it to her.

I don't want to get sick.  I don't want my family to get sick.  Even though I know we could still all get the flu, I think the benefit outweighs the potential risk for us.

Dear Jenni, please be really, really, really awesome at your new job in Memphis

After we located the liquid Tamiflu and began giving it to her, Claire proceeded to go insane.  As in, BATSHIT CRAZY, even for a nearly-one-year-old.

She was unreasonably fussy, threw tantrums at the drop of a hat and one after the other, had the attention span of a goldfish and walked in small circles around the room while making a high pitched whiny/distressed sounding noise.  She had incredible separation anxiety: if I walked across the room she flipped out.  She refused to take a bath.  (She looooooves the bath.)  She barely ate.  She didn't go to bed until 2 hours past her bedtime and it was a grand and mighty fight when she finally hit the rack.  Her care providers made a specific comment about how crazy she had behaved on Monday.

I know that all of this could be described as typical toddler behavior but she was just weird and not herself.  The change was sudden and dramatic.  I found myself wondering this morning, as she threw a gigantic fit about something really stupid, that this is what parents of kids who have reactions to vaccines must feel like.  Where was my darling, happy daughter?  Was she going to come back?  And, more importantly, what the hell happened here?

The answer was pretty obvious: Tamiflu.  Dr. H had specifically warned me that some kids have very severe behavioral reactions to it.  After 4 days on the medication, we stopped giving it to her.  Today she was happy as a butterfly, smiled oodles, waved to everyone at Wal-Mart and went to bed by 7. 

Weird.  And scary.

So, we're just sort of hoping that she doesn't have a flu virus incubating in her body since we're no longer prophylacting her.  It also turns out that a child didn't even have the flu - it was one of her care providers!  It's an airborne virus, easily transmitted through a sneeze or cough, but the fact that it wasn't one of the people who LICKS things that Claire then decides to lick, well, it made me feel like her chances of getting it are at least a LITTLE bit more remote.

However, there's obviously the problem that it's only September and there are months and months of cough, cold, flu and generic crud ahead of us.  She's going to get sick and then I'll get sick and it will suck.  I'm prepared for that eventuality.

We will all be getting flu shots next week.  I haven't decided yet if we're going to get H1N1 vaccines though.  I have yet to do the research on what exactly is in it and how I feel about the cost/benefit of something that is so new.  Generally, I'm a bit distrustful.

What rattles me to the core is 14-year-old Chloe Lindsey who died over the weekend from complications related to Swine Flu.  Chloe attended the same middle school in Ft Worth that my mother did and we regularly drive by it when we visit my grandparents.  She got sick on Wednesday and died on Sunday.  it is heart-breaking and so close to home.

You can bet your ass that if Claire has anything that resembles a sniffly nose we are high-tailing it to Dr H this winter.  With a cycle that could run so fast, single days count. 

Obviously, the media are hyping this up a bit.  The total number of forecast and historic flu deaths pales in comparison to more ordinarily tragic deaths that happen year-round.  They say her chances of being seriously impaired as a result of flu are remote.

And yet, I can't help but be hyper-aware that Claire is still so young and fragile.  She's not even going to be 18 months old by the time spring comes around.  She had bronchiolitis as a 7-month-old and this puts her at increased risk for future respiratory problems.  It's not the actual flu that kills most people; it's secondary bacterial infections like pneumonia that don't respond to antibiotic therapy.  This is what killed Chloe Lindsey over the course of 5 measly days.

I'm not scared of Claire getting the flu.  I'm scared of it morphing so quickly into something we can no longer treat.  That scares the shit out of me.

My very good friend Jenni happens to be a post-doc research associate at St Jude in Memphis and she is privileged enough to be studying this very topic: secondary bacterial infections as a result of influenza.  I know that she's smart (like, really, ridiculously smart) and practical and she'll tell it to me like it is if I called her to ask her what I should really spend my time worrying about.

But, for some reason, I can't find the courage to dial her this week.  I can't decide if she'll make me feel better or worse.

***

Edited to add that apparantly I have more smart friends than I realized!  My friend Holly studies influenza vaccines at a lab in California!  I have demanded that she tell me everything she knows and I will report back.